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- Jen is being very civl with regards to the whole Brangelina situation. I mean the girl has admitted that she ain’t going to get hitched until Brangelina do. Puhhhhlease. Get over it!
- A little practice doesn’t hurt. Beyonce is so nervous about kissing Jamie Foxx for her new flick that she has seeked out kissing lessons. I wonder how the Jigga man feels?
- Who knew Jermaine Dupri was so frisky? He likes to do it anytime and anywhere and that’s why Janet considers her main squeeze the best lover. Dirty.

- I don’t quite understand girls that wear makeup to the beach, let alone high heels- you should be fined if you’re caught doing it! Well, if I ran the world, Jessica Simpson would be fined with one hefty ticket. The pop singer has admitted that she is guilty of this. Honestly, how can you walk on the golden sands without sinking?

- Bump or no bump, that is the question. It looks like Halle Berry is the latest celeb to be sporting the much sought after accessory of the year, the infamous bump. Me thinks, that this is all a bunch of phewwy…

- Carmen Electra and Jamie Foxx?!?!?! According to Carmen this is one big laughable rumour.

Holla!

I guess the “big news” this week was that *NSync’s Lance Bass came out on the cover of People magazine. We say, good for you. But we also say, would he have done it if he wasn’t constantly gossiped about previously to this on sites like Perez Hilton? Dude, Lance Bass being gay is soooo 2001. We’re glad that he didn’t continue hiding it, unlike some people we know (cough, cough Kevin Spacey apparently cough, cough).

Last week I told you that Pam Anderson and Kid Rock have once again decided to get married. Here’s the update: they called it off. Just kidding. What I meant to say is that they’re gonna have like 500 weddings: in Detroit, Tennessee, California and France. Dayam. They’re doing it for the presents.

So, Jada Pinkett Smith says that she’s seen Suri Cruise. The baby has a ton of hair. There you have it: the next best thing to actual photos. So, they’re allegedly arranging celebrity viewings but word on the street is that Katie Holmes’ parents still haven’t seen the baby? I don’t need to say it, it’s already been said - but this whole thing is still shady. We’ll let you know if or when it becomes unshady.

Here’s a story about Britney being mean to her pool boy. Isn’t that what pool boys are for? Anyway, I don’t believe it. I once heard that Britney saw a bunch of kids on the street once and they said, “BRITNEY!” and she said, “hi, y’all!” which OBVIOUSLY means that she’s a really nice person. That pool boy’s just mad that he didn’t get regular pool boy privileges (midnight romps in the pool house).

Oh, oh, sorry Fall Out Boy. Take it easy, Bravery. Things are gettin’ better, Panic! At The Disco. Yes, rest your weary heads because Brandon Flowers wants to take back all the sh*t he said about you. He’s a nice guy, really. Just like his last name says. But here’s a piece of advice: in this vulnerable stage of faux-affection, it’s the best time to retaliate. But I didn’t tell you.

Speaking of Fall Out Boy, they JUST went in the studio to start working on the next album. Didn’t Pete Wentz just say that Lil’ Wayne is his new lyrical inspiration? That’s amusing.

Ashanti might be pregnant, just so you know. Cause you were wondering, I can tell. The baby’s daddy is probally her secret boyfriend Nelly, who she’s been dating (allegedly) for about three years now. Let us celebrate with some appropriate Ashanti lyrics: “Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby. Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby”. Or how about this one? “Aww baby! Ooo baby!” Yes Ashanti, WE GET IT, you’re pregnant! Godddd.

You can feel better about the state of things because Lindsay Lohan has finally fulfilled her bi-annual trip to the hospital due to heat and/or exhaustion. Carry on.

Short & sweet this week, folks… see you next time!

Take a peek at K-Fed’s upcoming campaign for Blue Marlin… IF YOU DARE!!! Blue steel? You decide.

Awesome.

Madonna requires a new toilet seat at every concert venue. But as her publicist says, who wouldn’t want a new toilet seat?

Think about it - how many of you are squatters in public restroooms? How many of you cover the seat in paper?

So, I’m not bugging about the whole toilet seat thing. The woman is a legend, and as such deserves a fresh surface. However, the three candles to protect her from mean-spiritness? That’s where things get loopy. Dun dun dunnn. I can understand having three candles to protect from vampires, but mean-spiritness? Psh.

If it’s hot enough to wear sandals, why are you wearing socks?

And if it’s not hot enough to go sockless, why are you wearing sandals?

Surely you’ve seen photos spreadeagled across the internet with Matthew McConaughey in various states of stretchiness. Well, Best Week Ever Blog threw a little photoshop contest to see what people could do with Matthew’s limber joints. And I must say, this animated gif truly tickles my funny bone. And THEN, the photoshop weiners continued to make me giggle like a school marm (marm is the new girl, tell all your friends). Thanks for the good times, McConaughey.

No! NOOO!!

You know, I had known and/or suspected that Tina Fey (aka my hero) would be leaving Saturday Night Live to work on her new sitcom. But here’s the depressing update: not only is Tina leaving the show, as she confirmed on Leno last Friday, but Rachel Dratch is ALSO leaving the show. Why don’t they just take a mini shovel and scoop my eyes out, and then remove my laugh muscles with a spatula? Hmm? Break my heart into pieces and stomp on them like grapes until they turn into bitter wine? Aye me, if it weren’t for Amy Poehler still hanging in there, I’d be lying down on the streetcar tracks right now. (Shut up, Wendy! Stop being such a drama queen!) Good-bye, SNL. It’s been fun. Holla back when you’ve proven that you still deserve my love.

-Uma Thurman is having problems finding dates. Well shoot, Kill Bill and My Super Ex-Girlfriend can ONLY prove that she’s a revenge-thirsting maniac. Right?
-Forget the story about Posh & Beck’s marriage doing better, click for the hilarious photograph. We see you doingn that, Becks!
-Kelly Rowland’s gonna be a baby’s mama? Whaaat!
-More from DC3, here’s a little story about Beyonce and her maw gettin’ sued.

Um, Axl, could you be a bigger diva?!

According to the story, Axl made fans at a Newcastle gig on the weekend wait over an hour and fifteen minutes for G’NR to come on stage so that he could EAT A ROAST LAMB DINNER BACKSTAGE. WTF? That is totally ludicrous. Apparently Axl refused to go on stage until a lamb roast dinner was produced. In the meantime, fans started getting antsy and nearly started a riot.

Hilarious. Who eats an entire lamb roast dinner before going on stage to perform for two hours? Not the smartest pre-concert meal.