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Bring on the LOLZ
February 13th, 2012
Blair has been released from her stone tower of a honeymoon and has returned to the Upper East Side, Louis-free. But just because her new groom isn’t in tow doesn’t mean that he won’t be keeping an eye on
Find out what happened on tonight’s episode of Gossip Girl after the jump!
That brings us to Estee, Blair’s new social secretary who has been hired by Louis to join Blair on all outings…and read her mail and do nightly bed checks. No biggy.
Rufus has invited a Cartier sales rep to throw up diamonds all over his apartment so that he can pick something out for Lily without having to actually do the work of leaving his couch. I don’t think he understands online shopping.
Dan drops in to collect DVDs he lent Lily in hopes that lending them to the newly returned Blair will be enough of a reunion to make Blair fall in love with him. Dan denies that these are his intentions, but Rufus and I are on to him.
It’s the first time Serena and Blair have seen one another since the Gossip Girl video blast blow up over Blair’s wedding and Serena comes clean that she didn’t send the video. Blair is hoping that Serena will forgive her for running off with Dan and right on cue, lonely boy walks through the Waldorfs door. Both Serena and Dan admit to Blair that they haven’t had a good Valentines Day since they were dating one another in high school. Blair, back and bored, decides that her new mission of the day will be to reunite her two best friends. Because that never gets messy.
Serena is off to meet a 60 year-old virgin that she is interviewing for her Valentines Day blog and Dan is heading out to meet his editor, Alessandra. But both parties find they’ve been stood up and at the same restaurant. What a coincidence!
Cut to Blair and Dorota in over-the-top spy outfits and the blanks begin to fill in. Dan and Serena do seem to have a romantic lunch, but they soon realize that they’re the only couple in the restaurant getting free champagne and desserts and they quickly realize that this plan has Queen B written all over it. Or is that Princess B?
Maybe Blair should direct her attention towards helping her ol’ buddy Nate on Valentines Day.
Nate tries calling Lola, but she hangs up on him after reminding Nate that she never gave him her number.
Alrighty then. Nate’s assistant, who has been lurking around for most of the season, along with a few doorman, have teamed up with Georgina aka the new Gossip Girl. Nate’s assistant reports on his lack of V Day plans and Georgina, who we find out is married to Philip (did we know that?) posts a blast saying that Nate is having a come-as-you-are party at the Spectator, high school theme and all.
Nate finds out and before he can cancel the party he didn’t plan, his helpful assistant points out that he can use the party as an excuse to hire Lola and spend the night with her. Nate likes the idea, but Lola doesn’t. She’s told her boss that she won’t work any Spectator parties. Dang. Gurlfriend really, really doesn’t like Nate. Down in the dumps, Nate complains to Chuck who offers the Empire as the party local and even calls Lola’s boss to confirm that his company will cater the event.
With the information that Dan sent the video of Blair confessing her love for Chuck into Gossip Girl, Georgina blackmails Dan and tells him to make sure Blair is at Chuck’s party. Dan tells Blair that he does want to be set up with Serena as long as Blair comes with them to the party. Blair agrees, but with Estee in tow she can only stay for a few minutes before heading off to a fundraiser event. I don’t think it’s the kind where you walk for five kilometers and get a free t-shirt.
In addition to reporting on their bosses, Georgina’s crack team of spies also gives her apartment information, such as ‘Charlotte Rhodes is back at the Humphries’. Charlie makes her return to the Upper East Side and finds Rufus home and Lily away at a lunch. Charlie looks distressed and wants desperately to speak with Lily before leaving for Europe. I wonder if she used Priceline. Rufus heads out to set things up for his romantic evening in a suite at Empire with Lily and lets Charlie wait in the apartment, but not before letting Blair’s little dowry issue slip. You’re a vault, Rufus.
Lily never shows, but Georgina does and reminds Charlie that she knows Charlie is a fake. Georgina won’t leave without any gossip, so Charlie tells Georgina about Blair’s pre-nup predicament that prohibits her from leaving Louis with bankrupting her family. Good job me on the alliteration in that sentence.
Georgina sends Philip to gather Blair’s divorce documents, which he seems to have no trouble accessing. Odd. The conniving couple (sorry, I’m done) read the details of Blair’s pre-nup, igniting the evil flame inside of Georgina who is ecstatic over the thought of breaking up Blair’s marriage and ruining her family. Lovely.
