Pussycat Dolls Present: Girlicious [Episode 9]

April 18th, 2008

Omigod you guys, it’s the PENULTIMATE EPISODE! And guess who’s exciiiiiited?

Contain yourself, woman!

As we all have learned, class, the first person who speaks is in grave danger come elimination time. And who is it this week? *drumroll* Charlye! (Gasp) She talks about how difficult it was to see Carrie go home, which I think we can all agree upon. Then Tiffanie announces in the van, “I can’t believe Carrie went home over some of the people who are still here.” She says it IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY. There’s no hiding the beefs here, folks. Cut to the obvious objects of her disaffection in the backseat, looking forlorn.

Charlye interviews, “Chrystina is my competition but I mean… I’m better than her!” Nice to see your confidence is peaking. Back to the van, Nichole wonders aloud who will be in the group? Charlye says there are some pretty strong contenders. Tiffanie chimes in that there are not, in fact, some strong contenders. *Cough cough*

Yikes. Things are getting tense, right? Oh, just wait. Anyway, this scene ends with Chrystina silently aiming a finger gun at Tiff and Charles before turning it on herself.

I can’t wait til the next PCD mail: Curbing Your Murderous Intentions!

Back at the house, Chrys and Nat immediately lock themselves away in a room while the others frolick in the hallways, chasing each other like slut nymphs. They scoff at the somber duo; Nichole sighs that they should come out, come together and make it work while Tiffanie rolls her eyes and says, “get over it!”

Hey. Tiffanie. Scary Spice called. She wants her look back.

The next day brings the most passive-aggressive conversation of all Girlicious history, when Nichole sits in front of a mirror with Nat and Chrys.

She’s like, “there are some talented girls here” and Nat is all, “some more beautiful than others” and Chrys is like, “we’re all talented, but some of us have an extra edge, which is beauty.” And then it goes on like that for like 5 minutes before Nichole gets up to report the conversation back to Tiff and Charles. Tiffanie rants about it’s hard to appreciate somebody who thinks they’re prettier than everyone else – it only makes a person uglier.

And then the PCD Mail comes, and then the theme is “Public Image”, and then Natalie gets excited about that and screams, “HELL YEAH!” and then Tiffanie says, “public image is for smart girls, it has to do with how you speak!” and then Natalie says, “how you LOOK” and then things are very awkward. And then they go to the studio and Robin makes them group hug and things are even more awkward.

Robin tells them that they’ll be performing as one group this week (Pussycat Doll songs “Buttons” & “How Many Times, How Many Lies”), and nobody will be safe from elimination. This worries Chrystina, because for some reason she thinks that performing as one group means there’s a bigger chance of getting cut.

Everyone struggles during rehearsal, but Mikey calls out Chrystina for faking it through practice. It doesn’t get any better for Miss X when Kenn decides to match her up with Tiffanie on harmonies. They practice, and Chrys is not only overpowered by Tiffanie, but acts completely defeated. Come on, girl – at least put in an effort? Kenn stops ‘em and says that he feels icicles. “I don’t feel people working with me!”

He advises that they should do everything possible to springboard off each other’s shoulders to make this a performance worth remembering. At this point, Kenn, the only way they’re gonna springboard off each other’s shoulders is if they’re performing some elaborate wrestling maneuver. Srry2say.

The next day the girls find themselves on a “media tour”, starting with a morning interview at LA’s KIIS FM. Naturally, the first question is “do you get along?” The silence and muted, “of course” ensures that the host sooo doesn’t believe them. Tiffanie saves them with a wise, “our differences are a lot smaller than what we have in common.” They move on to other topics, including an a cappella round of “How Many Times, How Many Lies”, in which Chrystina seriously flubs the lines!! She actually stops mid-song and says, “wait…”. It’s cringe-worthy and my jaw gaped and I wasn’t even putting a sandwich in there. Worst. Nightmare!!

Nichole admits that she felt bad for Chrystina, but Charlye seems to quite enjoy the stumble. And next, they find themselves on the set of Extra, to be interviewed by Mark McGrath.

I must say that Natalie kind of actually lives up to her “I excel at being excellent” thing (earlier she said, “being in the public eye is something I’m very good at”, but I didn’t tell you that at the time because I forGOT), but anyway, she’s quite good at this. So is Tiffanie, who says things that are more sage-like than her 18 years. Meanwhile, Chrystina knows this is her time to make up for the radio disaster. But again, she stumbles and rambles and doesn’t really make sense. Mark is like,

By the way, what HAPPENED to this guy?! I’m not even talking “Fly” Mark McGrath, cause that was the beginning of the end.

