Look into our crystal ball
Watch our interview
Cute dogs and raunchy puppets!
January 31st, 2010
Hey! Hey you! Are you watching the Grammys tonight? Wanna watch with me? Sweet! Let’s do this!
I’m gonna be like your very own Lionel Richie and do this all night long, baby! Who’s gonna win? Who’s gonna lose? Who’s gonna wear something that is considered a felony in most countries? Let’s see, shall we?
This is a little something I call ‘Popcorn M&M.’ It is a snack reserved for very important TV moments, ie. The Oscars, 30 Rock Season Finales, The Grammys, etc. I reserve this snack for two reasons. 1. So that it remains a ‘special’ snack, for ‘special’ events, not to be confused with a plain Jane everyday snack (I’m talking to you, Miss Vicki’s Salt and Vinegar chips!). 2. If I ate this every week, my fingers would be too chubby to type this. Here’s the recipe:
Microwave one bag of microwaveable popcorn
Once popped, empty popcorn into microwaveable bowl
Take a regular sized bag of M&M’s (vending machine size) and pour over popcorn (most will sink to the bottom, physics and stuff)
Put the bowl into the microwave and microwave the popcorn and M&M’s for 15 seconds
Eat and enjoy. The salty popcorn and sweet chocolate is divine. You’ll thank me later.
8:00 Lights! Camera! Boob slip! Action!
8:05 – Lady Gaga just did a Thriller/Toxic Avenger dance number, was set on fire, and reappeared sharing a piano with Elton John. The woman is literally on fire. Elton John and Eminem? Didn’t make sense. Elton John and Lady Gaga? Costume-perfectedness. Omigod, now they’re singing ‘Your Song.’ This is amazing!
8:10 – I was so excited when Stephen Colbert was announced as the host. Now, not so much. Is it just me, or is he kinda bombing?
8:14 – Beyonce’s ‘Single Ladies’ just won song of the year. I got to see Ricky Martin stand up behind Beyonce’s song writers and Taylor Swift dance to Single Ladies. I feel like the real winner.
8:18 – Green Day is performing with the Broadway cast from the musical based on the band’s album, American Idiot. Is anyone else shocked by how good this is? Just me? Dang. It’s good.
8:26 – Josh Duhamel and Kristen Bell are presenting Best Country Song, cuz, you know, Josh Duhamel is married to Fergie and Kristen Bell…well, I don’t know why they’re presenting an award. They gotsta movie comin’ all, y’all!
8:30 – Beyonce is performing ‘If I Were A Boy’ and lost an earring on the way to the stage. Someone’s gettin’ fired for that!
8:32 – Don’t play, Beyonce! She just went into Alanis Morissette’s ‘You Oughta Know.’ B often does this in concert. It’s unreal. I gotta go jump around my room and head bang! I’ll be back!
8:46 – K, so in all honestly, I have not liked Pink’s new album and was not looking forward to her performance. She walked out in a dress that was an exact replica of Kylie Minogue’s dress in her video for ‘Can’t Get You Outta My Head.’ I quickly forgave all that when she started singing, and then started spinning in her cirque ribbon (not sure what the name is) above the crowd. Somehow she was dipped in water and spun like a little shooting star. It sounds sappy but honestly, it was freakin’ badass. I’m back on Team Pink.
8:59 – The Black Eyed Peas Will.I.Am is obviously having a bad face day, judging by his mask. I hate when that happens, especially when I have to wear one to the office.
9:06 – Oh shizz, Joe Jonas got a hold of the ugly glasses that Justin Timberlake has been wearing. We think you’re both smart. Stop wearing those stupid things and let us enjoy your gorgeousness-es.
9:09 – Anyone else notice that the lead male in Lady Antebellum looks like Ryan Gosling? Yummy! Also, that song was killer. I likey.
9:13 – Commercial break! So, here’s my only complaint so far and I saw it coming. I was really hoping that Lady Gaga and Beyonce would perform ‘Telephone’ together. But, since both ladies are a nominated for fifty eleven Grammys, I knew they would perform separately. But, how sick would that have been? Everyone close your eyes, squeeze your bum cheeks and make fists and think really hard, and maybe we can Jedi-mind-trick the collabo into happening by the end of the show.
9:22 – Kings of Leon just won for Best Song and announced they were drunk. You’re rock stars, we get it. If you really wanna impress us, break some chairs on the way up to the stage.
