Pussycat Dolls Present: Girlicious [Episode 4]

March 12th, 2008

It’s makeover week!! How do you feel about that, Girlicious hopefuls?

Don’t get too crazy!

After last week’s elimination, Chrystina is feeling a little rankled about being in the bottom 2. The rest of the girls, meanwhile, mourn the loss of Alexis, who “worked harder than people still here.” Carrie notes that there are only 2 blondes left; Nichole says that the pressure is on.

Also annoyed with the last elimination is Jenna, who thinks it’s ridiculous that she wound up in the bottom 4, cause she has one of the best voices. Also, one of the best “I love myself” complexes in the house.

PCD mail! And check it, this time they actually edited out Carmit, because of her recent departure from the group. Anyhoodle, this week’s theme is STYLE. No, actually this week’s theme is WHINING. You’ll see.

Jamie’s all, “I have a one up on everyone” cause she’s half Venezuelan or whatever and she dances for the Miami Heat.

As we all know, these life stories always mean bottom two. Tread carefully, dear Jamie.

Robin reveals the disco song list for the episode, and breaks the girls into groups.

Chrystina, Jenna, Tiffanie, Carrie – “Dim All The Lights”
Charlye, Nichole, Natalie – “Take Your Time (Do It Right)”

Interesting – note how group one has all the best singers! And then there’s group 3:

Cassandra, Jamie, Ilisa – “Heart Of Glass”

“HEART OF GLASS”?? You’re giving Cassandra and Jamie – two of the worst singers – “HEART OF GLASS”?? Cassandra feels my pain. Her face drops immediately.

She’s all, “It’s a high song! Have you heard my voice? Oh my god, I’m going home after this.” Dun dun dunn…

At practice, Jenna predictably has problems with the dance routine.

Mikey says, “Jenna has his sultry Jessica Rabbit thing, but I’m over that thing.” Instead of coming to terms with the fact that she can’t dance, Jenna huffs, “I have my own thing dance-wise. Maybe that’s not working to my advantage right now.” Yes – your own “thing” is lack of rhythm and energy and no, it’s not working to your advantage!

Meanwhile, Cassandra breaks down in singing practice cause her voice can’t reach Blondie highs without sounding tranny-licious.

Cry it out, baby girl.

Later, Jenna’s group sits her down for a little “buck up, princess”. Nichole says, “I feel like we’re all trying so hard and you’re just getting by, not trying at all.” Charlye is all, “It seems like you’re here to get a solo deal, but my mama wouldn’t even watch you.” And Tiffanie says, “If you weren’t so pretty, you wouldn’t even be here.” Jenna is taken aback in an appropriately lazy enough fashion.

“I’m not a dancer, but I work hard on my vocals every day,” she retorts. “I’ve worked just as hard to be here, and I deserve it.” Flash to Tiffanie’s confessional, “Everybody’s like, omg, I feel bad for you, she doesn’t practice. Don’t feel bad for me! She’s gonna practice if she’s in my group.”

I feel like Tiffanie will be an excellent mother. She won’t take no guff.

Back at the lab, Chrystina looks broke-ass-DOWN.

She’s super grouchy at practice, still moping about the whole bottom 2 thing. “It’s really annoying.” Know what else is annoying? Mmm hmm. A little later, Robin notes her frustration and is all, what’s up with you? “You seem down and out.” Chrystina folds her arms, “I’m not down and out.”

“I’m just disappointed I was in the bottom 2. I feel like I didn’t deserve it.” Robin explains that this whole competition is about constructive criticism and a girl’s gotta be able to take it. Mikey reminds them that everybody’s still green, with a long way to go. “Don’t let your head blow up like a balloon.” So Chrystina calls her Dad, and he reminds her that she has to be able to handle the pressure, and there’s no way to control the judges’ decisions. This makes her feel better, thank god. I don’t know how much more of her self-righteousness I can take!

The next day, Robin gathers the girls to say, “you’re all getting a complete makeover!” They freak.

I love how excited Carrie is. It’s like she knows she needs a little help. She’s like, “whatever they want to do, I’m so excited!” And then Jamie says, “I already have it all, now make me look like a celebrity!” This is bad news. Something will go wrong here.

