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September 14th, 2012
I love ripping on videos you guys love! Below I’ve made some smart aleck comments on some of the videos that will be on tonight’s episode of Video On Trial. Here come’s the big advertisement – Don’t miss me on Video On Trial tonight @ 7pm ET and & 7:30pm ET.
Chris Brown, Don’t Wake Me Up
Another Chris Brown video! For a guy who treats women the way an old Italian lady would treat a dusty rug that’s hanging off her balcony, that chunk of toilet scum Chris Brown’s career is doing great! Even Rihanna is kissing him again, with the very lips he himself made look like Randy Couture’s ears! It’s official: there are no consequences for your actions in showbiz (Hunter Collins is actively pouring vinegar into the eyes of baby pandas as he writes this)!
Usher, Lemme See
I rarely get to criticize videos in written format, so let me pounce on the opportunity by writing that the babes in this Usher video make my 8==> become 8===============>. But then Rick Ross takes his shirt off and I quickly go back to 8==>. Keep Rick wet or he’ll dry out and croak! The science on the matter: http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Why_do_beached_whales_need_water_poured_over_them.
Cody Simpson, Got Me Good
Another typical video by Captain Down-Underbite Jr.: Cody Simpson. If I was into watching children sing and get fresh with each other, I’d just hang out at Trevor Boris’ place.
Adam Lambert, Never Close Our Eyes
This video will make you feel like you’re auditioning for an episode of So You Think You Can Dance: Post-Apocalypse Dystopia with a mouthful of Life Savers. And by “Life Savers” I mean “male lifeguards”. BTW, I still think Adam Lambert is straight. I paid him for … um something once and it felt rather rushed and inexperienced. Adam Lambert is that bearded guy who lives in my parking garage, right? Also goes by the name of “Mucous-Beard Pete”? Right?
The Pretty Reckless, My Medicine
Hey! Who let Avril Lavigne marinate in hot garbage? Their band name would lead you to believe that the word “reck” is a synonym for “shower”. I imagine MuchMusic is gonna edit out the female nudity from the uncensored version of this video, so here’s the best I can do it justice: (o)(o) Niiiiiiiiiiiiice. Dude, I’m killin’ it with these sexy-moticons! If anyone can come up with one for hermaphrodite genitals, tweet it to me. I imagine there will be some umlauts and accent aigus involved… @hunter_collins. Visit huntercomedy.com for stand-up dates in your hood!
Be sure to watch Video On Trial tonight at 7pm ET/ 4pm PT and at 7:30pm ET/ 4:30pm PT right here on MUCH.Tweet