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So last night I was lucky enough to see an advance screening of the hotly anticipated Transformers. I was pretty excited - ever since the original teaser trailer came out MONTHS ago I have been getting all nostalgic-like over all things Hasbro… too bad my inner 8-year old threw a fit when the movie was over ‘cuz this movie stank. Yes, the special effects are out of this world, but unfortunately that is about it. The plot - and I use that term loosely here - revolves around dorky Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) who, through an explorer ancestor, is linked to an intergalactic battle between the heroic Autobots and their opponents, the Decepticons. Still with me? No? Well neither is the movie because all possible logic and plot at this point go out the window. Which would be fine with me if it had some hella good robot-on-robot pummeling action - but even then, all the big fight scenes are shot in such extreme close-up that all one sees for 2 and a half hours is metal grinding against metal. Headaches and epilepsy ensue.

And don’t even get me STARTED on the dialogue - it reeks. Jon Voight can’t even make sense of it (he’s obviously here just to cash a big fat paycheque). And there are SO MANY USELESS CHARACTERS that show up for a few scenes and then simply disappear with zero explanation - and they each have their own “schtick”, like Anthony Anderson who keeps yelling at his grandma or John Turturro who just, well, says stupid shit or Bernie Mac who keeps yelling at his employees and, yes, his grandma. Shia LaBeouf is fun to watch though - he has geeky charm to spare.

Maybe I was just expecting too much. The group of fanboys sitting behind me stood up and cheered when the credits rolled, but I just rolled my eyes. Nothing here was edgy or frightening or awe-inspiring - director Michael Bay was playing it so safe that frankly, I got bored. Is it so wrong of me to expect something great? I wanted some killer action, some Decepticons doing some hardcore damage, someTHING to make ME stand up and cheer - but all I got was groan-inducing dialogue, jokes that fell flat, and action that gave me vertigo. Transformers are cool - Transformers The Movie is not.

See the trailer here.

I think that one of the highest honours of the acting/singing/celebrity world is to, well, one - be the guest host on Saturday Night Live and two, voice a character on the Simpsons. Like, come on - Meryl Streep, Michael Jackson, Britney Spears, The White Stripes, 50 Cent, LeBron James, everybody… Well, I’m not that famous or anything (only not at all) but now I too can become a Simpsons character. And so can you! EEEE! *belly bump*

Just like the South Park personal avatars of old, you can create your own Simpsons image. That’s me, sort of. There aren’t really any clothing options, and I think you have to register to save it (I screen grabbed). We’ve got the Simpsons movie promotional page to thank for this Friday time well wasted funbit, and if you happen to post your own image somewhere on this big and beautiful interslice, share the link below!

So another long weekend is upon us…and I am among the thousands of people scurrying off to a cottage, or some distant destination because there is one whole extra day, who know one day could make such a difference, I mean it’s only one day…Who knew when they decided to make this weekend a long one that everyone would use it as an excuse to get insanely drunk and party like animals…whoever decided on it obviously didn’t have any daughters!

I have enjoyed my fair share of long weekends…in fact some of my best memories are from long weekends…and my enjoying those weekends has nothing to do with the previous comments about daughters…I would just never, ever, ever let my little sister go away for a long weekend based on what I’ve seen and heard…

So as I embark on yet another long weekend in Grand Bend with Leah and Tim to do our annual Hot & Wet show all I can think about is the 3 hour car ride with Leah and I arguing the whole way, the fact that I haven’t even packed yet, the guy with tequila breath asking me why we don’t play more At The Drive In, and where and what the @#@#$% my little sister is doing!

- Matte

On Saturday night I was lucky enough to finagle my way backstage at the main Pride concert. I had no idea who was playing, but as soon as I heard the Justin Timberlake/ Beyonce mashup I knew it had to be The Cliks. Some bands you just need to hear live to fully appreciate their worth and this band is truly one of them. Their enthusiasm on stage and their sense of humour made for a great show.

The next evening I headed over to Peter Kane park to see Rae Spoon who had had his guitar lost by Air Canada, but the show must go on so he borrowed Lucas’s guitar (from The Cliks!). I first heard Rae at the Vancouver Folk Festival five years ago and it was nice to be reunited with some honest story telling music. Fab and fierce weekend.

hx