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It is very coincidental that Jason (see 2 posts below) discussed mini foods in detail. See, a few weeks ago I was prompted by Napoleon Dynamite?s (in theatres now!) website to question select co-workers and friends about mini foods. Tots, in particular.

You may have come across tater tots in your day-to-day adventures, not to be confused with potato wedges. In the east coast, we call potato wedges “taters”, and the first (and last) time I attempted to order “taters” in Toronto, I was met with evil stares. People are very politically correct about their potatoes here, it would seem. Anyway, I digress. So tater tots are these little nuggets of crispy potato to be enjoyed on occasion (or as often as you want if you?re not watching your girlish figure). However, sometimes lines must be crossed, new boundaries discovered.

If you could take any food except for potatoes and create a tot from it, what would you choose? I say pudding tots. Don?t tell me it?s impossible; this is a hypothetical question.

Here are other suggestions I received:

Cheese Tots

Banana Tots

Chili Tots

Yam Tots, but since they’re potato family, ice cream tots

Chocolate Tots

Bacon Tots

Pizza Tots

Turkey Tots

Burrito Tots

Squash Tots

Donair Tots

Mary Kate and Ashley Tots?!?!?!

Don?t ask me about the last one, cause I don?t know what to tell you. Now, hand over the tots, foo?!

So it’s the day after the election and Paul Martin’s Liberals pulled it off, but not without a scolding from the electorate (the Conservatives won 99 seats - a significant increase since the last election…but of course, last election, they were splintered into two parties, the Progressive Conservatives and the Canadian Alliance…but we digress).

Instead of going further into depth about the results of the election, I’m going to get all weepy and patriotic on you today and tell you a brief story. Bear with me on this one.

Before work yesterday, registration card in hand, I went to my local polling station to vote. I walked in the door, padded over to the poll indicated on my card and received a nice little folded ballot from a kindly old lady. She indicated the booth behind her and I went over and marked my X in the circle next to my preferred candidate. Then, I returned my ballot to the kindly old lady - she tore a numbered strip off it and then deposited it in the ballot box. And I went on my merry way.

So you’re probably thinking: “who gives a crap? We all did that yesterday. You’re wasting my time. Jerk.” And you’d mostly be right.

Except, my point is this: the story I just told you is actually freaking incredible! Recent world events have clearly demonstrated the fact that many countries don’t have democracy of any kind - some are lawless; some are ruled by dictators or theocrats; and some simply oppress the populace to the point where they can’t vote freely.

In Canada, we have possibly the finest example of democracy around - one where every single person is free to vote for whom they choose without the threat of oppression, intimidation or physical violence. Any country that has little old ladies manning the polls - instead of, say, armed gunmen - is one I want to live in. And I bet you think the same, but maybe you’d never thought about it before.

All I’m saying is that it’s an amazing thing to see democracy work - peacefully, without fanfare and with a binding result that isn’t going to be questioned and/or decided by the courts. Yesterday morning, I counted my blessings once again - it’s great to be Canadian.

okay… my only GOOD gossip (because it’s the only stuff I CAN talk about, since all the rest is WAY too scandal-rific and will probably get us in trouble with a handful of celebs and record company types) is that I personally witnessed the magic that is a new celebrity friendship being born. In the backstage dressing room area (where all the best food and drinks were) was this hangout room where all the celebs were doing exactly that.  Anyhoo, Amy Lee (of Evanescence) and Vivica A Fox (of Kill Bill) became BFF (best friends forever) right before my very eyes - then one of them took out a disposable camera and held it out to take pictures of them together.  It was all very “Beaches”… a gold Kodak moment if I do say so.  Anyways, the details are sketchy as I was trying not to stare…

More importantly, last year at the MMVA party there were these delicious mini hamburgers which I instantly fell in love with and needless to say, I was very excited to get re-acquainted with them again this year, but to my dismay they were no where to be found. It looks like they were replaced by a fancy banana split offering.  I was really disappointed that there was no mini food represented at the MMVA catering stations.

(I just got so excited by the mini food talk that I spilled my lunch on my t-shirt - damn!)

This brings me to my real inspiration for today…the joys of mini food.  Here is a helpful field guide to mini food (or at least part one). The first thing you should know is that ALL food tastes better in the mini form.


MINI CUPCAKES
The ultimate in mini food. I just love how you can pop them in your mouth. They MUST be iced for full effect. Mini muffins are also good if you can’t get little cupcakes. I made some mini cupcakes at home and they were delicious.

MINI OREOS
These are really cute and very good. It is brillant that they come in those space aged packages. Other cookies come in new mini sizes, but the Oreos are far superior.

MINI CARROTS
These are way more tasty than the traditional vegetable. They are snack size and sweet.

GRAPE TOMATOES
Not to be confused with “Cherry Tomatoes” which are not even close to as tasty. Look for these next to the sub-par cherry variety at your local grocery.

MINI CHOCOLATE BARS
Also referred to as “Halloween Sized” these chocolate offerings are twice as good as the normal ones. Also, you can eat a couple of them so that provides you with the opportunity to sample a variety of popular flavours since they most often come in assorted bags.