Oh noes! They lightened your hair two shades?! What a travesty! Seriously though, she hates it. HATES IT. Plus, it makes her feel “like a white girl.” Wtf? And then there’s everyone else, who basically get no makeovers at all. Oh, a trim here, some bangs there, but this is no Top Model makeover. LAME! And now back to Jamie. No wait – first Robin tells the girls that they’re gonna walk a red carpet, and whoever is most impressive will be safe from elimination. And NOW back to Jamie.

“Every time I look in the mirror, I’m like, *puking motion*. How am I supposed to feel pretty on the red carpet and look good if I don’t like the way I look?” Who else wants to slap her in the face at this point? Oh, it gets worse.

On the “red carpet”, each girl walks individually, poses for some pics and does their best sultry paparazzi wave. And ok, ok – Natalie looks pretty fierce. (Says Mikey: “I never wanna see your curly hair again!”)

And this is what Carrie wears on the red carpet as her big makeover? Really? Isn’t this what she wears every day?

Oh no, sorry, she’s wearing a scarf now. And of course, it wouldn’t be episode 4 without some more Jamie bitching. Complain, complain, complain. You don’t like your hair, we get it. Move on, you’ve got a decidedly Lohan vibe – deal with it.

Robin and the senior editor of In Touch discuss who they think would be most likely to appear in a magazine, and in the end they choose Nichole. “I feel like I broke out – this competition is mine to win,” she says. And then Chrystina is like, “I really thought I was going to win the challenge.” Oh my god, you kind of love yourself too much, girl.

Back to practicing, Jamie has trouble concentrating, which makes Ilisa worry for her group. Meanwhile, Tiffanie gives Jenna a pep talk and helps her with the dance moves.

Jenna says that she loves Tiffanie, and is grateful for her pushing to practice. Ok Jenna, you have redeemed yourself. For now. And then there’s Chrystina, who is apparently STILL peeved, and breaks down in singing practice.

Kenn points out that she’s not even trying, but he’s never gonna give up on her. He pushes her, and makes her sing through the tears. “I took the breakdown as her finally revealing to herself that she’s just another girl trying to make it.” SING IT, KENN HICKS! Love this man. He’s such a movie character. Later, he totally exorcises Jamie for being a downer.

The world needs more Kenn Hicks.

PCD Lounge time! Mark McGrath introduces everyone and the performances begin. First up, Nichole, Charlye and Natalie blow it away on their roller skates. Robin says that she’s so proud, cause they looked like a group. Kim is all, !!LOL-LERSKATES!! And seriously, this is how Ron reacted to their performance. With a big ass SMILE! Since WHEN, Ron Fair?!

I don’t even know you anymore. Next, Ilisa, Cassandra and Jamie sing “Heart of Glass”. Uh oh. The whole thing is okayyyyyyy, but nothing close to good. Ron is like,

Hey, what’s up with that hat, anyway? I would like to take this time to suggest alternative options.

A ‘do rag?

A beanie?

A fun-fruit headdress?

Javier Bardem’s hair?

Aaaaand scene.

Kim tells Cassandra that her vocals weren’t good, and Ron tells Jamie, “I saw you vanish.” She starts to cry.

“I hate crying, but I don’t feel like myself.” Lil Kim says wisely and obviously, “a lot of things are going to get personal backstage, but you can’t bring it on stage.”

Thank god for the sangin’ group, up next. Carrie, Jenna, Tiffanie and Chrystina are awesome, but maybe not as good as group 1. And seriously, how good does Carrie look?

Work it! Robin says that Jenna “brought it”. Ron says Tiffanie was perfect. And thumbs up all around for Chrystina – “do your homework and you can write your own ticket,” says Robin. Backstage, Jamie and Cassandra are worried – “if I go home, I want to end on a good note, and tonight wasn’t a good note.” No kidding. I still can’t believe they gave those girls “Heart Of Glass”! RIGGED!

The judges all agree that group 2 was the worst. Again, Robin and Ron can’t make up their minds about Ilisa’s uniqueness – is it a pro or a con? Ron wants to send Jamie home, but Robin wants to give her another chance. WHO WILL IT BE??

The girls come out. Group 3 is safe. Group 1 is safe (Robin: “please skate to the side.” HA!). Ilisa is safe. The bottom 2 is obviously Jamie and Cassandra, and Robin starts to cry.

“Cassandra – I’m sorry. *sniff* You will not be in Girlicious.” Cassandra is a good sport. “It’s ok – life goes on after Girlicious,” she says. And I love this… walking off stage, she throws her signature move out as a final hurrah, kicking her leg high into the air.