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Ah, the?long weekend.? For most of you, it’s a time to relax?and?enjoy the spring-type weather in whichever corner of Canada you happen to inhabit.? For me, in the city that?recently received the Devon Soltendieck Seal Of Cooliosity, this long weekend is, unfortunately,?a time of unease and paranoia.? I’ll tell you why.

There’s a little rivalry going on in Much HQ - and it threatens to boil over into a full-scale beef.

Fetus, a member of the dangerous?Camera Monkey gang (their gang hideout is?directly south of the Team D amoeba desk)?posted a lengthy Team Digital?expose a?few days ago.??We (Team D) are?kinda like the CIA in that, when our secrets are aired out for all to see, we go on the offensive - we don’t hide like?tricksy Camera Monkeys in?their darkened lair.

So I’m here to set the record straight about the ludicrous allegations that Fetus was spewing.

1. The Snack Pack is merely a humanitarian organization designed to?ensure?us constant, unfettered access to snacks of all kinds?- we are forced to pinch only when?our right to self-snack-administration?is being trampled upon by Fetus and his goons.? And contrary to popular belief, we have a liberal membership policy.? The only requirement is that you must obey traffic laws.? I ask you: is that so unreasonable?? I think not.

2. Sophie and Kelly eat quarters only because they’re part of The Bank Of Canada’s Canadian Culinary Currency Project (CCCP).? They’re merely ensuring that our legal tender is tender enough to eat, if you are so inclined.? There’s really nothing mysterious about that.

3. I actually can teleport.? So that part?Fetus got right.? Here I go!? Now I’m back.

4. Ryan’s Mini-Poodle Breeding Program is coming along nicely, and will ensure that future Paris Hiltons will be able to carry many thousands of pets with them in their purse, instead of just one.? Get your head in the game, Camera Monkeys - we’re coming up with solid new revenue streams for Much.? What are *you* doing, hmmmm?

5. I’m not going to comment on Matt’s codenames - they’re classified for homeland security purposes.

That concludes my point-by-point rebuttal.? As you can see, things are really heating up here at the ol’ HQ.? If it doesn’t turn into hand-to-hand combat by next Thursday, I stand to lose a sizeable bet.
Over and out for now,
Justin

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And now, a completely unrelated word from Kelly:

Don’t miss Going Coastal this Sunday @ 11pm ET. Chris Nelson grabbed his camera and hit Peg city!

One of the bands featured is the very kickass Wailin Jennys. They are neither a tribute to Waylon Jennings, nor are any of them named Jenny. Discuss.

Posted on Friday, April 9th, 2004 at 4:23 pm by Justin and is filed under Blog.

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