Pussycat Dolls Present: Girlicious [Episode 1]
February 20, 2008
[This post is inspired by Rich at FourFour, our spark plug for all things amazing]
Hey, rapping sensation Lil Kim, the Pussycat Dolls show is back for a second season! What do you think of that?
I knew you'd be excited!
Robin Antin just wants you to know that she is the brains behind the operation that is PCD, and since imitation is the greatest form of mockery (I mean, flattery), what better way to make a few more bucks than create another girl group called Girlicious? So many other better ways! Oh, Robin. Prepare to tank.
Robin tells us that she's going to take three girls from "obscurity to international fame", and that "Girlicious is what every girl will aspire to be". Every budding young trollop, sure. The winning trio will possess "good vocals, dancing ability, and superstar charisma". Host Mark McGrath explains that a national search concluded with 15 finalists, who've all come to Hollywood to show their stuff (read: implants & asses) to a panel of judges.
Asia, is that you? It's too late, your time is gone. Not Asia? Sorry, my mistake.
We meet the finalists, and apparently awkward name spellings were a prerequisite. Nichole, Tiffanie, Charlye (pronounced "Charlie") and Chrystina make my spell checker bleed.
Here's Carrie. She's 25 and she "reeeeallllly loves to party!"
She's kind of like the Mom in Mean Girls, grasping at her youth with every claw and making sure the young'uns know how jiggy she is. I'm not saying 25 is old, I'm saying that Carrie looks 40.
Here's Keshia. This is her "I'm a lesbian, you guys!" face:
Next, we learn about Charlye, whose father died of leukemia. But things can't get too depressing on the Girlicious show: cue the vaginal tattoos!
"My name is Cassandra and I have a tattoo of cherries on my hoo ha." Cut to shot of Keshia looking very interested. By the way, "my name is Cassandra and I have a tattoo of cherries on my hoo ha" is the new "my name is Cassandra, nice to meet you."
This is where we meet Charlotte:
She is "so much more mature than a lot of these girls" and is just horrified about hoo ha cherries. Also, she's lived on five continents and as such, "can relate to everybody".
The girls are divided into 5 groups of 3, and each batch must perform a "classic" girl group song (2 of which are PCD tunes, natch). This is when our first dose of real drama hits the fan: the meeting of Charlotte and Natalie.
At first, Natalie thinks that Charlotte is her biggest competition, cause they both have Latin looks. Soon, Natalie just thinks Charlotte is annoying, because her father was a Diplomat and she lived all over the world and she studied at Berkeley (on a scholarship) and she plays three instruments. Of course, she could also be jealous.
Chelsea, is that you? No? My bad.
That's Jenna, who like Chelsea, also struggles with her weight and can't dance. She also can't sing like Chelsea, but we'll save that for another day. Jenna starts to feel sick during practice and takes a break to lay down. Her group mates are like, "eh, whateva". Carrie, meanwhile, is also having problems with her dance moves, which frustrates choreographer Mikey to no end. He sighs, "Her look is so tragic, I can't even begin to talk about it." Back at drama camp, tension builds between Charlotte and Natalie. Nat, the good dancer, doesn't have patience for Charlotte, the slow learner. Mikey asks if she's upset. "No, I just wish we could learn more ... Some people are just slower learners than others," says Natalie the Passive Aggressive Wonder.
Sidenote: Kenn Hicks the vocal coach is a supreme master of sass, and I wish to see more of him.
After practice, Robin tells the girls that they're going to an exclusive Interscope party at the Tom Tom Club - but they only have 15 minutes to get ready. *shriek!*
The beefing continues when Charlotte asks to borrow a pair of Natalie's boots. Natalie, of COURSE, says no. An argument ensues. "Nobody said, 'hey Natalie, pack boots for Charlotte,' they said, 'pack boots for Natalie.'" Thank you, Captain Obvious. The girls proceed to trash talk each other in separate cars; others are annoyed. By the by, did you notice that when driving to the club it was broad daylight, but when arriving at the club it was night time?
When Robin said "exclusive party", what she meant was "nobody else will be there". But then Nelly Furtads shows up for some KARAOKE, woo! Carrie is super excited, cause "They used to call me Carrie-oke".
GET IT?!
After drawing songs out of a hat, half of them perform Sugar Ray's "Fly" and the other half sing Nelly's "I'm Like A Bird". Natalie is "really nervous because Nelly Furtado is there". Really? We didn't get that. Charlotte scoffs at Natalie's performance, calling her "tone deaf". Meanwhile, Nelly's having an AWESOME TIME:
After the club, Jenna confesses to a producer that she's not feeling so hot, and they call 911. At the hospital, she's diagnosed with a ruptured cyst and told to take it easy. The next day, she rolls into rehearsal on a wheelchair, shocking Robin and Mikey. "Can you dance in your wheelchair?" asks Robin.
Bust it, girl.
I love how Jamie is like, "What if Jenna doesn't get the dance steps right because she's in a wheelchair, you know, and she just brings our whole group down?" Jamie = the essence of compassion. Later, Jenna loses the wheelchair and practices the way nature intended her to practice: mediocre-ly!
The next day, the 5 groups vamp it up for the judges Robin Antin, Chairman of Geffen Records Ron Fair and of course, Lil Kim. The groups, if you please:
* Tiffanie, Alexis, Megan ("Tainted Love" - as performed by PCD)
* Keisha, Ilisa, Carrie ("My Lovin'" - as performed by En Vogue)
* Jenna, Charlye, Jamie ("Where Did Our Love Go" - as performed by the Supremes)
* Nichole, Cassandra, Chrystina ("Right Now" - as performed by PCD)
* Charlotte, Natalie, Kristin ("We Got The Beat" - as performed by the Go Gos)
All the groups manage to turn it out ok, with the stand-outs being girls we have barely met thanks to Charlotte and Natalie. The judges say that Alexis (who?) has star power and they love Ilisa's (the red head above)look.
