Our new fave song
Prepare to cry
NO NO NO
July 24th, 2014
So, who picked the year 2014 in the Jay Z/Beyoncé divorce pool?
Don’t panic, people; nothing has happened yet. But if you’re to believe The New York Post, the most blessed union in music and, really, the entire celebrity universe is about to blow up any day now.
Or more specifically, as soon as their sold-out On The Run tour ends in September.
The once-untouchable power couple currently finds themselves in the very unfamiliar and uncomfortable position of being tabloid and gossip blog darlings. This is the same couple who dated for years before ever actually admitting it. The same couple who got married in 2008, yet never sold a single picture of the event to the media.
In other words, they’ve been the anti-Kimye in every way.
Beyoncé is probably the most image-conscious celebrity in the world, one who almost never lets us see her as anything less than flawless. When she finally did begin to lift the veil and let us into her world, and it all started with her 2013 documentary Life Is But a Dream, we devoured every little detail.
But maybe that’s also when it all started to slowly go downhill. Just ask Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck, aka BENNIFER, what happens when you let the world see too much of your personal life. The world is only going to want more. It’ll jump on any little mistake you make. And the media might just start making stuff up to sell newspapers and magazines.
And of course that now-infamous surveillance video of Solange attempting to kick the sh*t out of her bro-in-law definitely didn’t help matters. That’s really when the Bey-Z marriage death watch began, since A) why would Solange ever be THAT pissed off at Jay?, and B) why would Beyoncé just stand there while her sister karate-kicked her husband?
For their part, Jay Z and Beyoncé respond by posting pics like this on Instagram:
See? They’re a happy family with their daughter Blue Ivy. Nothing to see here folks.
The always-reliable “anonymous sources” claim that only “divine intervention” can save the troubled marriage. Tabloids speculate a divorce battle could be worth a cool $1 BILLION DOLLARS. As for the effect a Jay Z/ Beyoncé divorce could have on celebrity culture, we don’t think it’s a stretch to say it would be apocalyptic.
Think about it. Two HUGE superstars, who are completely on the same level when it comes to success, fame, power and influence. There’s really no other couple like them in the celebrity universe, and the only one who can maybe come close is Brangelina. But not even Brangelina have the mystique of the Carters.
We don’t want to see the end of Jay & Bey. We can’t even remember what life was like before they got together, that’s how deeply they’ve captured our imaginations. Honestly, we would be shocked and heartbroken if they broke up but you know what they say: where there’s smoke, there’s fire.Tweet