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The 13 types of coffee drinkers

March 21st, 2014


Have you ever walked into a Starbucks and looked at the menu and thought, “I really don’t feel like a coffee. But I could really go for a glass of merlot.” Well, now your dreams of drinking red wine in a Starbucks has come true. Today, Starbucks announced that they will be selling alcohol in select stores across the United States. Because why wouldn’t you want to mingle with friends over a drink while listening to Norah Jones, smelling day old sandwiches, and seeing 13-year-old girls order a venti caramel frappuccino – with extra whipped cream? But at least you’ll have the option of ordering an Irish Coffee. Now that’s classy.

We already put our heads together by categorizing The 16 Types of Drunks, so we thought we’d do the same for coffee drinkers…here are The 10 Types of Coffee Drinkers.

The Coffee Drinker That Sneaks In A Little Booze
Sometimes you need more of a kick than coffee can give you. And now, thankfully, Starbucks can fulfill this need.


The Person That Gets the Jitters
Some people just can’t handle the caffeine.


The Giddy Coffee Drinker
One sip and you’re bouncing off the walls. Amateurs!


The Cool Dude In A Suit That Drinks Espresso
I only wish I was man enough to drink a shot of espresso.


The Hot Guy That Hangs Out in an Indie Coffee Shop All Day
Is that seat taken?


The Person That’s Immune to Coffee
Sometimes coffee just ain’t enough.


The Snob
This person definitely takes their coffee black.


The Person That Doesn’t Bother With a Cup
They need coffee and they need it NOW.


The Person That’s Trying to Quit Coffee
Sometimes you want to get healthy and that means no more coffee. But it’s hard. So, so hard.


The Person That’s Been Converted Into A Coffee Drinker
There’s no going back.


The Person That Has a Best Friend and That Best Friend is Named Coffee
Coffee. It’s always there for you and it will never let you down.


The Person That Won’t, Under Any Circumstance, Share Their Coffee
You want a sip? Not a chance.


The Addict
Step away from the coffee. Step far, far away.


Are you craving coffee yet?


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