MINI BURGERS
Remember when Burger King came out with those mini hamburgers in the 80’s. That was simply BRILLIANT! Bring them back pronto… come on BK cash in on the mini food craze.

MINI ORANGES
You know those mini oranges that come out around Christmas time. Those kick ass! Except when they have seeds.

CRISPY MINIS
These people have taken mini to a whole new level.  It’s mini and packed with flavour and tastes like potato chips only they say they are healthy.

RITZ BITZ
I know this technically should have fallen under cookies and crackers. But those Ritz people have these mini little Ritz made into sandwiches with this dried up Cheese Whiz type stuff and they are so cute you could just choke on them. I totally love these. They also come in a peanut butter flavour, but I have never tasted PB and also have a phobia about it. (seriously, but that’s a whole different blog)

MINI PIZZAS
The pizza place almost across the street from MUCH sells these mini pizzas that are like WAY smaller than the slices they sell but WAY more expensive. I keep buying them because I swear they taste better and they come in their own little mini pizza boxes which I get a huge kick out of. I just look at them and laugh just like when I see a real cute puppy do something stupid.

Alright, I’ve divulged WAY too much info on you for one day. Absorb what I have told you and I’ll hand down more wizdom once I recharge.

so the big show has come and gone. i know you kids are probably stuffing your faces with cheese twists, watching the show and wondering “wow, who is the guy that shoots the building?” - well, that’s me. i like to consider myself an architectural specialist shooter. i don’t shoot the humans, only inanimate objects - there will be more on this in the future. for now my mission is to let you in on what goes on at the after party. i can’t speak for everyone so i’ll just tell my own story:

as soon as i was allowed off the roof of the building across the street and completed my post-show tasks it was off to the secret location after party, where it’s like heaven and they serve drinks till 4am.

first, some highlights / lowlights from past after parties include having to lock myself in a bathroom stall with britney spears’ male dancers banging on the door trying to get in. highlight or lowlight - you decide, lowlight from my perspective. someone (i can’t remember who) whipping a plastic yellow hard hat and almost taking out treble charger. there’s other stuff but it will either get censored by those goose steppers over in team digital or i just can’t remember.

this year as soon as i walked through the door i let out a brian johnson ac/dc yell and headed for the bar. hawksley workman handed me a gin and tonic but i don’t drink that so i handed it to someone else, diana ross maybe? i’m not trying to name drop, i don’t know mr. workman, he seemed upset with the drink and the bartender and just wanted it out of his sight. there was a line up to get to the upper floors so we thought “wow, imagine what’s going on up there if all these people are lining up to get up there”. we got up and the same stuff was going on up there that was going on downstairs. the music was pretty good and i said “i wish they would play some ac/dc” and then like a magical unicorn dancing on a cloud made of marshmallows (is it mallows or mellows?) my wish came true and the next 2 songs were by those crazy bastards.
manny and i were buying rounds and it was manny’s turn to get the drinks and just as my supply was running low manny was nowhere to be found. i was starting to question the integrity of my friend when like a glorious whirlwind of hydro electricity manny stepped out of the hallway with his arms full of drinks, even better quality than my round. he mumbled something about vivica a. fox and grinned like the cheshire cat.
the old rap started playing so a circle got formed and there was dancing, i myself like to dance vertically because it comes in handy when you’re in a crowded bar. someone asked me to do the worm so i did but for some reason i had no forward momentum so it was a stationary worm which confused me. i didn’t know how to get out of it so i did a backspin into a penthouse pose and that seemed to satisfy the worm thirsty crowd. after that i needed some water, so i had some. then howard the duck bought me a drink and then i went home. it was fun. the end.
p.s. - send cookies

the mmva’s are over and boy are my arms tired. that makes no sense.
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yesterday was REALLY touch and go for me. i wanted to sleep under my desk SO badly. i heard a rumour that a girl in our sales department (i don’t know who) got in trouble because she was caught sleeping under her desk with like a pillow and a blanket. i think that girl deserves a raise for her ingenuity!
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i went to two after-parties. i remember a lot from the first one and not much at all from the second one. i spotted a few celebs at the first after party. i ordered a drink next to steve-o from sum41. i’ll never wash my swizzle stick again. and i think i saw avril lavigne. it may have been her doppelganger sister. i’m not sure. i tend to always think i’ve seen avril lavigne when i’m drunk so it may have just been a hallucination. my friend rob always sees the alphabits wizard when he’s drunk. it pops out from behind furniture and scurries behind the couch and stuff.
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the next after-party is a bit more of a mystery for me. i know i was outside at one point talking with television’s own mr. diego fuentes. but i don’t remember any other celebrity sightings. i befriended (and terrified) new much employee matt, who is a future celebrity fyi.
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because i remember so little, i will invent my own imaginary celebrity gossip to share:
-i distinctly overheard allanah myles telling vivica a. fox that she could kick her ass
-p. diddy was spotted in a bathroom stall making out with carol channing.
-hilary duff pushed avril lavigne into the buffet table, sending crab cakes flying all over nipsy russell
-sally struthers, who recently married george stromboulopolis, stole paris hilton’s dog — and then ate it! she was then forcibly removed by security.
-a huge fight started when gavin mcleod (who was wasted AGAIN) refused to give amanda marshall one more cent of child support until she could prove the baby is his. maury povich stepped in and broke it up. i later discovered that connie chung was at home nursing a cold.
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what a CRAZY NIGHT!
this is where the editor’s note will point out once again that this is FAKE gossip. fine. but it could have happened!
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[ed. note: it's kinda strange that justin always has to make up his gossip. strange, and sad. pity him]

