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Dearest TyTy,

First of all, I just have to say how much I’m enjoying watching your Tyra Banks Show vaseline freak out on an almost daily basis. Really top-notch material, Banks! But if you’re gonna beat Oprah in the battle of give-a-ways, you’re gonna have to step up. That said, I’m NOT hating on Vaseline. It truly is the eye and everything cream.

Let’s cut to the chase, Tah-ra. I think it’s high time you throw together a good ol’ fashioned All Stars Edition. Bring back our favourite love to love and love to hate characters from cycles past for a second chance at becoming America’s …. Next… Top… Model! Youknowmsayn? With the right mix of personality, we could have enough extreme drama and amusement to make us all kajillionaires! But not with money. With laughs. And isn’t that what makes the world go round, Tyra Banks? Isn’t it?

I now present to you my wish list for Top Model All Stars. Don’t just think about it. DO IT.

Top Model All Stars

JANICE DICKINSON!!

Look, Twiggy is sweet and everything but for All Stars, you like, NEED Janice Dickinson. Make nice with her, take her out for, I dunno, what does she eat, cigarettes? And make it happen. Bring her back to the panel!!

Elyse (Cycle 1)

Not only was she was one of the most witty and intelligent contestants of all time, but she introduced the great “shitslice” to my vernacular. Alas, this longtime girlfriend of Marty from The Shins is somewhat of a star in Hong Kong, and doesn’t need the Top Model exposure, so she’d probably pass. But read her journal, it’s excellent and always funny.

Camille (Cycle 2)

or Tiffany (Cycle 4)

The show’s gonna need a crap load of bitches, Tyra. You know it. Bitches = glorious drama. Camille was so full of herself and she already had her signature walk downpat. You could also bring back Tiffany from cycle 4, but she’s basically the same person as Camille. Plus, when you sent Tiffany away, you sent her AWAY. Damn, that was good.

Mercedes (Cycle 2)

Mercedes wasn’t just beautiful with a killer runway walk and posing ability, but she had LUPUS. That means you were rooting for her with a tear in your eye while all the while wanting to take her home and serve her tea. Plus, she came in 2nd!

Toccara (Cycle 3)

She was the best galdang plus size model the show done ever seen, and she lost it when her big personality fell to the wayside in favour of stress. Maybe with a little bit of success on her plate, she’ll return with that brash persona and keep it!

Yaya (Cycle 3)

She’s fit, but jebus don’t she know it. With her dancer’s body and gorgeous face, Yaya was a real contenda. She also seemed to love herself. A lot. That’s ok, isn’t it? One needs confidence in a competition like this, right? *cough*

Amanda (Cycle 3)

Hey, do you think she’s blind by now? That could be an interesting angle, TyTy. But really, the modeltards just need an Ice Queen to be their leader, and Amanda could fit the part while rocking the photoshoots.

Brittany (Cycle 4)

She was loud and obnoxious and somehow always managed to look like a porn star in her photos. With this stacked competish, she can’t win, but she had to make this short list for sure.

Kahlen (Cycle 4)

Some people say she totally shoulda won but that’s all a matter of opinion. She was SO CLOSE, and that’s why she deserves to come back for attempt #2 - the hunger of a runner up. Plus, she had a pretty cute personality and stuff.

Kim (Cycle 5)

How can you not invite back a girl who made out with another small town girl in a limo and then declared, “One down, eleven to go!” The girl’s a spitfiya. She’s in.

Bre (Cycle 5)

Oh, how I loved Bre. She could be mean, she could be witty, she could say things that made no sense but were just so perfect. She’s truly one of the greatest ANTM characters to have lived, and for that, I salute her.

Nik (Cycle 5)

I’m not just biased because I put my money on her in the office pool, but Nik was FIERCE (fierce is back, y’all!) and was robbed of a win! She’d come back and kill this competition. Hands down!

Lisa (Cycle 5)

Oh, Lisa. I truly miss your insanity and with your skills, you deserve a second chance. It’s ok, drink all the wine you want. We’ll just get more moments like the time you talked to a bush in the yard or the time you did this.

Jade (Cycle 6)

You could hate her for being cocky or outspoken or for misusing words or combining words to make new words (unironically), or you could hate her for being, you know, pretty good. You don’t have to like Jade, but you KNOW she deserves a place on this list. What a charactah!

Joanie (Cycle 6)

Joanie was super talented and she came in second (deserving the win almost as much as Dani) and people adored her and all that, but just for putting a laundry basket on her head and declaring, “I’m a basket case,” Joanie is SO IN. Awesome.

Melrose (Cycle 7)

Eek, the very name sends shivers down my spine. But that’s what reality TV is all about - the more villians, the merrier! Well, not merrier. But you know what I mean. Plus, face it, she was pretty talented. Drama’s good for the soul, beches.

Personal Fave: Leslie (cycle 6)

She may have been booted for a “muted personality”, but pish posh. This girl’s a sparkplug and one of the most gorrrrgeous contestants of all time, yo. I demand satisfaction in the return of Leslie!

Rob and Ambuh

They’ve already been on Survivor All Stars and Amazing Race All Stars and I love them, so like, it only makes sense. Plus, check it out - they both look good shirtless.

Runners up: Robin (cycle 1), Shandi (cycle 2), Ann (cycle 3), Michelle (cycle 4), Nnenna (cycle 6), Jayla (cycle 5), Michelle (cycle 7)

What do you think? Did I miss anyone? Should we bring back the winners instead for an ultimate show down? I NEED ANSWERS!!

Posted on Tuesday, March 13th, 2007 at 1:42 pm by Wendy and is filed under Blog.

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