Pussycat Dolls Present: Girlicious [Episode 3]

March 5th, 2008

Hey, Robin Antin – why so glum?

After all, there’s a whole lotta sexy you have to build a HOT NEW GIRL GROUP (TM) with!

See? Things aren’t so bad.

This week’s episode begins with a slight feeling of dread, as Ilisa confesses that she thought she would be the one leaving last week, on account of her oddball-ism. She’s not sure if being an amazonian ginger is a plus, a minus, or both. Chrystina agrees that Ilisa should have gone home, simply because she doesn’t mesh well with the other girls. On the other hand, Chrystina believes in herself as the cream of the crop in the competition. Cue photos from her youth. You know what that means … bottom 2, y’all! By the by, Chrystina’s uncle and father were in the NFL, which can only mean that she’s also meant to be in the limelight. OBviously.

Can we rewind to that super saucy photo of Alexis? Let’s compare.

Believe in the powers of make-up and lighting. Anyway, Alexis fills us in on her life story as well, and modestly shares with us that she’s an overachiever. Goes to USC, is pre-dental, drinks wine, has a D cup, yada, yada, yada. This means that she will also be bottom 2.

PCD mail! What is up with these Nicole-less group shots?

Not sure if you heard, but Carmit is no longer with the group. Every Carmit-filled week will only add to the gaping hole I feel in my heart. Anyhooters, according to the video, this week’s theme is *~*CHARISMA*~*. Every time I hear this word, I think of Charisma Carpenter.

Robin designates team captains based on last week’s top performers. Then, the captains pick teams, schoolyard stylies. Guess who’s stuck as last pick?

:-( I don’t know – there’s something so likable about Ilisa, but maybe she’s not Girlicious material – based on Robin’s definition. Not that I want to agree with Natalie, who later declares that Ilisa “just isn’t girlicious enough.” Just like your FACE, Natalie. Just like your face.

The groups are like so:
Charlye (Captain), Tiffanie, Nichole – “These Boots Are Made For Walkin’”
Chrystina (Captain), Natalie, Jenna, Ilisa – “Respect”
Carrie (Captain), Jamie, Alexis, Nichole – “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”

Problems at the hen house – vocal coach Kenn says that Chrystina’s “pushy” voice makes him uncomfortable. Alexis is having troubs with the funky dance moves, cause she’s classically trained. Thank you episode 3 for reminding us of the future bottom 2.

We hadn’t heard from Natalie up til this point, but her late delivery of bitchery par excellence is still piping hot. She says that it’s hard having Ilisa in the group cause she doesn’t blend in with her red hair. Seriously. And I quote: “Red hair and all, and being all tall, she just kind of like, stands out. Like a sore thumb… everybody knows that Ilisa’s not gonna be a part of Girlicious.” And everybody knows that you’re a douche. See you next Tuesday.

Chrystina pipes in to say that Ilisa is an oddball, and imagines Girlicious to be “girly” (GASP!). A bikini conference of Natalie, Chrystina and Jenna discuss the cons of Ilisa’s existence. Chrys: “She says the weirdest things, it makes everybody feel uncomfortable.” Natalie: “She’s just so weird, like the way she wipes her face.” I totally get it. I once de-friended someone because of how they wiped their face, too.

Ilisa tells us that she has Arrhythmia Tachycardia, which means her heart beats over 100x a minute, and she’s prone to fainting. The first time she fainted, she was unconscious for 30 minutes and was pronounced dead. Scary stuff. Her plight is enhanced with the always effective “sufferer at piano” visual:

“I realize my purpose is to touch people with my music.” Maybe Girlicious isn’t that avenue, then?

After the break, Ilisa sits down with Natalie and Chrystina to question why people don’t like her. “I just want people to like me for me.” Natalie tells her that she has a “lack of knowing how to get along with girls.” Later, Nat says that Ilisa is trying to force chemistry, which is impossible. “You have to be yourself.” Dude. That’s what she’s been DOING THE WHOLE TIME, and you’re the one who has a problem with that!

Breathe. Robin takes the girls to a listening party, where they’ll hear Nicole Scherzinger’s mystery solo album. Nicole surprises them all with a performance of “Just Say Yes”, which she says is straight from the heart. Then she reads the lyrics from a piece of paper.

Maybe not, but that’s what it looks like!

What’s up with the crying bitches?

Nicole Scherzinger isn’t supposed to make you cry, silly. She’s supposed to make you question her solo efforts. She tells the girls that they have to find and understand charisma, and that they can’t be afraid of who they are. You hear that, Ilisa!

Robin announces the challenge: each group will perform “I Don’t Need A Man” for a group of kids – their target audience.

The kids will then critique each girl, and the one who exhibits the most charisma will be safe from elimination. After the performances, our contestants watch the kid comments from a private viewing room. They like Nichole, they think Charlye is unmemorable, Carrie’s dancing needs work, Jenna looked bored on stage, Alexis wasn’t memorable and Chrystina needs to put in more effort. Tiffanie is surprised that the kids were “so critical and intelligent. They’re worse than Ron Fair!” Then, something apparently amazing happens, judging by these reactions:

The kids totally LOVED Ilisa! They ate her up! They thought she was amazing! TAKE THAT, NATALIE! Oh. Except then the kids also loved Natalie. And then they choose her as the challenge winner. Oh.

Fine then. Tiffanie says that Natalie’s very pretty, and she’s got big boobs, and that maybe if she stuck out her own boobs, she mighta won. Yes, because that’s what all 11-year-old girls want. Then Ilisa is like, “even though I didn’t win the challenge, I still won.” Aww.

Later, Ilisa fills the house in on her life story, so that they may better understand her. She shows them the scar from her implanted defibrillator; they are impressed and moved.

Then of course, Natalie has to ruin the moment by telling the camera that just because Ilisa is a survivor, it doesn’t mean it’ll change the way Nat interacts with her. HAVE YOU NO HEART?! Also, she says that one cannot be “tomboylicious” to be in “girlicious”. Natalie is a hater.

At the PCD Lounge, the groups prepare for performances. Up first, Charlye’s group sings “These Boots Are Made For Walkin’”. Tiffanie kills it.

And she’ll kill you, too.

And she’ll like it.

The judges agree: the performance was swell. Next up – Carrie’s group with “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”.

Kim is all:

And Ron is all:

And that is a very good thing. I don’t know about you, but I find his excitement contagious! It’s true, they’re very good this week – even Jamie and Cassandra, who normally can’t sing.

Then Chrystina’s group sings “Respect”, and they’re generally well-liked by the judges as well. So what group is in danger?! No group, that’s who. The judges decide that since each group was good, they’ll evaluate individually instead.

So it comes down to Nichole, Jenna, Chrystina and Alexis as the bottom 4. Nichole needs to tighten up her performance, but she’s safe. Jenna needs to put more effort into her onstage presence, but she’s safe.

And so, we have the predicted Chrystina and Alexis in the bottom 2. The judges wonder how many chances they can give Chrystina to shine, and Alexis just doesn’t have that “star power” (even though Ron said that about her in episode one). (Oh, and by the way, “star power” is this series’ very own “the camera loves you” – like that phrase is to Top Model, the judges throw “star power” around like crazy).

So Alexis is the bootee (booty?), and she says that she’ll miss the friendships most. Also: now has the confidence to know she has talent, and maybe she should re-think the whole dental school thing. Nuh uh, honey.

Next week: MAKEOVERS! *squeal*

Posted on Wednesday, March 5th, 2008 at 2:04 pm by Mike VK and is filed under We <3 TV.