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Hello Kitty Is A Human Being But We Have Some Questions

August 27th, 2014

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STOP THE PRESSES: HELLO KITTY IS NOT ACTUALLY A KITTY.

In an article published in the Los Angeles Times today, it was revealed that the beloved Japanese cartoon Hello Kitty is actually a human girl.

Anthropologist Christine R. Yano, who is currently putting together a retrospective in Los Angeles says that she was corrected by Sanrio, the creators of Hello Kitty: “That’s one correction Sanrio made for my script for the show. Hello Kitty is not a cat. She’s a cartoon character. She is a little girl. She is a friend. But she is not a cat. She’s never depicted on all fours. She walks and sits like a two-legged creature. She does have a pet cat of her own, however, and it’s called Charmmy Kitty.”

What. The. Actual. F–k. We’re in shock. What do you mean she’s not a cat? But seriously, upon reflecting, we came up with some pretty serious questions that we need answers for. ASAP.

1. Why is her name Hello KITTY then?
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2. Why does she have whiskers?
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3. Why does her cat Charmmy Kitty look exactly like her?

4. Which of her friends are human and which ones are animals?
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5. How is this Sanrio character a rabbit…
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6. AND HOW IS THIS HUMAN?
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7. Is this a human then?
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8. And most importantly…is Avril Lavigne secretly Hello Kitty?
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