The Week In Jibba Jabba! This Time, Babyopolis

September 8th, 2006

Remember how the week started? Huh? Huh? After a bajillion days of convincing ourselves that Suri Cruise didn’t exist, The Pictures were finally published. And guess what: the kid is a cutie. A serious, serious looker. But this doesn’t stop the legions of cynics cracking jokes about handpicking a baby from Hong Kong, oh no. And even if I kinda believe that it’s their kid, I still keep myself up at night wondering if Katie and Tom actually, you know, did it. Ok, I don’t keep myself up at night. And THEN, there’s the new non-alien theories. Welcome to life, Suri. Hope you enjoy your stay. PS: Here’s a crapload of Suri stuff.

Last night came the news that Britney may have gone to the hospital to give birth to baby number two (potential name, apparently, is Jaillyn – a combo of her parents). But it appears as though her scheduled cesarean, alas, was not to be yesterday. Instead, Britney delivered a nice, piping hot round of Taco Bell.

And then there was Paris. Of course. Who started her week off with news of an album hack/prank in the UK, which turned out to be partly the work of Danger Mouse (of Gnarls Barkley, for you ne’er knowers). And then came the doozy – her DUI arrest. Her story says that she spent all day working on an empty stomach and then drank one marguerita – but she was still driving erratically and still blew a 0.8 in the breathalyzer. BUT LISTEN: she just needed a burger, ok? She’s saying she regrets it now, but what else can you do?

Kate Bosworth and Orlando Bloom split. OK fangirls, go get ‘im!

AND THEN there was Lohan, whose giant bag of goods, and by goods, I mean $1 million worth of jewelry, was stolen at the London airport. Thankfully for all of mankind, the bag has been returned safely. The search is off, you may all go home. (PS: $1 million in jewelry! I’m pretty sure my collection is worth a cool $63)

So either John and Jessica were never dating, or John called the whole thing off because Jessica’s publicist was taking things a little too far with the attention and sh*t. In other news, Jessica’s publicist has been fired.

50 Cent was arrested! For driving like a crazy man!

Jay-Z buys Beyonce a million dollar Rolls Royce for her birthday!

Pete and Ashlee: now shagging!

I’m out. See you on the other side! What does that even mean?

Posted on Friday, September 8th, 2006 at 6:00 pm by Wendy and is filed under Blog.