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Hey, Banana Chiq here.

So listen, RE: these Banana Guards…I might seem thick-skinned but I’m actually sensitive when you peel back the layers.

You wanna talk trauma? Being smushed into a plastic log: Does that sound good to you??

Okay, I wasn’t gonna say anything about this…but when I was younger, I had another kind of trauma. It was with an ape. I don’t wanna talk about that though.

It was even worse than being stuck in the plantation office for 4 years. I couldn’t go to the gym, and my body got all mushy, and I looked skinny fat.

Just by the way - who do these jokers think they are?

And people find the Banana Guard soooooo suggestive, right? Their website even mentions the idea of a battery attachment? Well, just try ACTUALLY BEING INSIDE one. There’s a ride for you. From the depths of a bag on the subway, it’s like riding flippin’ bareback.

On a totally unrelated note. OMG! My skin has been soooooo yellow these days. (Does this ever happen to you???) Too much time in the sun beds I guess. And the toxic spray to make you darker…it’s giving me the flakes!

So like you’d expect, I’ve been peeling like crazy…and long strings of skin too. I’ve been thinking of maybe smoking them. I heard somewhere they can make you high.

Anyway, not to get you down or anything.

Keep on peelin’…
- Banana Chiq

Posted on Thursday, November 29th, 2007 at 1:10 pm by Elvis and is filed under Just For Fun.

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