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It’s Friday afternoon, so this will be quick.  Because it’s Friday afternoon, and if I don’t get out of here soon, I’ll have a couple of EC dancers fighting for my desk.

I’m also off to a rehearsal for this weekend’s Fashion Cares.  My b-girl crew is breakin’ it down with drag royality and gamblers, in support of the AIDS Committe of Toronto.  I hear it’s a “party of the year” type of hardy.  Kick it!

Sophia, your turn to spill it.

And now for something completely different.

I’ve become rabidly obsessed with pirates. And as such I’ve begun my search for a small island that I can call my own… build a lair and my own pirate ship and live happily ever after.

Went and saw The Matrix: Reloaded last night with my (much) better half. This was the second time I’d seen it, the first being a pre-release so this time I was prepared to look for all the little hidden gems and pay attention to some of the lengthy, pop-philisophical ramblings. There’s no doubt that it’s entertaining, but really, they should stick to blowin’ stuff up and leave the philosophy outside of Hollywood.

And with that, I leave you with links to upcoming movies that have me stoked!

Pirates Of The Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
When Harry Met Lloyd: Dumb and Dumberer
The League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen
The Hulk
Johnny English

Well Soph, without Buffy and the sun on it’s way, I think it’s time you get away from the tube and get out of the house ! If not you’ll surely end up watching American Juniors every Tuesday night and then I might have to hurt you….I joke.

Here’s a few ideas for your for Tuesday nights….

A friend of mine got himself into great shape by taking classes at Toronto Circus School.

C’mon, how can you resist trapeze and trampolines? So fun.

Or take a really cute boy with you to a bikram yoga session? Sweaty, hot, totally cute….

Tuesday’s are Nu Music Nights at the Horseshoe so you could check some live music….better than Buffy? Perhaps.

Then again, I’m addicted to Survivor so I can’t say much (and neither can you).

And better than that, half price paintball at Sgt. Splatters.

Someone got game? I call Stevie Jarman, Shouldice (and her boyfriend, Rock n’Roll) and George against me and my pipes in a I’ll-Kick-Your-Ass game of paintball? That’s a challenge, kids. Take it like a punk or go home and cry over your Buffy dvd collection.

Justin, there are some questions that simply can’t be answered. For instance, why do you like the bands that you do?
I just got back from a few days in Ottawa. Getting there, though, was the quite the event, or rather, nightmare! My car broke down on the 401 just as I had passed Napanee. Luckily I have CAA and a cell phone, so a tow truck picked me up about an hour later and towed me all the way to Ottawa. Quelle aventure!

In other news of little importance, here are three short movie reviews.

The Matrix Reloaded
Of course it looks good and I must have found it somewhat suspenseful since I recall some bum clenching, but really, a rave scene? A rave scene cut with a sex scene? ***SPOILER ALERT*** And please, the “heart massage resurrection”? I’m sure this movie is pure porn for some people (Justin, again I look to you,) though. But for me? Not so much.

Down With Love
Renee? Not a favourite. Ewan - definitely a favourite. Silly laughs? Absolutely! ***SPOILER ALERT*** I still howl when I think of the helicopter ride at the end. How could she stay on the ladder with those high heels all the way to Vegas - it’s absurd and I loved it! Worth the price of admission? Ummm…probably not, unless it’s a pay week and you have an extra $13.50 to spare.

Bend It Like Beckham
Could it be that I laughed so much because I was drunk or because this movie was that funny? Let’s go for the latter. I have a new crush on Jonathan Rhys Meyers. Where do I sign up for soccer lessons?

Jarman, what will I do on Tuesday nights now that Buffy is over? “I’m cookie dough. I’m not done baking.”

Firstly, I’d like to point out that fireworks are, in fact, the best things ever, when used by a responsible adult such as me.

I was in Pickering this past weekend with some friends and we had ourselves a big ol’ Victoria Day Jamboree complete with a truckload of fireworks.  It was super!  We barbecued us some burgies and let the fire fly!  Sure, I lost some hearing, and the choking cloud of smoke afterwards made me nauseous, but it was SO worth it.

Anyway, while Kelly jumped in there discussing the merits of the firework, she didn’t discuss the Hasselhoff Video that Jenn linked to.  This looks like a job for…ME!

So let’s see…watching the video…watching…TURN IT OFF AAAAAGH….whew.

Taking a second to collect myself.

Wow.  That was possibly the most horrible thing I’ve ever seen in my whole life, but it’s a good thing I was wearing my Depends, because it was funny as hell.  I mean…what was he *thinking*???  I love the totally non-PC scene where he’s surrounded by natives and he’s dressed like the Crocodile Hunter and jumps up and down chanting “ooga chaka ooga chaka.”  As Wayne would say, that video is mental.

In that spirit, I’d like to point out something else that’s absolutely awful but amazingly wonderful all at the same time…

Witness: Something Awful

The only question I have is: why *do* the Germans love David Hasselhoff?  Anyone?

You know what’s the worst?

Fireworks.

Fireworks are worse than all of Madonna’s films combined, with the exception of ‘A League Of Their Own’ which was only acceptable because it had that great line “There’s No Crying In Baseball!” and because Lori Petty was in it…and she was in the movie Tank Girl which is a wicked movie based on a wicked comic book by Jamie Hewlett who did the amazing animation for Gorillaz and the Gorillaz made some great tunes.

