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Movies, Survivor. Survivor, Movies. Blah, blah, blah-de-fricken-blah. So it has been confirmed that I will be turning over a new leaf. For today, anyway.

Things I could talk about:

My colon. However, I know that only 80% of you would want to hear about that.

The weather. Nah - too hip for me.

The Leafs. No can do. May lightning strike me down, but I?m not a hockey fan. Basketball is where it?s AT, yo. (I am hosting a birthday party for Brian Leetch?s kid, though. Should I be saying that?)

Sandwiches. Although I am a connoisseur, I choose not to discuss this matter with amateurs. Sorry.

Astro Physics. Alas, I took gym instead. Although I could always chat about the parabolic arc of a 3-point shot to sound smart.

So in conclusion, I have not the breadth of knowledge or experience to talk about anything other than TV and movies. Specifically Survivor and Kill Bill. Go Probst!!

So sorry to hear you’re feeling the pain of lost love MaryDeath. Altho it’s been a while since I’ve had a love to lose, I feel your pain. If you need a good cry, I suggest Ben Harper’s Another Lonely Day. If you’re looking to move on, I suggest Diana Ross’ I Will Survive?- I’m embarassed to say that I actually listened to this song after a bad breakup and it made me feel better.

You can start pointing and laughing now.

What’s making me feel pain right now? The fact that I’m not going to be spending the weekend at the Coachella Music Festival. I went last year and had the absolute best time. Unfortunately the old bank account ain’t so robust right now. Instead, I’ll be?spending next week on vacation at a little?hideaway I like to call Chez Les Parents in a very exclusive resort town. I plan on relaxing, raiding the fridge, borrowing the car and starting up a new hobby.

Ah oui, ze goode life.

Show me the money!!! That’s the first thing I said when we landed in Vegas. VEGAS!!!!!! Me and Nat-lie (another much-ie) decided to hit the ‘city of sin’ for a quick vacation.

Don’t ever let anyone tell you that 3 days is enough in Vegas. You need at least 5. One to shop and sleep off the jet lag, one to gamble (if you’re of age), one to sight see, one to see cheesy vegas shows , and one to lounge by the pool surrounded by palm trees drinking icy drinks with new friends. Who knew that there were palm trees in Vegas? Well I guess that would explain the name of Eminem’s favourite haunt ‘The Palms.’ And the best part is : ‘what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas!’ *sigh*

But being back home is okay, because I also went to see Kill Bill 2 Matt, and I don’t think you’re a dork for seeing it twice. Loved it, loved it! I screamed so much though I fell out of my seat and almost got kicked out of the theater. If you’ve seen the movie you’ll probably know when I screamed i.e. eyeball….ewwww….. Speaking of Tarantino, looking forward to watching ‘Hero‘ this weekend…it’s a Quentin Tarantino presents and looks as good as Crouching Tiger…

In the immortal words of Boston Rob, arrivederchi!

pharrell williams won’t stop flirting with me!

every time i look up, he’s there staring right at me and then he always tops off his stare with an overt wink.

it’s not like i mind. he’s really really hot, and seems like a perfect catch — but i mean — come on pharrell baby! play a little hard to get! it’s just not attractive when you throw yourself at me like that. sometimes i like to do the chasing. you know what i mean?

i guess i’m getting a bit of a reputation in the hip-hop community. i’ve pretty much dated everyone.

i guess it all started when me and p.diddy hooked up post-j-lo. it was a total rebound thing on his part. i mean most rappers do a little experimentation when they’re coming off a big break-up, but p.diddy fell totally head over heels in love with me and was like insisting i go to all these parties and movie premieres with him. and talk about generous — i mean why would i need an escalade AND a navigator? but that’s diddy. he thinks with his heart not his head.

that was definitely my most public hip-hop relationship, but not the most special. that special slot is reserved for nelly.

even though our time together was brief, the emotions were intense. me and nelly did everything together. he said i was his muse. it was my idea to add the extra “r”. the band-aid was also my idea — but more importantly, it was my idea to lose the band-aid when it got tired. (the remix album came out after we broke up — which explains a lot).

team digital took our photo when he came into much to visit me at work one day and meet my friends.

wow, pharrell’s lust for me really sent me down memory lane there for a minute! if he can manage to leave me alone for a few minutes, i’m gonna get back to work!

[ed. note: uh...justin...put your contacts in friend, that's manny flirting with you, not pharrell. and regarding this piece of fan fiction, or shall we say, cry for help, do you need a hug? we didn't realize how lonely you were. poor thing.]

