Supreme North-East Much Overlord 2004

June 2nd, 2004

Good afternoon, puny humans.? Kang…I mean Justin here.? I am, as your kind are fond of saying, “holding it down” and “keeping it real.”? I have something important to tell you.? But first, some background.

It is good to see that this vee-jay who goes by the name of Devon has excited you to the point of involuntary bowel release about the “Democratic Process.”? I do not need to tell you again that it is vitally important for your future that you vote if you’re 18+, at least until we invade your planet and enslave you.?

On my planet, we do not listen to “music,” preferring instead the soothing clank of futuristic industrial machinery and the screams of our indentured slaves constructing monuments to attest to the eternal greatness of myself and my sister Kodos…I mean Hayley.? However, in this time of upheaval and change, the words of one of your Earth bands “Aerosmith“, comes to mind:

“There’s somethin’ wrong with the world today/I don’t know what it is/Something’s wrong with our eyes/We’re seeing things in a different way/And God knows it ain’t His/It sure ain’t no surprise/We’re livin’ on the edge.”

An explanation, in case your shrunken mammalian brain cannot comprehend: In the short amount of independence your world has left, you can help fix what’s wrong by making your voice heard.? It is easier to do this without a bit in your mouth and a gilded chariot strapped to your body, so get voting quickly.

And now, the announcement: I would like to announce my candidacy for the office of Supreme Overlord of the North-East Corner of MuchMusic.

My six-point political platform is as follows:

- A Camera Monkey defense shield for Team Digital constructed of painted toilet paper rolls.
- Miniature chocolate chip cookies for all.
- Underwear optional.
- William Hung: stop.
- Flying cars by 2005.
- Finally, I will personally arrange for Beastie Boys, Hoobastank, Billy Talent and Kanye West among many others to perform at this year’s MMVAs.

And to prove my commitment, you’ll note that my last campaign promise has already come true!? Can Kodos boast the same?? I think not.

In any case, it makes no difference which one of us you vote for. Either way, your planet is doomed. DOOMED!

So vote for me, Ka…I mean Justin, for Supreme North-East Much Overlord 2004!

And now, I must go and exchange some long protein strings.? Goodbye.