51st Grammy Awards: Live Recap!

February 8th, 2009

Oh, Grammys. I want to quit you, but I can’t pull my eyes away…. no, that’s a lie. I’m already paying more attention to Twitter, but I digress. Are you watching? Thoughts as the show progresses, after the jump.

8:00 – U2 kicks off the show. I know they’ve successfully maintained some sort of relevance but I’m gonna say it out loud: I don’t care. I’m sorry, everyone – you may kick me off the island if you so desire.
8:04 – Aw helllls to the NO! Whitney! Looks good, but I can still see the crazy in her eyes. Maybe it’s the dilated pupils.
8:06 - J-Huds wins Best R&B Album. Get it, gurl.
8:08 – The Rock?! What?! Whatever, he’s hot.
8:11 – Timberlake is introducing Al Green, who’s replacing Rihanna’s performance tonight. Justin’s trying his hand at stand-up comedy. Charming, but no John Mayer.
8:13 – JT joins Al on stage for “Let’s Stay Together”. Pretty good for a last minute ad to the show. Keith Urban comes out to play guitar. Boyz II Men on back-up singer duty. More mish-mash than my leftovers dinner tonight.
8:21 – Coldplay … well, Chris Martin on a keyboard singing “Lost”. Pretty, though. JAY-Z WHAT THE EFF?
8:24 – There’s the other guys; time for some “Viva La Vida” and signature Chris Martin moves.
8:27 – Keith Urban is back to intro Carrie Underwood, who’s bringing sass and an interesting stable boy meets mistress in distress get up to the stage. HAI, she can rock a live vocal, too. Yowza.
8:32 – Sheryl Crow doing… something. I stopped paying attention. Oh, country album. *Still not paying attention*
8:35 – O NICE, “American Boy” performance coming up!
8:41 – Who’s this blonde lady presenting Song of the Year with Al Green? Oh, Duffy. Good to know I work at a music station.
8:43 – Coldplay wins for “Viva La Vida”, band man who is not Chris Martin apologizes to Paul McCartney for copping the Sgt Pepper style.
8:43 – Kid Rock. Some kind of preacher-y song, I’m tuning out. Wow, I am not the person for this job! Oh, here comes “All Summer Long”, which I had already decided that I wanted to hear All Never Again. No, you know what? I gotta give props to Kid, you know? #stopnegativitywendy
8:53 – Is it weird that my ovaries are kind of touched by this Taylor Swift/Miley Cyrus duet? Oh my god I am so creepy. Miley says “my best friend Taylor here wrote this song ["Fifteen"].” They’re best friends? Jeez Miley, I can’t keep your besties straight. Leslie? Mandy? Taylor?
8:57 – Robert Plant and someone… Alison Krauss win for Best Pop Collabo. Oh, hello Grammys being boring like you’re supposed to. Also, the mic is too tall for Bobby.
9:00 – J-Huds performing. She looks and sounds gorgeous. This must be so hard and at the same time so meaningful for her.
9:09 – What’s going on now? Oh, Jonas Brothers. With.. STEVIE WONDER???
9:12 – Oh sick, they launch into “Superstition”. Actually quite good – am I crazy?
9:15 – Coldplay just won something. Twittering and doing this at the same time is too much for my three arms. Oh, Best Rock Album. Woulda been sweet to see Kings of Leon win, but the Grammys just aren’t rock and/or roll enough…
9:17 – Commercials. Eva Longoria must immediately stop saying “carmel” like that.
9:22 – Craig Ferguson. “Years ago if you told me I’d be up on stage at the Grammys, I wouldn’t have believed you. I’d also have thrown up on your shoes and stabbed you.” Mahaha.
9:23 – Katy “Chiquita” Perry looks pin-up girl hot. Sangin “I Kissed A Girl”. Props for going against the grain and wearing flats.
9:27 – Hey Grammy announcer, maybe mention Estelle in that “please welcome Kanye West” intro. After all, this is her song. OH MY GOD KANYE, THE HAIR. Your Jackson 5 vibe is questionable. But at the same time, weirdly fly. I don’t get it.
9:28 – I love this song – but the performance is lacking something. Just doesn’t have the right oomph, you know. Needs a live band or something. Now they’re presenting Best New Artist..
9:30 – Adele wins Best New Artist. I’m charmed. Lol at her “I love you, Jo Bros” girly face.
Random thought: Did a fan come out to perform with Katy Perry? I totally missed it if they did.
9:36 – Morgan Freeman presenting. He should just narrate the whole show. Intros… Kenny Chesney?
9:41 -Time for Record of the Year. Haha. Adele realizes she’s caught on camera chewing gum, promptly stops. Oh, go M.I.A.!! WHAT THE EFF, Robert Plant and Alison Krauss AGAIN??!?! Grammys, you gigantic son of a B.
9:48 – Queen Lateef on stage, somebody tell me her skin regimen immediately. She’s glowing. Ooooooo, hotness – “SWAGGA LIKE US”!!! *author rap bias* M.I.A.!!! She is the very definition of coolness and cuteness. She’s about to pop.
9:50 – Kanye, T.I., Jay-Z, M.I.A. Be right back, drooling and dying. Now here comes Weezy! Chris Martin applauding, he can’t handle their steez.
9:55 – I have to pull myself together for McCartney and Grohl. Oh, ill!!!! “I Saw Her Standing There”.
10:06 – Best Male Pop Vocal goes to John Mayer’s “Say”. The academy has such a boner for this dude.
10:07 – LL and Jay Mohr introduce … what the hull… Sugarland? And also Adele. And also who is Sugarland. Fine, I’ll google it.
10:13 – T.I.’s coming back for another performance? This is a very good day. Random thought: 75% of women I know find him attractive. Guess he just has that thing.
10:18 – Gwyneth Paltrow is here too. Waiting for audience cut-away of Chris Martin. SATIATE MY NEEDS! Ooooo, Radiohead!! With a marching band!!
10:21 – Thom Yorke is so f**king COOL.
10:27 – Dear Grammys: Time to be over.
10:28 – Samuel L Jackson! His speeches deserve to be in ALL CAPS.
10:29 – T.I. and Justin Timberlake. Not the best performance track, but the dreamboat factor makes up for it. Symphony sounds good. Time for more staring at my TV and less at my computer. Please excuse me.
10:33 – Oh god, the recording academy speech. New rule: keep to 0 seconds in the future.
10:38 – Jamie Foxx and Ne-Yo doing The Four Tops’ “Reach Out I’ll Be There” with remaining members and Smokey Robinson. Ish got soul. Now “Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch”!
10:47 – Neil Diamond. “Sweet Caroline”, Nice!! BA BA BAAAA!
10:49 – Love Paul McCartney having the time of his life in the front row. He’s all, THIS IS MA JAM!
11:02 – Gary Sinise? Huh? Introduces Lil Wayne, HA.
11:03 – Performing his song about Hurricane Katrina with Robyn Thicke (“Tie My Hands”). Sounds great.
11:09 – will.i.am and T-Pain presenting Best Rap Album – I love them all. Who’ll win??? Weezy? YUP.
11:11 – Wow. Quick, succinct speech. Someone’s had some serious media training.
11:18 – Ok, fine, this Robert Plant isn’t so bad. But still. No excuse for all that winning.
11:22 – Green Day on stage to give Album of the Year… I’m calling Coldplay, what with all the earlier Coldplay love.
11:23 – Robert Plant and Alison Kraus?! GRAMMY STOP. STOP STOP. Pay attention to the world. Three minutes of speech. The end of this show is killing my buzz.
11:27 – Stevie Wonder closes the show. Ohmygodthankeffit’sover.