Look into our crystal ball
Watch our interview
It’s actually dangerous
September 4th, 2014
Today is Beyoncé’s 33rd birthday and if you haven’t bought a cake in her honour and eaten it in bed, or at your desk, or wherever you are, then please take this time and do it now. We’ll wait.
…Okay, back? Cool. Let’s get down to some real talk now: why is today not an international holiday? It’s Beyoncé’s friggin’ birthday! Now we don’t know if there’s a petition out there yet, but we are totally willing to start one because September 4 is a holy day in our books and here are 33 reasons why we believe that.
1. Because Beyoncé has been blessing us with incredible music for over two decades.
2. This is the woman who gave us Say My Name…
3. Independent Women…
4. And Bootylicious. This might have been the summer of booty anthems, but Beyoncé, Kelly and Michelle were 13 years ahead of the game. We were totally not ready for that jelly.
5. This was all with Destiny’s Child, mind you. We haven’t even gotten to her amazing solo career yet! In 2003, Beyoncé released what might be the best first single ever in the history of music.
6. Since then, she’s released five mind-blowing albums, each one packed with #1 singles making Beyoncé one of pop’s most successful stars.
7. Beyoncé is also a phenomenal performer. Like, you NEED to see her at least once in your lifetime or else you haven’t truly lived life to the fullest.
8. Her Superbowl Halftime Show should be served as the prime example to future performers of how to put on a great show. Like, seriously, can you even remember any other halftime show since?
9. Any and all of her TV specials are historic events that we must crowd around and watch.
10. She even performed at the most important TV event ever: Oprah’s last show.
11. Beyoncé’s dancing is on a whole other level that we can only dream of reaching one day.
12. Let’s not forget that she can also act. She is the ultimate triple threat. In fact, she’s more like a hexagonal threat.
13. She’s also a proud feminist and has a number of songs that promote female empowerment. Just spreading the good word of feminism like the queen she is.
14. Speaking of which: Beyoncé is the Queen B and all queens should have a holiday dedicated to them.
15. Of course, we must mention her king.
16. And their princess.
17. A.K.A. THE ROYAL FAMILY.
18. Literally everyone wants to be Beyoncé.
19. But let’s face it, we can’t.
20. This woman is a one-of-a-kind saint and we are lucky to feel her presence every day.
21. She treats her fans with the utmost love and respect.
22. She tackles problems flawlessly.
23. Nothing (and no one) will ever drag her down.
24. When Beyoncé put out her self-titled album last December, she revolutionized the way artists would drop their album. Whereas most artists try to give their fans a surprise, members of the Beyhive truly lost their sh-t when Bey released this album out of nowhere.
25. SHE CREATED THE VISUAL ALBUM.
26. She has created new words for us to use because she’s so great that she doesn’t even speak a language we understand sometimes.
27. Absolutely no one compares to Beyoncé. NO ONE.
28. We need to take the time today to re-watch Beyoncé’s incredible performance at the MTV Music Video Awards this year. Multiple times.
29. This in itself should garner Bey a holiday. *Prayer hands emoji*
30. She is the “greatest living entertainer” because Jay Z said so and he’s all about the #factsonly.
31. And let’s not forget that she also has the “best music video of all time!” SO MUCH GREATNESS DESERVES AN EFFIN’ HOLIDAY, AMIRITE?
32. At least one person has already tried to take today off to celebrate this holiest of days.
33. If we don’t make this happen, the Beygency will come after us.