Transformers: Less Than Meets The Eye

June 29th, 2007

So last night I was lucky enough to see an advance screening of the hotly anticipated Transformers. I was pretty excited - ever since the original teaser trailer came out MONTHS ago I have been getting all nostalgic-like over all things Hasbro… too bad my inner 8-year old threw a fit when the movie was over ‘cuz this movie stank. Yes, the special effects are out of this world, but unfortunately that is about it. The plot - and I use that term loosely here - revolves around dorky Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) who, through an explorer ancestor, is linked to an intergalactic battle between the heroic Autobots and their opponents, the Decepticons. Still with me? No? Well neither is the movie because all possible logic and plot at this point go out the window. Which would be fine with me if it had some hella good robot-on-robot pummeling action - but even then, all the big fight scenes are shot in such extreme close-up that all one sees for 2 and a half hours is metal grinding against metal. Headaches and epilepsy ensue.

And don’t even get me STARTED on the dialogue - it reeks. Jon Voight can’t even make sense of it (he’s obviously here just to cash a big fat paycheque). And there are SO MANY USELESS CHARACTERS that show up for a few scenes and then simply disappear with zero explanation - and they each have their own “schtick”, like Anthony Anderson who keeps yelling at his grandma or John Turturro who just, well, says stupid shit or Bernie Mac who keeps yelling at his employees and, yes, his grandma. Shia LaBeouf is fun to watch though - he has geeky charm to spare.

Maybe I was just expecting too much. The group of fanboys sitting behind me stood up and cheered when the credits rolled, but I just rolled my eyes. Nothing here was edgy or frightening or awe-inspiring - director Michael Bay was playing it so safe that frankly, I got bored. Is it so wrong of me to expect something great? I wanted some killer action, some Decepticons doing some hardcore damage, someTHING to make ME stand up and cheer - but all I got was groan-inducing dialogue, jokes that fell flat, and action that gave me vertigo. Transformers are cool - Transformers The Movie is not.

See the trailer here.

Posted on Friday, June 29th, 2007 at 4:58 pm by Soja and is filed under Just For Fun.

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