A Madonna Lesson In ’4 Minutes’

April 7th, 2008

Some things we learn about Madonna, Justin and Timbaland from the 4 Minutes music video:

1. When Timbaland is in trouble, he will put his plea into song, repeating, “I’m outta time and all I got is 4 minutes.”

Why doesn’t anyone help him, before he starts seizuring?!

madonna 4 minutes_timbaland seizure.jpg

Too late.

Oh right, Madonna is too busy pushing a car into someone’s livingroom. Naturally.

2. Madonna and Justin are perverts and take the term “Peeping Toms” one step further by actually invading the homes of some frisky youngins.

madonna 4 minutes_make out.jpg

At least I now know what I missed at the BodyWorlds exhibit. Thanks, Madonna, for saving me the $20 entrance fee. And thanks for forever taking the fun out of making out.

3. Madonna and Justin are into backseat shenanigans.

madonna 4 minutes_backseat car.jpg

Um, Guys, aren’t you two a little old for that? We do NOT need to see that, no matter how remarkably good the lighting is back there.

4. Madonna and Justin are just like us! They too do their own grocery shopping!

madonna 4 minutes_grocery 2.jpg

And then, just like me, they proceed to dance on the checkout conveyors. Subsequently, M and J (and I) have been banned from all Superstores in the LA area.

5. Madonna and Justin see each other when they look into the mirror.

madonna 4 minutes_mirror.jpg

Now this is actually some freaky shit. If I saw Madonna when I looked in the mirror, I’d have reason to end it all.

6. Madonna and Justin need each other’s help to get undressed.

madonna 4 minutes_undressing.jpg

Well, partially undressed. God forbid they actually follow through with something. First the hinted at orgy in the bedroom, then the almost kiss in the backseat of the car, and now a purely platonic dance routine. Listen, it’ll take me less than 4 minutes to find something better to watch, mmmkay?

7. And finally, although Justin may be attractive, his innards certainly are not.

madonna 4 minutes_justin insides.jpg

Ugh.

ASIDE: My favourite part of this (actually somewhat decent) video? Madonna’s wink-and-gun dance to the camera. This is how my Grandma dances at weddings. She’s hip like that.

madonna 4 minutes_guns.jpg