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August 11th, 2014
I am 24 years old. I am no longer a teen. This didn’t stop me from tuning in to the annual Teen Choice Awards last night, though. After all, I work at Much! I’m still a hip, young person at heart!
Well after watching the fun-filled award show, I began to feel a little old. Okay, really old. I began to feel the youth sucked out of me. WHY, POP CULTURE GODS, WHY.
Now that I’ve had a good night’s sleep, I am now ready to tackle some big questions. Questions that I’m sure all out-of-the-loop twentysomethings (or older folks) might have about the Teen Choice Awards.
Here are 10 big questions I had. Please read the following list and then GET OFF MY LAWN.
1. Did teens really vote for all those awards?
There are a million and one categories at the Teen Choice Awards. Divided between movies, television, music, fashion, sports and other, did fans actually sit down and vote for every single one of these awards? They probably spent more time doing that than they did on their homework.
But on a serious note, there were many claims that the Teen Choice Awards were rigged. Even Choice Viner winner Cameron Dallas angrily took to Twitter after losing the Web Star award to Tyler Oakley.
— Cameron Porter (@porterc16) August 11, 2014
2. This, of course, begs me to ask the question: who is Cameron Dallas?
The winner of the Choice Viner award is, yes, a Vine celeb, but for those who are not familiar with the world of Vine (I spend hours watching food shows, not scrolling through Vine LEAVE ME ALONE), Dallas looks like any other 18-year-old on social media. Except he has three million more followers than I do.
3. Who is PewDiePie?
The winner of the Choice Web Star: Gaming category arguably has more of an influence on teens when it comes to gaming than most celebrities. This YouTuber boasts over 26 million subscribers and puts a funny (if not, a little NSFW) spin on everything from The Sims to Adventure Time. Again, I have no clue who this guy is, but by the looks of these videos, I have a feeling that I could easily become a YouTube sensation too. Someone just give me a video game, a webcam and some wee–er, I mean weee, this is fun!
4. WHO ARE ANY OF THESE PEOPLE?
Grace Helbig, Anthony Quintal, Chrstina Grimmie, iJustine, Alfie Deyes, Tiffany Garcia…WHO, WHO AND WHO? Is this how my parents felt when I flipped through and drooled over pictures of Freddie Prinze Jr. and Josh Hartnett?
5. Seriously, what do winners do with their surfboards?
A star like Selena Gomez has won over 10 of these surfboard awards. While one is a pretty cool piece of decoration, some of these winners must have designated rooms for these things now. But honestly, who even surfs with those things?!
At least you can drink out of a Grammy. Now THOSE are practical.
6. Was Kim Kardashian trying to dress more mature?
A long-sleeved leather top, a fitted animal print skirt and neutral heels — not that Kim didn’t look great (she really did rock that outfit), but I can’t help but shake the feeling that she was covering up more and assuming the sisterly/motherly role at the TCAs, especially when compared to her younger sisters, Kendall and Kylie Jenner.
7. Have teens even seen Maid In Manhattan?
Maid In Manhattan stars Jennifer Lopez and Tyler Posey (who co-hosted the TCAs) reunited at the show last night and although I remember the movie quite fondly, I wonder if teens have actually seen the 2002 movie. After all, I was 12 when that movie came out so, in comparison, teens were barely live. Surely, the movie airs enough on TV for teens to have caught it a few times though.
Look at these two!
8. Did teens really watch Million Dollar Arm, Noah, Blended, Earth To Echo, Think Like A Man Too or We’re The Millers?
There were a lot of nominees that I questioned last night. Not only did adults skip out on the movies listed above, making them box office flops, but I highly doubt the teens made up for it by rushing to the theatre to watch these flicks.
9. Are all old people considered villains?
Look at the nominees for Choice Villain: Michael Fassbender, Jamie Foxx, Kelsey Grammar, Kate Winslet and winner Donald Sutherland. Do teens really believe that old people are evil? [FYI, Michael Fassbender will always be a babe, regardless of age.]
10. Was it really appropriate for Jason Derulo to sing Wiggle to a bunch of teenage girls?
This was the moment in the show where the motherly spirit in me came out in full force. When Jason Derulo told the girls in the audience to wiggle their “big butts”, I was mortified. Granted, Derulo’s Wiggle (and Talk Dirty) are huge hits, but I found myself screaming this throughout the entire performance: