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February 10th, 2014
Valentine’s Day is almost here and let’s face it, a V-Day card is almost as important as the gift itself. And of course you don’t want any normal Hallmark card so you give Etsy a try because they’ve got some pretty witty and crafty cards. But wait! To help you navigate through the vast and scary corners of Etsy, here’s a little heads up on some of the weirder cards we found… You might want to think twice before purchasing the following 10 Valentine’s Day cards.
1. “Pee pee” ($5.68)
Never refer to your penis as a “pee pee”.
2. “Cute fard card” ($3.69)
I mean, sure? There’s gotta be a more romantic thing you could say to your loved one, though.
3. “Mac & Cheese” ($5.11)
4. “Double tap that” ($4.55)
Social media never sounded so sexy/creepy.
4. “Big boobs” ($4.26)
And here we thought this holiday was all about the heart.
5. “Back-alley hooker” ($5.68)
Again, the point of V-Day is to be nice, caring, even loving — you can do better.
6. “Get naked” ($4.55)
Y’know, you can ask nicely.
7. “Wanna make out?” ($4.55)
Welp, at least you’re asking now.
8. “Let’s make babies” ($4.55)
That’s one way to get your significant other in the mood…
9. “Those days…” ($4.55)
This card might piss off your loved one.
10. “Maury” ($4.83)
This is definitely more creepy than sweet.
Look, we’ll make this simple for you: the only Valentine’s Day card you need to buy off of Etsy is this one. You’re welcome.