Pussycat Dolls Present: Girlicious [Episode 7]

April 2nd, 2008

So, I’m about to recap a recap. *Head explodes*

And thus, with my demise, Natalie gets her ultimate revenge on my train of haterade. But, but, baby – it’s a love-hate relationship! I think you could be perfect for this group, but cha just need to grow up a little. That’s all.

Rambling over, recap beginning – of a recap, remember. Yes, this is the much loathed reality TV clip show, the episode that apparently lets the production people take a breather while the audience only grows hungry for MORE ELIMINATIONS! MORE DRAMA! (But does the production crew really get a breather? Do we really need to re-live everything that got us to this point?) We are promised new fights! New tears! Big surprises! And the heart of all that is Girlicious – pole dancing! Damn you, voice over man, enticing me with your big sells.

Luckily, this particular clip show included many a juicy never-before-seen moment, so I’ll keep the what-we-know to a minimum and the what-is-new-to-us to a comfortable maximum. LIKE THIS!!!

Double-you. Tee. Eff. What we have here is a genuine Girl-exorcist, but thankfully this show was looking for sex kittens and not half-demons. Nah, that’s just long-gone Keisha demonstrating her creepy hidden talent. Fun fact: Nichole is double jointed.

Hey, remember when Charlotte wanted to borrow Natalie’s boots, and Nat was all, “no wai, betch.” Good times. I love how Charlotte manages to check herself out in the mirror mid-argument:

What we know: Jenna in a wheelchair, JC Chasez comes and sings, the girls move into their house and Natalie feels like she’s getting the credit she deserves, blah blah blah.

One time, I guess Jenna told Charlye that she wasn’t coming correct with her style. Jenna said she KNOWS this business, and Charlye’s not dressin’ right. Charlye was all, “girrrrrl, I look good.” It was boring.

Not boring are shocking never before seen clips of Tiffanie on a hula hoop rampage! Watch out! She’ll scream at you and get you with her hoop!

Fun fact: Tiffanie is actually a tyrannosaurus rex.

“I’m naturally dramatic. I over-exaggerate everything. Everything I do is dramatic … Either you’re gonna love me, or you’re gonna hate me.” So true, Tiffers. Check the comments section – people totally heart her, or they hate her. Same with Natalie. Those two are on opposite ends of the diva, love-to-hate spectrum. They’re both obnoxious, and they’re both perfect reality TV typecasts. Their exaggerated personalities are what make this show worth watching.

Speaking of Tiffanie being obnoxious, we are shown a moment where Robin gives the girls a basket of free make-up. They go Oprah audience nutsoid. These girls are way too excitable. But then there’s Tiffanie, who freaks out and takes all the make-up she can hold.

These are the moments where you’re like, ok girl. Calm down. It’s called sharing – you learned it when you were 3.

OH. Then Robin brings out the “Pole Dancing Expert”, which is actually what I wanted to be when I grew up. At first the girls are excited when this blonde woman walks out, cause they think she’s a Pussycat Doll, but then they’re like, “oh. it’s just some lady”. Everyone then practices working a pole: it’s for the greater good.

If you have a “tattoo cherries on your hoo-ha”, you’re going to be good at the pole. It’s only natural.

Alexis, however, is uncomfortable with the whole situation and decides to sit out cause her grandparents are watching.

I hope she knows that she did sign up to join the group “Girlicious”. Poles will be involved. It’s like when girls on Top Model don’t want to do the nude shoots. It’s all part & parcel.

I know boy-briefs are supposed to be sexy on girls, but I think they got the wrong type. These kind of just look like adult diapers.

Cameron Diaz in Charlie’s Angels – that’s how you rock a brief.

Oh! Oh! Now we get thirty seconds of those waaaaaaacky judges!

Ron Fair, why you so crayyyy-zeh?

Mikey can shimmy on me anytime. He’s always got plenty of lip gloss and his t-shirts keep me entertained.

Here, Robin explains that to do a proper dancing butt fondle, just pretend like you’re wiping your ass. Totally changes your perspective of the whole thing, doesn’t it?

Jenna’s work ethic is called into question, Chrystina sulks about being in the bottom 2, makeover time, Jamie freaks out when they make her hair orange, blah, blah, blah.

I’m sorry to bring back a sad moment, but it must be noted that when Natalie’s grandmother died and almost everybody was consoling her, Nichole was singing quite loudly in the next room. Chrystina yells at her to stop. Nichole is like, “hey, it’s a singing competition. Why would you get offended?”

I dunno man, I find that pretty rude. What do you guys think?

Another “never before seen” clip shows Robin bringing out a dancer for inspiration before the dancing-with-boys challenge (during which Carrie actually got throw-uppy sick). And OH MY GOD, it’s MY OLD HIP HOP DANCE TEACHER NATALLI!!!

Speaking of the boys from the dancing challenge, they all came back to the house for some rabblerousery. WHY this wasn’t on the original episode is beyond me because the hijinx are in full throttle (ok, so it was probably because they wanted to showcase the major fight that happened later instead, but do you know what I’m saying? The following things needed to be seen on the show):

Carrie: “My boyfriend’s gonna have a heart attack!”

And then there’s Chrystina with her “natural chemistry” boy, who ACTUALLY SAYS, “maybe like, I don’t know, you should give me something to… remember … tonight by.” WHO SAYS THAT? Soldiers in WWII movies, that’s who.

Tiffanie, Charlye and Nichole are shown chilling on the couch during all of this, as Tiffanie explains the whole situation as a “hot mess.” She’s like, “half of them have boyfriends.” Here’s the thing. When girls on reality shows are put in a house, and boys are added to the equation, someone in a relationship ALWAYS MESSES UP.

When the boys leave, The Big Fight (TM) happens. We don’t need to talk about it again, but we sure need to see this again – Natalie telling Tiffanie to take it down a notch:

Shh, everybody. Natalie has the speaking fork.

Aww, you guys. This fight makes me miss Jamie. You know, with her watching it and giggling and stuff.

We see Natalie storming out on Kenn again, and a new scene where she breaks down and talks to Jenna about it. We see Carrie and Chrystina listening to the other team practice “Emotion” and making sour faces at the off-pitch-ness of it all. Then, a “Life Coach to the Celebrities” shows up to tell all the girls what she thinks about them.

Natalie: “You have suppressed anger. … You’re cocky enough.”

Chrystina: “I sense a little identity confusion.”

Tiffanie: “I’m sure you’re powerful. I bet you could blow the room out.” Actually, Life Coach to the Stars Susanna, that’s been done.

And oh, my god there’s yet another fight that hasn’t been seen. Before Jenna got eliminated, Tiffanie says she thought Natalie was lying when she explained why she walked out on Kenn. They fight. I’m getting lazy and don’t want to talk about it. Basically Tiffanie’s like, “you misrepresented the situation” and Natalie is all, “no I didn’t”, and then fast forward to Natalie telling Tiffanie that she’s a negative nancy and that it’s “not all hood here” and “would you hit me if we were in the streets?” Tiffanie is all,

*count to ten, count to ten*

I guess cause once Tiffanie told Natalie, “if this was the streets…” and Natalie was like, “ok, if this was the streets, then what?” I don’t know. These bitches are way over my head right now, I don’t even want to think about it. *Eyes glazing*

Next week: Chrystina in a group with her RIVALS! Carrie has trouble?!

Previous Recaps:

Episode 1 Weecap
Episode 1
Episode 2
Episode 3
Episode 4
Episode 5
Episode 6

Posted on Wednesday, April 2nd, 2008 at 2:07 pm by Wendy and is filed under We <3 TV.