Believe it or not, I kinda have to complain about this week’s episode of the OC. I have high expectations, it’s true, but how predictable was this latest chapter? Of course Julie has a “trashy” relative, of course Theresa shows up with a black eye and of course Summer’s dad hates Seth.

I’m convinced that the OC writers must read?show message boards because usually the plot lines are dead on to what people are talking about. But then what happened this week? Why are the “grown ups” getting so much time devoted to them? We never sit around saying, “I really hope they have more stories with Caleb in them!” Boo.
Seacrest out.

Dear Internet Box Nerds

Welcome to my blog comin’ at ya from the best part of Canada, the East Coast, if you never take the time to visit us out here you will never really know how we live.

So as Justin said, Slayer is indeed coming to the East Coast for a bunch of dates! I am so excited, it’s really cool that we are getting some real concerts out here for a change, and I also heard the rumour that the lovely and talented Bucket Truck have been asked to play those shows, word is they are deciding between that tour and one other. I’ll keep you posted
Can I tell you what a dork I am for a second, I saw Kill Bill Volume 2 the day it came out and then again on Sunday and then again last night. Do yourself a favor and don’t read reviews, just watch Volume 1 and then go see Volume 2 right away.

Ok thats it for me, here are some East Coast bands you should be checking out:

Kary

Ermine

In Flight Saftey

Fireign

werd

=mattttttttttttttttttttt

I’m not a big fan of crying, Devon.? Except when those tears are tears of pure, unadulterated joy.

Let me give you an example.? Tears about the Leafs (who are clearly going to lose horribly tonight and embarrass us all)?? No, sir.? Not me.? I care not a whit.? Tears of joy about how awesome the A Perfect Circle show is going to be on Thursday?? Yes, yes, please.? More tears.? Let them rain down.

You see, me and my buddies Ryan and Gregg are going to that particular show and we intend to rock our frigg’n faces off.? That’s just what you do when you go to big rock shows.? And, after all, in the immortal words of Tom Hanks, “there’s no crying in baseball.”

On another topic entirely, if you’re a resident of one of our fine Maritime provinces *and* a fan of heavy metal music, you’d best just sit right down and take a few deep breaths - and then yell the following: SLAYYYYYYERRRRRRR.? Cause they’re coming to your neck of the woods, along with Damageplan and Otep?and maybe even?St. John’s, NF?heroes Bucket Truck!? See here?- you can’t make this stuff up.

Finally, as a public service, I provide here a link to the newest Strong Bad email.?

I go now to cry some more.? Maybe I’ll go find Devon and encourage him to join in.? Tears of joy.

Blog-towns:

I came to the realization this morning that I haven’t heard an album in over five years that blew me on my ass. First there were tears, and then came the wailing. From the fetal position, I pulled myself out of my despair with a single question: what would The Kelly do? I’ve been stalking Kelly for about four months; since she uttered that first demeaning slur at me as I skulked passed her in the hallway of lower much. It’s been a happy, although nerve wracking few months trying to catch a glimpse of the all powerful and intoxicating Kelly. I’ve been lucky in the past few weeks, she’s taken to, well noticing me. She almost knocked me over 8 days ago in the foyer as she walked by me–you see, someone as important as The Kelly can’t stop to walk around a peon like me, no Kelly, our master, needs not wait for no one. And then there was the time I almost broke from my professional appearance and ‘actually’ spoke to her. See, I was coming out of the ladies washroom on the first floor, and The Kelly was coming in. I held the door for her, and as she approached, she walked right over to me, leaned in close, looking at me dead in the eyes and said, “outta my way, loser.” I was overjoyed, I almost hugged her. She noticed me! Can you believe it? me neither.

So what would The Kelly think about the overall mediocrity of the state of music today? Nothing. The Kelly doesn’t have time for such trivial crap. The Kelly is far beyond what little snot-nosed bourgeois brats like me think. And that’s what I did. Forgot about it completely.

The sun is shining today here in Toronto, and hopefully it will shine even brighter on Los Angeles this weekend- I’m off to interview the cast of Mean Girls! Which includes Tina Fey. Here’s hoping I don’t turn into a “superfan” and vomit all over myself.

When I’m not fawning over my comedic idol, I will be stuffing my face. LA has some of the best ice cream and fish tacos the world has to offer, so at least my puke will be made up of only the finest foods. Okay this is just getting gross and I need to pack. Have a great weekend everybody! I gotta get the hell outta? Dodge.