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Sunday’s Grammy Awards will be flesh (and fun) free

February 7th, 2013

The people behind this year’s Grammy Awards are attempting to be proactive in saving themselves money they would normally be fined by the FCC. Rather than risk any ‘indecent exposures’ during the live show, attendees for Sunday’s Grammy Awards have been sent a notice outlining new clothing restrictions put into place.

The notice, which has been sent to a long list of performers, including Rihanna, Taylor Swift, Kelly Clarkson, Alicia Keys, Sting, Miranda Lambert, fun., Maroon 5, the Black Keys, Bruno Mars, and many more, states:

“Please be sure that buttocks and female breasts are adequately covered. Thong type costumes are problematic. Please avoid exposing bare fleshy under curves of the buttocks and buttock crack. Bare sides or under curvature of the breasts is also problematic. Please avoid sheer see-through clothing that could possibly expose female breast nipples. Please be sure the genital region is adequately covered so that there is no visible ‘puffy’ bare skin exposure.”

I genuinely don’t know whether Adam Levine and Sting are able to perform with their shirts on. I think it heats up their vocal chords and makes singing impossible. Plus, no side boob? How are they going to have a red carpet with no side boob? This is a travesty. Let’s just cancel the Grammy Awards. There will be no Grammy Awards this year.

On a totally unrelated note, MUCH is airing the 2013 Brit Awards on Wednesday, February 20 at 10E/7P, which will feature performances from Taylor Swift, Justin Timberlake, One Direction, Mumford and Sons, Muse, Robbie Williams, Emeli Sande and Ben Howard. Wanna know what the Brit Awards are banning clothing-wise? Nuffin.

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