Vote For Fetus!

June 3rd, 2004

So Justin…I mean Mittens, has thrown down the gauntlet and called for an election for ?Supreme Overlord Of The North East Corner Of MuchMusic.? I would like to take this opportunity to announce my candidacy, in short, I?m in the running like Ben Johnson.

I promise an electoral race full of mud-slinging ?cause let’s face it, politics are dirty and downright boring unless some s*%t is being slung. Devon has pointed out the importance of having a choice so I figure there’s gotta be options.

The rest of this might seem confusing and maybe out of order due to a night of partying to overcome a bout of insomnia so please forgive me.

There are times in my relatively short life that I wonder “Where did it happen? Where did the world go from kids in suits doing the fly to the state we’re in now?” The world is in trouble kids. There seems to be a general feeling out there that a human life is worth less than the beaded gown on some celebrity’s back on some random award show’s red carpet.

I am basing my platform on ?The Winds Of Change? by The Scorpions.

“The future’s in the air/ I can feel it everywhere/ Blowing with the wind of change”

However, the ?Winds Of Change? come in small steps.

I promise to do my best to bring down space programs everywhere. Instead of spending billions of dollars to find out if Mars ever had water, would it not be a better idea to fix the world we actually live in?

Some other points against Justin?s (I mean Mittens’) six-point political platform:

- We “Camera Monkeys” may appear small in stature but no amount of painted toilet paper rolls will ever be enough to hold back the thunder we bring. You could stuff Tom Arnold in a Mexican restaurant for a month and you still wouldn’t have enough ammunition.

- Miniature chocolate chip cookies? I say full size – why the hell not? What’s wrong with you?

- Underwear optional. You’ve got Bruce Turner’s vote all wrapped up there.

- William Hung: stop. I don’t blame William Hung, I blame the Industry. Don’t hate the player, hate the game.

- Rosso is the Bosso.

- Any show where someone asks “Who are you wearing?” will be cancelled to eternal hell fire.

- Lastly, get the marshmallow man from the movie “Ghostbusters” and that cute little Mogwai “Gizmo” from the movie “gremlins” to host Friday night M.O.D.