Besmirching

May 11th, 2004

I have been slandered - my good name besmirched. I think besmirching has something to do with tree bark or kissing.? Either way, it’s a good word to use to communicate my utter disbelief and seething anger.? Why am I angry, you ask?? I’ll tell you.

It all comes down to Fetus and Manny being reckless, as everything does in this world.

So this is what happened.? Me and Fetus were chatting one day, possibly about the stock market, or about yachts.? And then Fetus starts going on about this ridiculous fantasy life that he’d invented for me - which I won’t repeat here. You can get the gist of it by reading Fetus’ blog entry below.

Anyway, I tried denying it, thusly: “Fetus, that’s not true.” You’d think that would do it - that he’d quit being a jerkface.? But no - his reply was a smirk. And then he narrowed his eyes. And then he threw his head back and?cackled evilly.?And then he beetled off to spread the word to his cronies.? It was from this altercation that the nickname ‘Mittens’ sprang.

I hate the name.??I only answer to it because everyone here refuses to call me anything else - and the alternative ‘Kitten Paws’ isn’t any better.? Why can’t people call me by my real name: George Wexford Smythe III?? Is that too much to ask?

And there’s more to this sordid tale.

The other night it was Manny’s birthday - true story.? I couldn’t make it to the party and late in the evening I retired to my sleeping chambers for some rest.? I was snoozing peacefully when I heard my cell phone ring.? Right now I have Jay-Z’s Big Pimpin as my ringtone, so I love it when I get a call, except when it’s at 5am.?

Who was on the line?? You’ve probably guessed it - the Camera Monkeys, three sheets to the wind and raisin’ a ruckus.? Don’t get me wrong - raising my Danger Factor is something I’ve been working on, but early-morning wake-up calls won’t do anything except disrupt the regeneration of vital cells and organs.? So please don’t ever call me again Fetus, Manny, Andy and whoever else was there, unless it’s to invite me to another party.

I also don’t like hugs.? Please keep your distance if you happen to see me.? I know karate.

Posted on Tuesday, May 11th, 2004 at 3:07 pm by Justin and is filed under Blog.

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