Hey look, he’s on the Pussycat Doll stage, even in 1997!

I’m talking this Mark McGrath. Seriously, what happened? I guess he was just too pretty all along. I digress. Anyway, Chrystina messed up again and I felt horrible.

The girls are given one final test – to shoot promo throws with Mark using a teleprompter.

Charlye kiiiiiind of messes up when she misses a cue, and Chrystina pulls it off nicely. Lesson: all girls have passed a 3rd grade reading level. Bonus!

Back at the house, Tiffanie gushes about how much fun she had. We’ll check back on her in two months to see how she’s holding up with the onslaught of repeated questions and 5am wake-up calls (if she makes the group). Robin reveals that the winner will have her promo shown on TV, and that person is… Natalie:

Tiffanie interviews that she really wants to be a part of the group, and if that means getting along with everyone, that’s what she’s gonna do. She pulls the girls together and is like, “look – we have to start getting along.” Charlye gives her a death stare because apparently, she does not agree.

Tiffanie and Natalie note that while things haven’t been civil in the house, at least they’ve all been able to work together professionally. Everyone agrees to put their differences aside – except for Charlye. This “frustrates and disappoints” Nichole, because she wants C to be in the group, but with this attitude it might not happen.

Natalie, Chrystina, Tiffanie and Nichole have dinner together and air out their grievances – at normal person volumes.

Natalie says that she feels disrespected when they accuse her of being untalented. Tiffanie says it hurts when they say she’s not beautiful. “You can improve your singing, but I can’t change the face god gave me,” she notes. Chrystina admits that she’s said some things she didn’t mean. It’s all very heartwarming, until we see Charlye laying in bed:

“Charlye, you should get in on this,” Nichole says. “I’ve got a headache,” she responds. Ah, yes. The universal girl excuse. Nichole does not approve.

Then a poor excuse for rehearsals follows, and I’m pretty sure that Charlye will not see the light at the end of Girlicious.

Performance time! Can I say how much it warmed the cockles of my heart when Tiffanie and Chrystina sang together in perfect harmony? It was so symbolic, you guys. And Chrystina sounded excellent. AND for the first time, I really saw a future for this group. It may have a 9 month lifespan, but still. For real though, their rendition of “How Many Times, How Many Lies” was so complete, and possibly even better than the PCD version. And with shame, I will admit that I’ve been watching/listening to the performance on YouTube almost all day. Curses! You’ve sucked me in, Robin Antin. You and your cylon face.

Next up is “Buttons”, with Nichole singing lead.

Sigh – I just don’t buy Nichole as sultry. She just turned 18, so not only is she a baby, but there’s nothing risque about her! It’s like, we’re still shocked if Hilary Duff bares a shoulder, and she’s, what – 22? That’s ancient in Girlicious years. Oh, she’s 20. Whatever. Still, you know what I mean? (On a side note, I guess this means that Lohan is still only 21. Jeez, that girl has been around the block, eh?)

I DON’T BUY IT!!!

WATCH OUT LIL KIM!!!! Runaway weave’s gonna eat your face!

The judges praise the group for coming together and generally have good things to say about everyone. Ron is happy that they performed a song that could showcase Natalie’s lower register, Lil Kim gushes, and Robin wonders if Charlye is gelling with everyone (no).

AND SO: Natalie, Nichole and Tiffanie are safe. And two sworn enemies end up in the bottom two:

The judges tell Charlye that she’s got the “whole package”, but is her heart in it? And they still wonder if Chrystina is “ready”. But Robin says: “Congratulations… Chrystina,” who then bursts into tears because you know she thought she was going home.

And then Charlye and Chrystina HUG IT OUT. THEY HUG IT OUT!!!

And the others start crying for various reasons:

And then they’re all hugging and Robin says, “girls, girls, girls – LISTEN UP.” And they pause. And Robin goes, “Charlye – you have also made it to the final round.”

Which makes Charlye, of course, very happy. And for some reason, Natalie is upset because this “takes her further away from her dream” or something. Anyway, there you have it! Five girls in the finale: who will be America’s … Next … Top … Girlicious?

NEXT WEEK: FINALE!!!!!

Previous Recaps:

Episode 1 Weecap
Episode 1
Episode 2
Episode 3
Episode 4
Episode 5
Episode 6
Episode 7 (Clip show)
Episode 8