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Another day, another Kanye West interview to make fun of

July 22nd, 2014

Kanye Quotes

I’m not gonna lie, I kinda live for the next Kanye West interview. Okay, so I don’t actually LIVE for them, but they’re always something to look forward to. His brilliant insights on life, love, music and especially himself have provided me and my friends with endless amounts of laughter.

Kanye recently sat down with GQ (10 days after his wedding, no less) to talk about the usual: himself, Kim, the paparazzi, himself, Jay Z, gold toilets, himself, fashion, and lastly, how truly awesome he is. But as with every Kanye interview, there is always one moment that stands out as a true take-away gem. Behold:

Does that kind of mockery feel like an effort to de-fang you?
But also, there’s no fangs. I don’t have fangs. I’m a porcupine. I’m a blowfish. Like, I’m a—what’s the fish that blows up?

A blowfish?
Yeah. I’m a blowfish. I’m not a shark, I’m a blowfish. So that perfect example about me hitting my head, it’s like a blowfish. I wasn’t coming out of my house going to a paparazzi’s house to attack them. I’m defending my family in front of my own house. I’m defending my name as someone’s screaming something negative at me. That’s a blowfish. People have me pinned as a shark or a predator in some way, and in no way am I that. I wouldn’t want to hurt anyone. I want to defend people. I want to help people.  

There you have it, folks. Kanye ain’t nothing but a blowfish.

LOL. Pretty amazing, am I right? But where does this gem rank among all the other (seemingly countless) gems Kanye has given us over the last 10 years? Let’s take a look back at some of Kanye’s best and funniest quotes and musings:

First, the ad-lib that truly put Kanye on the map:

This was the precise moment that every TV producer in the world learned that you never, ever, EVER give Kanye the mic on live television.

Kanye RE: his public persona

“I’m a pop enigma. I live and breathe every element in life. I rock a bespoke suit and I go to Harold’s for fried chicken. It’s all these things at once, because, as a taste maker, I find the best of everything. There’s certain things that black people are the best at and certain things that white people are the best at. Whatever we as black people are the best at, I’ma go get that. Like, on Christmas I don’t want any food that tastes white. And when I go to purchase a house, I don’t want my credit to look black.” – Spin, December 2007

“Someone could be a better rapper, dance better. But culturally impacting? When you look back at these four and a half years, who’s the icon at the end of the day? Who broke down color barriers? What other black guy would a white person use as a fashion reference?” – Details, February 2009

“Maybe 90 percent of the time it looks like I’m not having a good time.” – New York Times, 2013

Kanye RE: Kanye’s creative genius

“Dog, VIBE only gave my album a 4! I know my sh*t is better than a 4. A horrible album with just ‘Jesus Walks’ on it is a 4! C’mon dog, the demo version was a 5! You need to rate it again, but you’ll have to create a new rating system.” – Vibe, April 2004

“Don’t ask me what I think the best song of last year was, because my opinion is the same as most of America’s. It was ‘Gold Digger.’” — Rolling Stone, February 2006

“There’s nothing more to be said about music. I’m the f**king end-all, be-all of music. I know what I’m doing. I did 808s in three weeks. I got it. It’s on cruise control … Man, we talked about music for God knows how long! Now let’s talk about how my f**king sweater didn’t come back right from Korea. That’s what’s interesting me.” — Details, February 2009

“I’m a creative genius and there’s no other way to word it.” – 2013

Kanye RE: being the next Steve Jobs

“I think what Kanye West is going to mean is something similar to what Steve Jobs means. I am undoubtedly, you know, Steve of Internet, downtown, fashion, culture. Period. By a long jump. I honestly feel that because Steve has passed, you know, it’s like when Biggie passed and Jay-Z was allowed to become Jay-Z.” – New York Times, 2013

Kanye RE: confidence 

“Come on now! How could you be me and want to be someone else?” — Guardian, August 2005

Kanye RE: success

“There can be a point where your records don’t sell as much, or you’re not as popular as you used to be. The best thing that any of the Backstreet Boys could have had was a really good woman in their life. I’m sure they had a lot of good p***y, but good p***y is fleeting. What’s another word for ‘good p***y’ that’s less vulgar?” — Rolling Stone, September 2007

“Really good people like me are scared of falling off. I’m totally scared of falling off. Just imagine it. Just imagine if I woke up one day and I was wack. What would I do then?” — GuardianAugust 2005

Kanye RE: celebrity

“As a celebrity, as soon as you become a star, as soon as it pops off for you? At that point, you stop growing. As soon as you don’t have to wash your own dishes any more. I was like trying to get somebody to jog for me the other day.” — Hot 97, November 2010

Kanye RE: relationships

“What I feel like — ’cause I wanna be married, of course — I feel like the type of girl I would be with is a fellow superhero. So we get that ‘already flying and now we’re just flying together’ thing.” — DetailsFebruary 2009

Kanye RE: making mistakes 

“If you read books — which I don’t, none at all — about how to become a billionaire, they always say, ‘You learn more from your mistakes.’ So if you learn from your mistakes, then I’m a fucking genius.” — Rolling Stone, September 2007

THIS!

Kanye RE: his competition

“When I think of competition it’s like I try to create against the past. I think about Michelangelo and Picasso, you know, the pyramids.” — Slate, August 2010

Kanye RE: sex (he loves it)

“I got into doing beats for the video games I used to try to make. My game was very sexual. The main character was, like, a giant penis. It was like Mario Brothers, but the ghosts were, like, vaginas. Mind you, I’m 12 years old, and this is stuff 30-year-olds are programming. You’d have to draw in and program every little step — it literally took me all night to do a step, ’cause the penis, y’know, had little feet and eyes.” — DetailsFebruary 2009

“People ask me a lot about my drive. I think it comes from, like, having a sexual addiction at a really young age. Look at the drive that people have to get sex — to dress like this and get a haircut and be in the club in the freezing cold at 3 A.M., the places they go to pick up a girl. If you can focus the energy into something valuable, put that into work ethic … ” — Details, February 2009

Kanye RE: fashion

“Brought the leather jogging pants six years ago to Fendi, and they said no. How many motherf**kers you done seen with a leather jogging pant?” – BBC, 2013

Kanye RE: the Grammys 

“I don’t know if this is statistically right, but I’m assuming I have the most Grammys of anyone my age, but I haven’t won one against a white person.” – New York Times, 2013

And finally…

Kanye RE: his legacy

“I realize that my place and position in history is that I will go down as the voice of this generation, of this decade. I will be the loudest voice.” – 2008

Oh Kanye. On behalf of the world I beg you: please, don’t EVER stop giving interviews.

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