In the end, it comes down to Charlotte, Natalie, Kristin, Keshia, Ilisa and Carrie. Ilisa is SAFE. And then.. Natalie is SAFE. And with pretty Charlotte and endearing lesbian Keshia left on the plate, they choose to save... CARRIE?!
Carrie, in her cheesy lounge waitress get-up? Carrie, with her Atlantic City lip-liner?! CARRIE-OKE??! Ok, fine. The girl can sing. But colour me shocked.
AND HOLD UP - is this Natalie in TEARS after her mortal enemy was eliminated?! Or just the powers of editing?
So there it is .. 12 girls remain - next week, they move into their new digs and WHEN ARE THE MAKEOVERS? Carrie-oke needs some help.
Coming up: Everybody hates Natalie. Imagine that!
Comments
oohhh....a ruptured cyst, those are not wheelchair worthy.
Posted by: rylee at February 20, 2008 04:38 PM
hmmm.......
Posted by: Brooke at February 20, 2008 08:07 PM
hahaha, this article is hilar.
Charlotte shouldn't have gotten eliminated, she is the pure essence of dramatic entertainment. Who cares if she can't sing, or dance...the girl has is pure drama. Plain and simple.
Posted by: lavinnie at February 20, 2008 09:36 PM
i hope nataly goes home. i cant believe she didnt let charlotte use her boots
Posted by: keshia at February 20, 2008 11:40 PM
A few of them have promising careers as strippers
Posted by: Senester ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://blog.muchmusic.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at February 21, 2008 12:48 AM
well, I can't stand natalie. she has a bad attitude and think she is better then everyone.... which she def isn't. she should get ELIMINATED!
Posted by: agnes at February 21, 2008 12:59 AM
if you honestly think "right now" and "tainted love" are pcd songs, baby jesus will cry tears of blood.
Posted by: may at February 21, 2008 09:22 AM
Kenn Hicks looks SERIOUSLY unimpressed in that pic.
Posted by: kat at February 21, 2008 09:34 AM
May: Hellllllllllllls no. They were "as performed by PCD". Maybe I should re-word that.
Posted by: wendy at February 21, 2008 10:10 AM
I hope Natalie doesn't go! While I do think that she's a cruel b!tch in major need of an attitude adjustment, I think she's a great performer. I think eventually she needs to realize though, that the point of this show it to make a group with three girls that essentially get along with each other. I'm just waiting to see when she realizes that.
Posted by: milkymee at February 21, 2008 01:46 PM
Did anyone else think that Charlotte looked like Hayden Pennetierre (i'm pretty sure I spelt that wrong, but it's the cheerleader from Heroes) but Spanish?
Posted by: barbara at February 22, 2008 04:34 PM
Was the first episode the one they're describing in the article? I didnt wanna miss any of them. Sounds so gay.. but I kinda get inspired when I see hot girls (Im not a LESBIAN! I swear LoL) But it makes me wanna be more! This show can be semi-inspiring. (When Im not watching it with my boyfriend!!)
Posted by: Vanessa at February 24, 2008 04:27 PM
Personally i love watching this show, its highly entertaining. But think that most of the "finalists" have no talent and are quite ugly. I think that charlette should have not been kicked off, she has better singing abilitly then some of the other girls. And i agree that most of these girls would make good strippers.
Posted by: Brittany at February 27, 2008 01:06 AM
If Natalie goes home, I'mma be hella pissed. She /is/ drama. And god knows this show would be boring without it.
I didn't like Charlotte. She can "relate to everyone" my ass. Why the hell didn't she pack her own damn boots anyway? Lmfao.
I do like Jenna, though. I was glad she was okay.
Carrie /does/ look forty. Omfg, haha! I don't know why the hell they decided to keep her.
Posted by: Ash at February 27, 2008 02:27 AM
jamie is my favourite she can sing,dace and she is very pretty i really hope shemakes it in to girlicious she has everything they are looking for good luck
Posted by: jillian at March 5, 2008 08:48 PM
Carie looked DEAD at the auditions
Posted by: Olivia at March 15, 2008 09:33 PM
YO BITCHES!You know that charlotte is a bitch just like you people who hate jamie out there?
Posted by: OCgirl1 at March 26, 2008 05:26 PM
first off i hope natalie gets the boot soon cause she aint no beauty or talent. all she has going for her r a set of boobs. she got buck teeth and big ass ears.
Posted by: kaos at March 26, 2008 06:54 PM
kaos, you are sooo right!
and by the way, those set of boobs are probably fake. (theres a 99% chance they're fake)
If Natalie didnt have those boobs she wouldnt be here.
The best stripper would probably be Cassandra, cause she doesnt mind flashing her junk at people she just met. *cough* *cough* whore...
Posted by: Sandy at March 27, 2008 03:51 PM
Wendy WTF?!?!?! what do u mean Chelsea can't sing lol? she was the best singer out of anyone from the search for the next doll to girlicious.
Posted by: Ingrid at April 10, 2008 01:30 PM
Ingrid! Lol, I said Jenna can't sing! I loved Chelsea. And then Jenna proved later that she COULD sing too... but not as good as Chelsea! :-)
Posted by: wendy at April 10, 2008 01:35 PM
