Bring on the LOLZ
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April 23rd, 2012
Tonight’s episode of Gossip Girl may be called Despicable B, but the real despicable award of the night goes to Lily Van Der Woodsen, who is proving that she will stop at nothing to get what she wants. Serena and her mother aren’t the only ones with family drama on the Upper East Side as Nate helps Chuck get closer to finding out the real identity of his parents.
Dan is rated as What’s Hot in the New Yorker for announcing the release of his second novel, while Blair comes in at the bottom of the list for being married less time that Kim Kardashian. In typical Blair fashion, she takes this news way too far and decides that she needs to do something drastic to show she’s high brow. Isn’t high brow the opposite of drastic?
In an attempt to be high brow, Blair invites a fashion magazine to photograph her accessories. Nothing says ‘deep thinker’ like $600 shoes. The Editor tells Blair that if she was still a princess he would consider her pitch, but not now. Dan gets back from meeting with his publishers and tells Blair that he’s been nominated for a young author award and they’re both invited to a reception that night for all the nominees. Feeling her brow slipping even lower, Blair gives an unconvincing performance and says that she’s proud of Dan and would love to be his date.
Though Dan told Blair the event was casual, she raids her prom dress closet and goes with the them ‘over the top’ to the cocktail reception. Once there, Blair is distraught to see that everyone wants to talk to Dan. You know, the guy that’s nominated for the award.
When it’s time for Dan to give his nominee speech (are nominee speeches a real thing?) Blair pushes past him on the podium and thanks everyone for supporting her since she was the muse for Dan’s book, Inside. How about, I’d like to crawl Inside that podium and not have to watch this train wreck.
Dan is upset with Blair for stealing his moment, but not nearly as upset as I thought he would be. I guess he’s taken into consideration her five seasons of terrible behaviour and sees this as a step up. At least she didn’t make anyone cry.
Blair finds Dan at his place in Brooklyn and apologizes for acting out during his big night. Blair explains that she’s always felt like she stood behind Chuck and Louis and wants to be seen as an equal partner. Dan tells Blair to stop worrying about how other people see her and just concentrate on how she sees herself. And while she’s at it, can she see herself with a better hairstyle? Seriously, what is going on with her hair this season? SMH.
Lily and Serena were successful in pleading their case against Ivy to a judge and having Cece’s will thrown out of court with her assets now being split between Lily and Carol. Ivy accuses Lily of paying off Cece’s nurse to say negative things against her and I wouldn’t put it past Lily. She’s got the money and she’s getting progressively more evil with each episode.
The Van Der Woodsen women are greeted outside of the courthouse by the media, who in addition to asking about the will also ask Lily whether she’s separated from Rufus, shocking Serena. That’s one way to find out your parents are separating.
Back at the apartment, Lily admits to Serena that Rufus has moved out, but she’s more worried about all the news outlets reporting on her fight in court with Ivy and not her relationship with her husband. Those Upper East Siders – always keeping things in perspective. Lily suggests that they invite the media and their family to a dinner. Wow.
Now that Nate has broken up with Lola, Diana is ready to restart their relationship, but Nate can’t stop thinking about his best friend when he sees Diana. That’s a bit of mood killer.
Chuck overhears Nate talking to Diana and the two men can’t decide who the situation is more awkward for with Ms. Payne. I’m leaning towards Chuck on this one. Nate is hoping he can find someone to buy Diana out of The Spectator so that he can distance himself from his ex and best friend’s mom, but Chuck isn’t ready to anger his new mom just yet.
Nate called Chuck’s PI Andrew to help him find out where Diana’s money for The Spectator is coming from since last time around she was using Nate’s grandfather’s cashola. Andrew found an Australian bank account under the name Jack Bass, which is supplying Diana the funds. Innnnnteresting. Nate asks Andrew to find out everything he can about Diana Payne.