Blair, Serena and Estee head to the party at the Empire, but not without having an uncomfortable run in with Chuck.
What are the odds? It’s not like he owns the ENTIRE building.
The party is rocking like it’s 2008 and headband attire is in full effect.
Nate finds Lola, who looks at him like something that she threw out in 2008. I feel like her hatred towards the really rich, really good-looking, really nice guy is a bit much.
Dan runs into Charlie at the party who is there to find Lily in her suite at the Empire. Dan brings Charlie over to Serena, but Charlie looks like there’s a time bomb strapped to her that will go off if she doesn’t leave the party in five minutes.
Blair calls Serena away to complete her Valentines Day Derena mission and just as Charlie is leaving the party someone else recognizes her. That someone is the real Charlotte Rhodes.
The two old theatre buddies catch up and Charlie/Ivy pretends to not remember Lola’s mom Carol.
Charlie finally bolts and Nate confronts Lola that she can’t think he’s that bad if she’s friends with an Upper East Sider. Lola tells Nate that Ivy is from Florida and Nate explains that Charlie used the fake name Ivy Dickens to escape her mother. The pieces are starting to fall into place for Lola. Nate finished the conversation by saying that he can’t believe how similar the two women look. Duh.
Charlie never does find Lily, but she also doesn’t find herself on a plane to Europe. Instead, she takes the Hampton Jitney (it IS 2008) to the Van Der Woodsen house. Apparently Charlie has been staying with Cece who is extremely sick. This brings us back to Cece fainting earlier this season and only Charlie knowing that she’s really sick. But does Cece know that Charlie is really Ivy?
Georgina is sending Dan texts as Gossip Girl and trying to convince him to make a move with Blair, hoping that with her evidence an affair with Dan will break up Blair’s marriage to Louis. Dan texts Gossip Girl back, but when he follows the texting alert noise he finds Georgina in Chuck’s room. Dan threatens to out Georgina as Gossip Girl and Georgina threatens to out Dan and the video sender. So I guess we’re at a stalemate.
When Blair finds Dan she accuses him of not trying hard enough to get back with Serena. Blair tells Dan to be the wonderful man he’s been with her all year and Serena won’t be able to resist him. Blair asks Dan what would make him happy and he answers her with a kiss. She totally kisses him back!
And then Georgina and Serena totally catch them and Georgina snaps a picture. Not to be all 2008 but Serena totally slept with Nate when he was dating Blair. There, I said it. Dan runs after Georgina in an attempt to delete the picture and Serena accuses Blair of kissing Dan to hurt Serena. These two are fighting? I was not missing this part of 2008 and do not care to see it return.
When Dan catches up with Georgina he threatens again to out to her blogger status, but Georgina threatens Dan with information on Blair’s dowry and tells him not to mess with her. But that doesn’t mean she won’t mess with Chuck, who she flashes the kiss picture to as she leaves the Empire. That’s cold.
Earlier that night, Dan’s book editor Alessandra (not so) drunkenly threw herself at Chuck, who rejected her advances.
After seeing the picture, Chuck decides to take Alessandra up on her offer in hopes to get damaging information on Dan. Now this is going to be one scary war.
Estee has decided that it’s time for Blair to move on to her next engagement, but before she leaves, Dan finds her outside and confronts her about the dowry. Blair assures Dan that any feelings he thinks she has for him as more than a friend are in his head.
To add one more complicated relationship to the Gossip Girl world, Estee returns Blair to her apartment and stares longing at a picture of Louis. I’m assuming this means Estee will be hard at work to make Blair look bad in hopes that Louis will divorce her. Is this good? Or will Blair’s mother lose the dowry money?
And of course the highlight of the show was an amazing performance from St. Vincent! I really need to hang out on the Upper East Side more.
Episode 14: The Back Up Dan
Episode 13: G.G.
Episode 12: Father and the Bride
Episode 11: The End of The Affair?
Episode 10: Riding In Town Cars With Boys
Episode 9: Rhodes to Perdition
Episode 8: All The Pretty Sources
Episode 7: The Big Sleep No More
Episode 6: I Am Number Nine
Episode 5: The Fasting And The Furious
Episode 4: Memoirs Of An Invisible Dan
Episode 3: The Jewel of Denial
Episode 2: Beauty And The Feast
Episode 1: Yes, Then Zero
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