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Message From The Real Chris Brown

November 4th, 2008

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What’s up ya’ll! Chris Brown here, the real Chris Brown.

I’m writing to you from the recovery center of St. Joseph’s hospital. The doctors said I’ve lost 30% of my near-sighted vision and it’s a little hard to see anything right now, so I’m dictating this blog to my nurse.

Just thought I’d write to tell you all I’m okay and that I haven’t given up on my life-long mission to bring awareness to the dangers of re-enacting the things you see Chris Brown do on television. I really hope he doesn’t come out with any more videos, because my doctor said if I get pepper sprayed again I could go blind permanently. Also a little tip, the day after you get pepper sprayed don’t forget to shower with a pair of swimming goggles on, because that stuff will wash out of your hair and pour directly back into your eyes. Even when that stuff is diluted it still feels like you’re getting punched in the face by a man with fists made out of waffle irons.

If you still have any desire to go out on the street and pretend to be Chris Brown, please before you do watch WETD tonight at 6:30pm ET. I’m not trying to tell you what to do, it’s just the more information you have the better. Peace out, keep fighting the good fight. Thanks Nurse Gwendolyn, that’s all. Can you change my bed pan now, it’s full and starting to reek horribly? You didn’t write that last part down did you?

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