HOLY CRAP, am i ever exhausted. by the time i got to bed last night it was this morning…you know what i mean?

watching the beastie boys rehearse their mmva performance yesterday afternoon was amazing. i think almost everyone on staff stopped what they were doing to ch-check it out. (i promise that’s the very last time i will use that expression, RIP)

same goes for billy talent. both rehearsals and performance were stellar. loads of other highlights, but you don’t need me to tell you. you can watch the repeats often, i’m sure, as well as check out the site.

since we were all busy working during the show, we caught up on all the good bits we missed by watching the repeat this morning. when you’re in the middle of the madness you don’t really get the chance to take it all in as a whole. i knew the show looked good, but i had no idea how good til i watched it today.

kerry, a producer here, commented this morning that we should do an xmas show that’s on the same scale, so we can start working on it now…yup, he’s nuts.

kristine, another producer here, remarked, “Remember the MMVAs?” yes kristine, yes we do. (yup, she’s also nuts)

everyone else? seems to be? talking about the mmvas, so i guess i? will as? well. if i had to pick who i personally am most excited about seeing perform, i would say kanye west. (and if you’re wondering, if kanye asked… i would say yes). anyway, he is my car music choice right now, so it’ll be great to see him live. (do me baby)
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my least favourite part of the actual mmva night is when natalie (she’s a much floater) starts obsessing over the after-party. she’ll start asking about it when it is still light out. first question will be “which after party is everyone going to? which one? which one?” and she will ask me 40,000 times. then once that pressing issue has been settled, the desperate search for extra passes will begin. “if you get an extra pass, let me know ok. it’s for tyler. tell anyone with an extra pass for the after-party ok? i’d better call tyler. have you talked to tyler?” tyler is natalie’s cousin. and he is a lot of fun. and i am going to hear his name a million times before the mmva party is over. i just know it! i should mention that i have known natalie since we were 13 in london ontario so we are sort of like an old married couple. we have sex about as often as an old married couple too (never). but she HAS offered fyi.
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she will surely be mad at me now. but? perhaps she will post back in revenge. that might be fun! i’ll just apologize now.

Hello everyone (everyone, everyone) That’s the echo. Much has emptied out except for a few hardcore folks who have handcuffed themselves to their desks (hi, Interactive?) and the swarms of magic-makers who are putting together the special “look” for the MMVAs. Eep! Where is everybody??? Well, I’m in my usual spot, and so is George but I only caught a glimpse of Amanda as the elevator doors were closing and she smiled and waved like, “Where am I going?” That’s a question we all want answered in life, Amanda. Let me know when you know. As for everyone else, can’t say I’ve seen ‘em. Let’s hope they show up, brushed, scrubbed and shiny-faced for the MMVAs on Sunday. Where are you everybody (everybody, everybody)?!

The MMVA mayhem has begun!?I’ve been?climbing over piles of half-finished sets and lighting gear and inhaling sawdust particles all day…and LOVING EVERY MINUTE OF IT! There’s this energy that fills Much HQ the week before the big bash that is unlike any other time of the year!

This morning Devon and?I went on a covert mission into the parking lot, where they were setting up the main stage, to take the photo of the day. Luckily he was wearing a hardhat/sunglasses disguise so people would just think he was part of the construction crew…

Now I have to figure out what area to infiltrate tomorrow…

‘Tis a strange, strange world when Conan The Barbarian is a Governor and airports are willing to be named after fad TV shows. (No disrespect to “The O.C.” but naming an airport after FOX TV show? What’s next? The Littlest Groom High School?)

But, yes, this is all happening in real life.

Here’s some other strangeness going on in the world:

This Sunday, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen turn 18. Why do people care? They were a part of one of the worst television programs ever conceived (or the best, depending on your tolerance for crap. I fall into the ‘Full House was so bad it was good’ category.) None of their movies are worth seeing (except for that one with Steve Guttenberg… man, he’s funny!) And besides, the girls have the same body as your 12 year-old brother.

Speaking of birthday countdowns, check out the one for Lindsay Lohan. Now, maybe it’s just me, but if I had complete losers… I mean, strangers, counting down the seconds until I was legally able to have sex, then I would probably be a wee bit creeped out. But hey, that’s just me!

(As an aside, what kind of life do you live if you have nothing better to do than create a website counting down the days until a celebrity turns 18? It’s not like you’re ever going to meet them, and if you do, I’m almost guaranteed you won’t have sex with them. Just a thought.)

Speaking of having sex, check out this post on the Loud message board. Sometimes our Loud posters surprise me… the fact that one of them knew who both Jessica and Ashlee Simpson were astounds me.

That’s enough about sex for one day. Keep fit and have fun!