R.J. Cops a Feel…and Vomits: Hard Times recap

July 28th, 2010

Dream weekend checklist: Parents out of the country? Check. Hot baby-sitter who doesn’t follow the rules? Check. Booze, BFFs, and a raging party? Check, check and check!

Click for more on how R.J.’s dream weekend went from victorious to vomit-filled in three drinks. Plus, check out the Hard Times page for the latest episodes and galleries.

R.J.’s parents leave him alone while they attend a European couples’ retreat (I’m pretty sure it’s really a European swingers party, but whatever). Since R.J. and Miles’ history isn’t the best when left alone, the “loving” parents have hired a baby-sitter to make sure they still have a house to come back to.

Miles begins Project: “having-a-party-even-though-R.J.-and-his-parents-said-no.” With a little help from Lily, they gather a few of their friends and barge in on R.J. trying to score some alone time with the sitter.

However, the “friends” Lily and Miles rounded up aren’t exactly the cream of the crop, and the sitter (also named Jenny, like his blonde lady love) takes matters into her own hands and begins serving alcohol to spice things up. But they discover Jenny’s alcohol tolerance isn’t very high, and she turns very giggly, extremely into grinding on guys, and craving some R.J. lovin’ like nobody’s business.

Enter Max Owens and company. The “popular” kids’ party was broken up by cops, so they decide to crash R.J.’s shindig. Max tries to mack on Jenny the sitter, but R.J. moves in for the kill. Nothing matters afterwards as the party gets shot to hell once R.J.’s ‘rents call, saying they’ll be home in half an hour.

Sexually frustrated (and probably pissing his pants and watching the clock every second too) R.J. kicks everybody out, and gets Miles and Lily to help clean up while Jenny passes out on the couch.

Everything is finally spick and span with five minutes to spare before Mr. and Mrs. Berger walk through the front door. Jenny the sitter wakes up still jonesing for R.J., and he decides, “what the hell, I’ve got five minutes” and takes her up to his room. But, when he opens the door….

….he sees Lily and Miles making out. And by making out, I mean lying on top of each other, grabbing each other in places I can’t even type, and making sounds that I’m glad I can’t possibly type. But that’s not the worst part.

Once R.J. and Jenny see the make-out session happening in the bedroom, Jenny vomits on Miles and Lily. Then Miles vomits on Lily. Then Lily vomits on Miles. Then Jenny vomits again on R.J. Then R.J. is about to vomit. He tries to leave the room, but meets his parents in the doorway. And yes, you guessed it – vomits on his parents. His mother is also about to vomit, but makes it to the bathroom in time, leaving Mr. Berger to deal with the puke-filled room and teens.

Instead, he just says good-night, and walks away. End scene.