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Episode 4 of Rock The Cradle is upon us - this means we have gone past the halfway mark. The competition is getting INTENSE! If the backstage antics are any indication, these kids hate each other and don’t hold back. Especially since they are now into Double Elimination mode. Time to get cut-throat! But this show isn’t about being catty - it’s about singing! (Or so we delude ourselves…) So let us get to it, shall we?

Oh, but just as an aside: Choreographer Brian Friedman is filling in for choreographer/judge Jamie King because Jamie is off doing God knows what. Choreographing Britney? Or Madonna? Or gorillas? Who knows, who cares…

Scary, ain’t it. He reminds me of (a young?) scheming Mr. Burns.

1. Lara Johnston: Lady Marmalade

Why is this girl doing this song?! It’s about prostitution! She’s sweet and cute - she ain’t no ho, yo. And her performance is pitchy as all Hell. At least she doesn’t look like a “crazy, trannied-out grandmother.” (Her words, not mine - and I love her for it). But man - what a mess this performance is.

I’m going to be more harsh this week, thus I give this performance a 6.

Belinda Carlisle: 7.5
Brian Friedman: 5
June Ambrose: 6.5
Larry Rudolph: 7
Total: 26

Completely middle-of-the-road marks for a completely middle-of-the-road performance.

2. Crosby Loggins: Long Road to Ruin

It has continually creeped me out that Crosby looks and sounds so much like his father, Kenny. Watching him is seriously like watching his old man in, say, the Danger Zone video. But, that being said, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Crosby’s version of Long Road to Ruin is quite good (and one of my favourite Foo Fighters songs, btw). He’s energetic and seems to be enjoying himself, but his voice does sound a bit forced for the second half. Vocal fatigue perhaps?

I would give this performance a 9.

Belinda: 10
Brian: 9.5
June: 10
Larry: 9
Total: 38.5

Thus, Crosby takes the ‘untouchable’ chair!

Oh - and Lil B. Sure gets eliminated! And rightfully so - his performance last week was bunk beyond bunk. But I love how his dad, Al B. Sure, tells Lil B. that “this is the bravest thing to do.” Um, it is? Really? To go on a reality TV show where you are being spoon-fed fame - that’s brave? How about joining the Army and fighting for your country? Or volunteering in Africa? But no, Rock The Cradle is the. bravest. thing. to. do?! Hm. Good to know.

3. Jesse Snider: Ring of Fire

Jesse has been a favourite of mine, just for his pure unadulterated chutzpah. But it seems that that chutzpah has now come around and bit him in the ass. This performance is kind of crappy. He’s just yelling “burns, burns, burns” a lot. And that bare-chested floor-length leather trench coat is way too ridiculous for me to handle.

I give this performance an unfortunate 7.5.

Belinda: 6
Brian: 8.5
June: 8.5
Larry: 8
Total: 31

Hm - at least Belinda agrees with me.

4. Lucy Walsh: Fall For You

Lucy’s back! Her performance last week didn’t really showcase her talents - however this Secondhand Serenade cover suits her quite well. She gets a bit harsh sounding, but so does the original version, so it’s all good. I’m a Lucy fan, through and through.

I would give this performance a 9.5.

Belinda: 10
Brian: 10
June: 8
Larry: 9.5
Total: 37.5

Go, Lucy! She doesn’t quite knock Crosby off the ‘untouchable’ chair, but she comes pretty damn close. A nice little vote of confidence.

Oh - how funny is Lucy’s vocal coach, Joel Ewing?

“Sit up. And get your back up straight. Just because we’re playing rock does not mean that we get SLOPpy. That’s just not gooood.” He’s no Kenn Hicks, but he’s just as entertaining.

And Landon Brown is the second one to get eliminated tonight and, just like Lil B. Sure’s elimination, this is rightfully so. It’s pretty evident that Landon Brown just does not have the vocal chops.

At least Landon is all smiles (maybe he doesn’t understand that he just got voted off the show. Oh well.) See ya, boys!

5. Chloe Lattanzi: Freak On A Leash

Chloe isn’t the most vocally talented, but she definitely is the most interesting. She’s just so weird that you can’t help but kind of dig what she’s doing. She takes risks and that’s commendable. This performance is so odd though, that I don’t even know what to say. I think I like it…?

I give this performance a confused 6.5.

Belinda: 5
Brian: 4.5
June: 4

Larry: 7.5
Total: 21

Ouch, those are bad. Those are Landon Brown bad. C’mon, Judges, it wasn’t THAT bad…

And on that sad note, we end this week’s Rock The Cradle.

“Devlin.

Devl-out.

What?”

Exactly.

Previous Recaps:

Episode 3
Episode 2
Episode 1

Posted on Tuesday, May 13th, 2008 at 9:11 am by Soja and is filed under We <3 TV.

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