9:26 – Jamie Foxx, T Pain and Slash are performing and T Pain doesn’t have a top hat on! I didn’t even know he had a head! If Slash takes off his hat I’m gonna pass out.
9:28 – Oh snap! Jamie Foxx just ended the song by apologizing to Jay Z for their use of Auto Tune. East Coast vs. West Coast is sooooo 1996. Auto Tune vs. Natural is the turf war of 2010!
9:32 – Green Day just won Best Rock Album. Did anyone else think that when Dookie came out, these dudes would be around 13 years later? It makes me happy. They seem like nice dudes.
9:50 – Now this is what I’m talking about people! Stevie Nicks and Taylor Swift are divine together. Divine! Awesome re-working of ‘You Belong to Me.’ Try not smiling to this song. Try it! Betcha can’t.
10:03 – The Michael Jackson 3D Tribute just finished. What seemed like an odd mix of performers – Celine Dion, Usher, Smokey Robinson, Carrie Underwood and Jennifer Hudson – was quite beautiful. If you’ve seen ‘This Is It’ (and you have to, it’s amazing) then you would recognize the images used in the performance from the movie. Using Michael’s vocals on ‘The Earth’ song added a haunting element that was a reminder of what an amazing force he was. Michael’s two oldest children accepted their father’s Lifetime Achievement award from Lionel Richie. The tribute was simple and powerful and let the Michael we loved shine through.
10:08 – Great dress, Sheryl Crow! Now, when it rains you can just throw that thing over your house to keep the water out! Who needs windows when you’ve got 100 yards of silk! Unbelievable. If I had those abs, I’d be wearing a crop top to a baby christening in January. I’d never cover them up! Do I need a dinner plate? Nope, I’m just going to eat off my abs, thanks.
10:18 – Best Rap Song = best category of the night, in my opinion. I would’ve liked ‘I’m on a Boat’ to win just to see what the Lonely Island dudes would say. But, ‘Run This Town’ was pretty killer. Jay Z and Rihanna brought Beyonce’s nephew, Solanges son Julez, on stage. My Sunday nights as a child were spent watching ‘Ghostwriter.’ He wins. Would’ve liked to see my Kanye on stage, but probably best that he stays away from award shows for a while. You know, cuz people still hate him and all.
10:31 – Haitian born Wyclef Jean introduced Mary J. Blige, David Foster and Andrea Bocelli for their rendition of ‘Bridge Over Troubled Water’ in support of Haiti. Beau-ti-ful.
10:38 – Neil Young has been named Musicares Person of the Year. Is there anyone cooler than Neil Young? I think not.
10:45 – Dave Matthews ‘dancing’ may have been the highlight of the night for me. Get down wich yo bad self!
10:50 – Beyonce and her boobs just gave an acceptance speech. Can we get another round of applause for her double-sided tape?
11:03 – Lady Gaga was shown in the audience wearing this and looks terrified. Don’t worry Gaga, we’re scared too. That’s a whole lotta crazy for one person.
11:18 – Um, why is Quentin Tarantino talking like the Fonz? Ehhhhhhhhhhh (thumbs down).
11:20 – Drake, Eminem, Lil Wayne and Travis Barker perform ‘Forever.’ Killah performance. Only thing that would have made it better was my Kanye. Oh, and CBS not muting half of the song because of swearing. It’s after 11. Just leave the bad words, we’re all fine.
11:28 – She did it! She did it! Taylor Swift has won Album of the Year! I think Swift and Lady Gaga were both deserving of the award, so I’m glad it went to one of them. Didn’t love her dress, do love her. Go Tay Tay!
11:30 – Well, the Grammys have come and gone for another year and I’d have to say that the show was pretty solid this year. Good performances, good speeches and no one tripped. But, most importantly, what did you think of ‘Popcorn M&M’s’?
Tags: Alanis Morissette, Andrea Bocelli, beyonce, black eyed peas, Carrie Underwood, Celine Dion, Dave Matthews, David Foster, drake, Elton John, eminem, Grammys, green day, Haiti, jamie foxx, jay-z, Jennifer Hudson, josh duhamel, Kings of Leon, Kristen Bell, Kylie Minogue, lady gaga, lil wayne, Lionel Richie, mary j blige, michael jackson, Pink, quentin tarantino, rihanna, Sheryl Crow, Slash, Solange, stephen colbert, Stevie Nicks, t-pain, taylor swift, travis barker, Wyclef JeanTweet