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December 3rd, 2013
The Kardashians, like many families in America, have a holiday tradition that should be pretty simple to execute: a family portrait Christmas card. Except, it’s the Kardashians so of course they take it up a notch, or nine. This, below, is the Kardashians’ latest Kristmas Kard (shrunk to fit the page, but click here for an enlarged photo):
Over the top, right? Well, please don’t use that as an example of a Christmas family portrait. In fact, this is a much better example:
But to help you even more, here are some very important do’s and don’ts we’ve learned from watching the Kardashians shoot their latest holiday photo.
DON’T: Spend $250,000 on Christmas photos.
This glamourous spread by famed photographer David LaChapelle reportedly cost the Kardashians a whopping $250,000 to shoot. Don’t spend $250,000 on a computer, don’t spend $250,000 on a car even. Just don’t spend that much money, especially if it’s just for a guy to snap a ridiculous photo of you and your family members for you to send out to others. Hey, I wouldn’t suggest it, but you could even use your iPhone to snap a family photo. Just don’t waste that precious hard-earned money, okay?
DO: Invite everyone in your family.
If you look closely you’ll notice that members of the Kardashian clan are missing from this photoshoot. That’s because the shoot — a family portrait, mind you — was originally pitched to the members of the family as a women-only shoot. And even though that idea was okay with brother Rob and Kourtney’s boyfriend Scott Disick (Kim’s fiance Kanye West was busy on tour, while Khloe’s husband Lamar Odom was noticeably MIA), family head Bruce Jenner was not okay with this decision. The final shoot did include Bruce as well as Kourney’s two children, but it’s a family photo, guys. You need your entire family in it.
DON’T: Dress like that (look below).
We get it, the Kardashians are rich and fabulous, but even this is a bit overboard for a Christmas photo. Nix the long slits and side boob and perhaps trade it in for a conservative yet whimsical Christmas sweater.
DO: K.I.S.S. (Keep It Simple Stupid).
Look at how cluttered that set looks, not to mention unsafe for children to be around (as LaChapelle mentioned in the episode). We don’t know where to look, it’s way too distracting! JUST STAND IN FRONT OF A TREE AND CALL IT A DAY, CAN’T YOU?
DON’T: Replicate this.
Just don’t, we beg of you. Only the Kardashians can pull this off and, let’s be honest, they didn’t. This was a hot mess of a Christmas card. Oh, sorry — Kristmas Kard.