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Gossip Girl Ep. 4: Portrait of A Lady Alexander

November 6th, 2012

Dan finds that he still has one friend on the Upper East Side, Nate gets in over his head with The Spectator, Serena finds out that Steven’s history hits close to home, and Chuck and Blair get a big break in uncovering Bart’s secret.

Find out what happened on tonight’s brand new episode of Gossip Girl!

Dan’s new chapter in Vanity Fair is about Nate and how he’s single handily bringing down the Spectator. Naturally, Nate is upset, especially since he knows that Dan is right. He’s meeting with a banker later that day to figure out how to save to newspaper. Maybe people are nervous about dealing with a newspaper owned by a guy who sleeps with children? Just a thought.

Dan’s article not only makes Nate look like a jerk, it also tells Steven that his new girlfriend slept with his daughter’s boyfriend. Ooooo. Did Serena not mention that? Awkward. Serena tries to smooth things over with Steven and still convince him that she a) hasn’t slept with everyone on the Upper East Side (there’s still Chuck!) and b) he should still allow Sage to date Nate. Finally seeing Serena as an ally, Sage invites Serena to join her and her father at an equestrian event later that day along with Nate.
Steven agrees to let Nate join them, but he thinks that he and Serena should have ‘the talk’ and tell one another about all the people they’ve slept with so there won’t be any surprises. Worst. Idea. Ever.

Georgina is trying to stretch Dan’s new celebrity as far as possible and that means dating only Ivy League women. In true Georgina fashion, she is auditioning new girlfriends for Dan. Okay, maybe not girlfriends. But girls that Dan can sleep with a take pictures with at events.

After Steven announced that they should go through ‘the list’, Serena finds Dan at his auditions and asks whether he’s going to publish anything about her. He is, of course, but does promise to not saying anything about their sex tape. Well, at least there’s a little humanity left under that curly mop. Oh, and Serena actually let Georgina hold her purse while she talked with Dan. This is the second worst decision she’s made today after agreeing to have the talk with Steven and it isn’t even lunch time yet.

Serena and Steven go through their lists, but Serena fails to mention her latest encounter with Dan. You know, the one they made a video of and likely saved. Guuuurl.

Rufus is avoiding unpacking boxes that Lily sent him, so Ivy convinces him to let her unpack the boxes in what I can only assume is a way to let her snoop. She finds a letter Lily sent Rufus after she slept with him the night before she married Bart (the nut doesn’t fall far from the Van Der Woodsen tree) and leaks it to Gossip Girl.

With Gossip Girl aiming her sights on Lily, Bart goes to Nate to talk about The Spectator. Bart will back The Spectator as long as Nate backs fluff pieces on Lily to make her look good. Nate turns down Bart’s off, who leaves The Spectator with a final jab against Nate’s father. Knowing that Ivy has been the one leaking the stories about Lily to Gossip Girl, Nate approaches Ivy with a proposition for her to post her stories on The Spectator instead.

Blair and Chuck finally find get a clue towards uncovering Lady Alexander’s identity, which turns out to be a painting, not a person. But the painting turns out to be of a horse. Kinky Bart. Blair thinks that if they find the horse, they’ll find the owner. A quick google search shows that Bart owns the horse, as well as eleven other horses. They were all bought from a Sheikh in Dubai whose name Chuck doesn’t recognize. Seeming to care only about helping Chuck and not at all about the fact that she’s driving her mother’s hugely successful fashion line into the ground, Blair remembers that there is a horse show going on that weekend and decides they should crash it.

Lily goes to Chuck’s apartment to confirm that he didn’t leak a negative story about Lily and to ask him to make up with Bart. Chuck convinces Lily that he wasn’t behind the Gossip Girl blast, but he’s unable to convince her to not join them at the equestrian event.

At the event, Chuck manages to shake Lily and introduced himself to Iman, the daughter of the Sheik his father knew. Chuck attempts to get information out of Iman about his father, but her allegiance is to Bart, who she refers to as uncle. All Chuck can uncover is that his father bought the Sheikh’s horses for millions of dollars even though they were worthless.

Not ready to give up, Blair approaches Iman and tells her that Bart is a liar and that she should trust Chuck. Amazingly, it works!

Iman goes to Chuck’s apartment after her research reveals that Bart did not send her beloved horses to a farm in Virginia. Through Chuck and Iman’s discussions they realize that Bart was using the horses as a front to buy oil from Iman’s father in the Sundan, a federal crime under US law. Ah ha!

Nate arrives as the equestrian event and attempts to make peace with Steven after their first meeting at Serena’s fundraiser.

Serena runs into her mother and the two are having a nice afternoon with Sage, until they receive a blast from The Spectator letting all of Manhattan know that Lily and Steven slept together years before.

Steven denies the one night tryst, but Lily reminds him that she had a different last name then and suddenly it all comes flooding back to him. Serena, understandably grossed out, walks off, but forgives Steven about five minutes later.

Nate tries to explain that one of his writers leaked the story, not him, and Sage quickly forgives him as well. But let’s just remember that he met with Ivy about posting stories on Lily in The Spectator. So ya, he totally did it.

Back at his office, Nate meets with the banker and after ‘revising’ his numbers, showing that he deserves a loan from the bank. What Nate doesn’t know is that the banker is working for Bart. Why does Bart care so much about The Spectator? Did he already finish today’s sudoko in the New York Times? Doesn’t he have anything better to do? He also cares about Lily still caring about Chuck and tells her to choose between him and his son. Ugh. These two are the worst.

Back to devil-Dan, after insulting all of his friends he’s out of couches to sleep on. His last and final stop is the Waldorf apartment, where Blair agrees to letting her old friend stay in Serena’s room. Which is connected to her room. Which should be amazing news for Chuck.

Oh, and that sex tape that Serena finally deleted off her phone? Georgina stole it while Serena was talking to Dan and is ready to fire. I would just like to say that I think Serena is an intelligent woman, but keeping a sex tape that would do nothing but ruin your reputation on your PHONE is the worst!


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