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I’m pickin up what you’re puttin’ down Kel. I go though that every couple of months as well. My saviours last time were: Eagles Of Death Metal “Peace, Love, Death Metal”, Elevator To Hell “Eerieconsilliation”, Blonde Redhead’s latest “Misery Is A Butterfly” and Air’s latest “Talkie Walkie”. A melange to say the least. And of course it never hurts to pepper the mix with old PE and NWA.

Since the weather didn’t cooperate last weekend, we took this weekend for all it was worth. Great weather and a ‘63 Buick Electra convertible… free kegs and bbq’s… about 90 hours of video games and to top it all off, banana fudge ice cream. Seriously, who could ask for more? Not this guy. In fact, I just found out that I missed Killswitch Engage and In Flames last night… which really burns… but not so much with that much party behind you. Which reminds me… I must send a shout out to the RCHC. Those guys know how to get down. Get your hands on the DVD if you don’t believe me.

And now, it’s Monday. I wish it was Sunday. Especially with the MMVAs looming ever larger on the horizon. And what’s that in its shadow? That’s right: MuchVote. And with that, back to work, jerk!

I?ve been having one of those ?I hate all my music? months. You know what I?m talking about - when it seems like everything you put in the stereo sounds the same?

All of a sudden, this week, everything has turned around and now there are nothing but sweet sounds filling my ears. The thing is, all of these artists are completely different and unrelated ? does this mean I have some kind of musical schizophrenia?

Anyhow, if you?re feeling the same way I have been lately, here are a few highlights from my week*. Maybe it will keep you from smashing your stereo** like I almost did:

Slipknot - Vol. 3: The Subliminal Verses

I?m still not totally sure how I feel about the more melodic Stone-Sour-y tunes towards the end of this disc, but the heavy tracks are unreal. Oh and Rick Rubin produced the album and I?ve decided he?s the best guy ever.

Bad Religion ? The Empire Strikes First

Holy smokes**! I?ve been listening to the re-mastered versions of their older discs for the past month to get primed for this release. I finally got my hands on it yesterday and I?ve listened already listened to it 9 times. Holy smokes***!

Loretta Lynn ? Van Lear Rose

Okay, so she?s old enough to be your grandmother and now it?s kinda trendy to be into her because Jack White produced the album ? but who cares??This disc is killer. Besides, she?s the one who sang the ultimate catfight song ?You Ain’t Woman Enough To Take My Man? back in ?66.

Pink ? Try This

Yeah, I know, this disc came out a million years ago but I never really listened to it until this week. Tracks 1-5 and 8 are rad. I?m not joking.

Belvedere ? Fast Forward Eats The Tape

Everyone who thinks the term ?CalgaryPunkRockers? is an oxymoron can suck on a cowboy hat. A few months ago, these guys did a tour of South America and were told that they were the first international punk rock band to play shows in small countries like Venezuela. How cool is that? I met Steve and Jay at the punk radio show I co-host and subsequently developed huge crushes on them both.

Okay that ends my musical tirade. I?d love to know what you guys are listening to lately, so that if I get in another slump I can look at your suggestions. Hit me up on the message board.

*Since I?m fortunate enough to work at a place where we get advance copies of CDs, you might not to get your hands on some of these discs right away. I swear, I?m not trying to rub it in your face ? but rather trying to give you something to look forward to. We?re still bro?s?right? Cool.

**By ’stereo’ I mean the old school ghetto blaster that my Dad won at a conference 8 years ago and gave to me. There’s nothing really stereo about it.

*** Isn?t saying ?Holy smokes? funny?

Well Hello!

First Timer here…speaking of first times, a very good friend of mine has a one man show coming up at The Cameron House entitled just that - ?’My First Time.’ Shout out to Paul!

Ok then, so I recently had a ’special’ visitor from Scotland, can I say cutie?! Two words for you: Scottish Paratrooper. Ok let me come back down to reality. We had the best time! I?took him to a Blue Jays game and had to explain baseball which was fun - we even made it on the Jumbo Tron with Mr. Mascot Ace! Talk about a blast! We also hit Niagara Falls - that’s a must for someone who has never been to Canada. In all the years that I have lived here (my whole life) I have never been on the Maid Of The Mist! Soooooo much FUN! What can I say, I miss him thisssssssssss much and can’t wait to go to Scotland this summer!