But back to Fireworks. Now that summer is almost upon us, so is is Fireworks season. Let’s be honest with ourselves kids, they all look the same and they are all mega lame. I’ve given Fireworks a chance. I’ve seen all kinds. From someone firing a bottle rocket at a loser at a house party when I was in High School, to crappy store-bought ones at summer cottage parties, to the fricken Symphony Of Fire (which I’ve seen in both Vancouver and Toronto.) Growing up in Ottawa, I went to see the Canada Day fireworks on Parliament Hill almost every year. They were all boooooooring!

Man, just thinking about ‘worx makes me mad.

Happy Hip Hop Appreciation week! (May 18 - 25th).

If there is one link you click on today, this is it. According to the e-mail that came with it, this is the “new David Hasselhoff video.” Ed played this vid on Wham Bam. Say what, what? It will leave you with many questions. Is this for real? Is he serious? Why is he dressed as an Inuit?
Another site I can’t seem to get enough of > Care2’s Foto Face Off. Meow! This site doesn’t make me an annoying pet person, does it?
Open tag! Who’s game?

So I gotta be honest with ya… I’m still not Soph. But I do have something to say… as always. I went and saw “Matrix: Reloaded” last week (the kind folks at EMI gave us a pre-release showing after making our ears drool at the Radiohead listening party) and I liked it. I thought that it was a technological wonder and yet managed to delve into the back story enough to make me want to see it again… and eagerly await the next one. The one product placement was quite annoying as I thought it was unnecessary, but if you’re not sensitive to that sort of thing, you’re not likely to notice. The one thing that’s really burnin’ my ass though is how people are carrying on about how it was nothing but special effects. Hello! Have you even seen the first one? These are not “films” in the “Sundance, wear all black all the time, sip fancy Euro coffees whilst debating the meaning of the colour brown”. These are movies… action movies… and they are all eye candy, make no mistake. If you went in expecting “Casablanca” or “Life Is Beautiful”… you my friend, are a maroon.

And that, my friends is all I gots…

Thank you, Hannah, for telling the world about my fun nickname. *sigh* I guess it’s better than what my buddy Mo used to call me back in high school. You’d have to ask him, though, what that was.

Anyway, while all those parties Hannah attends sound fun, you guys won’t even be able to believe the crazy-fun party-vacation I’ve organized for myself…you know what they say: “If they don’t invite you to their parties, throw your own.” So that’s what I’m doing.

In July, after the 2003 installment of the MMVAs are but a memory, me and my friend Mike are going on the Road Trip Of All Road Trips.

Picture this: we begin in Toronto, drive to Cleveland and, on the first day, check out the Rock ‘N’ Roll Hall of Fame.

On Day 2, we drive over to the city of Sandusky, around the corner from Cleveland, for a full day of rollercoaster madness at Cedar Point. HOO-AAA!

Day 3, back in Cleveland, we attend Lollapalooza(!!!) and we rock hard to my favourite-band-of-the-moment Audioslave, as well as Incubus, Queens of the Stone Age, The Donnas, Jurassic 5…I could go on, but I’m getting all flustered just thinking about it.

On day 4, we return to Toronto with our wallets empty and our ears ringing.

Sounds awesome, eh? Good freakin’ times is what I call that. Of course…I still have to check with the, um, powers that be to make sure it’s all good, but I’m sure they won’t mind.

Speakin’ of vacations: Hey Matt, how was yours?

Hey Jenn!

Just hanging out here on the third floor, listening to the Yeah Yeah Yeahs on my headset (current fave cd) and watching the rain. Grey skies. Blar. The Yeah Yeah Yeahs album was our driving music all weekend as we crawled the streets in search of parties. Clapping along to “Black Tongue” is the best way to be in transit!

I got the weekend started Thursday night at the Exclaim?! anniversary concert. I was working there, but it hardly felt like it as I rocked out to awesome sets from the Constantines, Jim Guthrie and was totally blown away by Trans Am. They were really funny, nice guys and their songs were like, your future favourite songs of all time. I’m also a big fan of Tangiers, who got their silly on that night. Maybe the best part of their show was their random friend hanging out on stage, feeding Marco beer as he drummed, like a bottle to a baby. I should have taken heed to the onstage antics and not been surprised when it became a beerbath backstage (not the pants! spray beer away from the outfit!).

Still on the hunt for parties, the next night we roamed and found ourselves at the Trucker party. I’ve been to some good Trucker parties, but this one was questionable, so we went next door to the karaoke bar and were treated to some real gems. But please - if you’re going to do Sweet Child o’Mine while I’m in the room, you have to really do it justice or I will not be able to contain my urge to jump up and do it myself.

Saturday was the night of the House Party. First we went to a spread-out party in a big house and then a jampacked, hot-in-herre party in a small house. Speaking of Hot in Herre, raise your hand if you love the new Tiga video. It’s the best video I’ve seen all year! Puppets rule.

And that takes me to Monday. Whew. I need weekdays to give me a break between weekends…!

Now, I think it’s time for [na na na na na na na na na na na na] Nerdman!