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Apple buys Beats By Dre, but where is Detox?

May 9th, 2014

beats dre

In money-you-will-never-have news, Apple is set to buy Beats by Dre for $3.2 billion dollars. That comes out to about 10 pairs of Beats headphones. *rim shot* Dr. Dre seems to be pretty stoked about it and so does his boy Tyrese. But what people really want to know, we guess, is what this means for Dre’s long awaited album, Detox. The realist in us says, “Give it up,” but the optimist says, “But guys! He said! And I want!” We broke down what this sale could do for Detox in a handy chart.

FOR DETOX’S RELEASE

Dre will now have a lot of time on his hands without a company to run.

He has money to pay 2 Pac and Biggie to come out of hiding for the album.

He now has the money to pay off anyone who has anything negative to say about the album.

He is now a default member of the Illuminati.

AGAINST DETOX’S RELEASE

All the money will free him up to help with his son’s budding rap career.

After buying Tom Brady’s old mansion, he will be busy designing the landscape on his giant property. #WeedWackin’

He is now a default member of the Illuminati.

HE HAS SO MUCH MONEY! NEVER WORK AGAIN!

By Jessica Ford

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