Can I say super fun this weekend? TIGA TIGA TIGA. It looks like so much is coming up in the way of DJ’s: Ms. Kittin, Dmitri From Paris, the list goes on and on!!!!!!
Any who back to work for this F to the L.O.A.T.E.R….

Later Skaters, off to a birthday party, the fun never stops kids!

N

Okay dudes - starting last Friday, it’s ALL MUSIC ALL THE TIME.

Interactive Kelly and I were at the Velvet Revolver press conference last Friday which was super cool because once upon a time I was a 12-year-old supernerd…and I looooved Guns and Roses. Sure they “scared” me, but I could never get enough of Appetite for Destruction. And last Friday, there was Duff McKagan, sitting right in front of me! I meet bands all the time, but there’s nothing like being in the same room as someone you loved as a kid. Plus, Scott Weiland has the best style on earth. I want his scarf.

AND THEN, this week is the best because a bunch of my fave bands are playing Toronto. J’aime, j’aime, j’aime les French Kicks. They’re even more exciting than a baguette and an Hermes twilly.

AND THEN, My Morning Jacket is in town. I love them sooo much I ordered a tee online which came to like $50 with all things said and done and when it arrived I nearly wept as it was essentially pinky-size. Who knew “youth sizes” really meant “baby sizes for the precocious infant in your life who listens to My Morning Jacket and navigates their online shop”?? At least my lil dude gets a new outfit. That is, my dog baby, not my human baby.

AND THEN, a dilemma as Tiga and The Constantines are playing the same night. Oooh, what to do. Regardless it will be a great week. I just hope my puffy eye goes away by then or I’ll only be able to see the stage with my right eye.

THE PARTY NEVER STOPS.

xo,

H!

we just announced the nominees and performer line-up for the mmvas! (which is why i’m here so early and frankly effin exhausted).

my favourite part of working here is watching rehearsals when a band comes in to perform…so i cannot WAIT to watch the beastie boys rehearse their MMVA performance! and of course rock the live show.

So Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow welcomed a little bundle of joy into the world last week. Actually, at 9 pounds 11 ounces she wasn?t exactly little, but I digress.  In case you didn?t catch the baby?s name, this might clue you in.

Yes, that is an apple.  They named their first born child APPLE.  APPLE Blythe Allison Martin. 

WTF? 

What could possibly possess two seemingly bright, level-headed people to give their baby the worst name in the world?  How much can a person really love apples? Maybe it?s a shout-out to the Beatles? Or maybe an explanation can found in these lines?

All I can say is, good luck little Apple.  I?ll commend you if you make it to age five without a name change.

While we?re on the subject of names, here comes a rant of sorts. 

I don?t have the most common name in the world but it also isn?t the strangest one out there (as Chris and Gwyneth have proven).  Yet you wouldn?t believe just how OFTEN my name gets utterly butchered. 

The latest:  I picked up the phone yesterday to hear a telemarketer ask for ANNUTELLA.  As if having to talk to a telemarketer on my afternoon off wasn?t bad enough, they confused me with a chocolate hazelnut spread.  The sad thing is, that?s not even the first time someone inexplicably turned my name into a food product. 

Back when I worked in telephone sales, a customer from Texas called back looking for ENCHILADA.  Considering the two words don?t sound even remotely similar, it begs me to ask just how stupid people really are.  I couldn?t live that one down for months. 

Now some of my co-workers have christened me AUNT JEMIMA.  They actually banded together and that was the best they could come up with.  One of them also calls me NELLA all the time, which is the most dreaded nickname of them all.  Seriously, it?s like nails on the blackboard.  Stop it already Rico!!!

I can?t even find my name in a search of 11,000+ baby names.

*sigh*

Looks like baby Apple and I have something in common.

so my friend morgen is dating this guy named kevin, and kevin has a personal trainer, and the other day kevin and his personal trainer worked out with vin diesel. i guess vin is in toronto but lost my number. jerk.

i first fell in love with vin around the time that the fast and the furious came out on dvd. i had just got my dvd player and i held the first annual vin diesel film festival in my living room. just me and vin. vin diesel film festivals are best done solo. i know it’s cheesy to have a crush on vin diesel and he’s the sort of guy that tarty girls with implants and old secretary ladies have a crush on, but i can’t help it. i think he’s hot and i don’t care who knows.