Serena asks her father to come to dinner that night, but William tells her he’s out of town. Serena soon finds out that he’s a big old liar who is in town when she hangs up the phone and spots William and Lola together in a restaurant. On the other side of the glass, William is coming clean to Lola about being her father. Seems like a brunch topic.
Serena confronts her father outside the restaurant and William says that he’s just trying to be there for his niece, Lola. William says that he lied about the dinner because he heard Lily and Rufus were having problems and didn’t want to get in the middle of anything. William agrees to go to the dinner that night and Serena says she’ll invite her cousin Lola as well.
Lola visits Nate in his office and says that she has a new understanding for how Chuck must have felt when he found out Diana was his mother. Lola needs to speak with a friend, but talking to her made Nate realize something about Jack and tells Lola he’ll speak with her later.
After being spotted at the office by Gossip Girl, Serena stops by The Spectator to invite Lola to her dinner party, but Nate informs her that she just missed Lola and that Lola spent the morning with her father. Seriously? Seriously? Nate’s sole role on Gossip Girl is to tell people’s secrets and keep the plot moving. That’s it. When did this happen? How did this happen?
Lily takes her evilness all the way to Brooklyn to invite her husband to dinner in their apartment, but Rufus still feels like Lily doesn’t seem him as an equal partner in their relationship and won’t move back in until she treats him with more respect.
Serena runs straight to her Lily’s apartment and drops the bomb about Lola’s real father. Lily thinks they need to handle present problems instead of past, which means keeping the fact that they know about William and Carol a secret.
Rufus relents and decides that he needs to try to make his marriage work, but when he calls Lily to say he’ll be joining her for dinner after all, she lies and tells him dinner was cancelled. Instead, she invites Ivy over to hatch a plan.
With Lola, Serena, William, Carol and one of New York’s biggest gossip columnist in tow, Lily is ready to put her plan into action. During dinner she spills the beans on knowing the identity of Lola’s real father and before Carol can storm out, Ivy and two police officers walk out of the bedroom, ready to arrest Carol for fraud. Ivy gave a sworn statement against Carol in exchange for her freedom from being persecuted by Lily. Now that’s cold, Lily.
William visits Carol in her holding cell and convinces Carol to sign her half of the will from Cece see received over to William while she’s in jail, promising that he’ll take care of Lola in the meantime.
When William makes the call to Lily to confirm he’s now Carol’s Power of Attorney, Lily demand that he sign Carol’s money over to her. William promises, but changes his mind after the call and schedules a private jet heading for anywhere by Manhattan.
Lily writes Ivy a cheque for one million dollars (HOLY CRAPPERS) for giving her statement against Carol, but Ivy asks for a spot in their family instead of the money. Lily tells Ivy to leave and Ivy does, ripping up the cheque on her way out. Gurl, you is cray cray. Take the money and run.
Lola visits Serena in an attempt to gain her half-sisters help in getting her mother out of jail, but Serena doesn’t want anything to do with Carol or Lola.
On her way out of Serena’s room, Lola steals a piece of paper with Gossip Girl’s password. Stealing is wrong, but Serena has been pure evil this season. Do what you must, Lola. Also, ask Serena why she wore flats in every scene of this episode. What is happening on Gossip Girl?! Up is down! Down is up! Heels are flat! Hair is limp!
Still trying to uncover Diana Payne’s back story, Nate breaks into her hotel room, only to be caught by Chuck’s mom.
Nate pretends that he was there to tell Diana that he wants to get back together and he goes all the way to convince her of this story by, you know, going all the way.
When Diana slips into the bathroom, Nate slips her day planner into his jacket and makes a run for it.
Nate’s private investigator Andrew is able to find an email for Elizabeth, who sends Nate a picture of herself pregnant. So is she really Chuck’s mother? When Chuck sees the picture he recognizes not just Elizabeth, but a tattoo on the arm of the man next to her. It’s the same tattoo that Jack has! Jack is his dad! Or Jack gave Elizabeth a hug while she was pregnant. Or he’s Jack’s dad! Who knows. I think we can safely say this is being made up as we go.
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