anyway, at my film festival i watched every vin diesel movie available including his first movie which he directed himself called multi facial. it’s not really much of a movie, but more of an audition piece about him as a struggling actor trying to find work. anyway i was watching a scene in the movie where he was in a tank top, drinking bottled water walking around chelsea — and a lightbulb went on. i decided that he was gay. i know he’s not gay, but i just liked the idea of it. call it wishful thinking.

so after that i may have told a few people that i thought vin diesel was gay. i tend to do things like this. next thing i know a few weeks later, some gay guy comes up to me to tell me that HE had heard that vin diesel was gay! i realized that i had inadvertently spread a rumour about my beloved vin and it was moving around like wildfire! but it was a rumour that i hoped was true so i didn’t bother to correct anyone. i knew it had gone too far a month later when i saw the Enquirer headline “Is Vin Diesel Gay?”. oops! sorry vin! he must be so mad at me. the best part of fighting with vin is making up.

ok back to present day…  when kevin told me that he had spent the afternoon at the gym with vin, i had some questions for him — and now i will share the gossip with you… 

it turns out that the gym they were using has private showers, so kevin didn’t have an answer to my first question.   :( 
but when i asked my second question, “is vin gay?” kevin said that he is definitely straight. totally heterosexual.
our love has been denied. oh well.

so to everyone who heard the vin diesel gay rumour, sorry about that. my bad.

Matt Brett just sent us this. It can’t be! Hassle The Hoff?!

Check out this very funny sendup of my favourite smarty-pants music criticism site www.pitchforkmedia.com. Sub Pop Records put the parody together - I particularly like the feature story “Pitchfork staffer says ‘hi’ to real-life woman”. Some of the links just go to the Sub Pop site, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. It’s a funny parody mixed with an original marketing idea. Certainly better than the grating trend of caricatured Scotsmen braying about beer, gum and cereal bars in commercials. Ach, it must stop!

Found this wacky fella who has decided today will be National Carb Awareness Day. I admit, I find it bizarre that everything is being offered in a low or no-carb version. No-carb pasta? Bread? Chocolate bars? Ice cream? There is quite likely a version of each of these on the market right now. How about no-carb carbs? Maybe someday scientists will make pretend food - It feels real when you chew it, but it actually disappears on the way down to your gullet. Now THAT would be useful. And magical.

Toronto-area fans of indie rock, go see Spitfires and Mayflowers if you get a chance. Very cool local band with an even cooler name. And many thanks to www.globalpopconspiracy.com for letting me consistently rip off your fab site whenever I post. You are the wind beneath my wings, Kev.

I was totally happy when Rupert won the million dollar bonus prize on ‘Survivor All-Stars’.

FALSE.

I really thought Colby deserved to win since he practically gave up the million dollars to Tina during his first round of ‘Survivor’.

TRUE.

Fantasia Barrino has to win American Idol or I’ll go completely insane.

TRUE.

People who decide not to vote for Fantasia are smart and have good taste.

FALSE.

Fantasia will be the most successful American Idol ever.

TRUE.

Fantasia will be more successful than Kelly, Clay, and Rubin put together.

TRUE.

I cried when Fantasia sang “Greatest Love Of All” last night.

FALSE. (but almost TRUE)

There is something weird about that Diana DeGarmo girl.

TRUE.

Ryan Seacrest’s talk show has already been cancelled for next year.

TRUE.

Brad Pitt looks totally hot in his new movie ‘Troy’.

TRUE.

Brad Pitt appears very naked in the movie at least 4 times.

TRUE.

Straight guys who watch ‘Troy’ will turn gay from the movie.

FALSE.

SNL’s Jimmy Fallon turned gay from watching ‘Troy’.

TRUE. (…at least that’s what he said on his last episode of SNL last Saturday.)

Brad Pitt didn’t want Eric Bana to get too naked in the movie because he wanted to be the only heart-throb in the movie.

TRUE. (…at least that’s what the gossip columns are saying.)

“Troy” is an amazing movie whether you like seeing Brad Pitt almost nude or whether you like good fight scenes.

TRUE.

“Lord Of The Rings” had a lot of battle scenes and I loved that movie too.

FALSE.

I think I was the only person who hated “Lord Of The Rings”.

TRUE.

I will never get those 6 or 7 hours of my life back.

TRUE.

I have a lot of work to do today and have to stop thinking up TRUE and FALSE statements.

TRUE.