Welcome Matt(e)

July 13th, 2004

so i promised i would tell you about how i discovered our new vj matt(e) and how he owes all of his success solely to me.

so one day i was leaving muchmusic and saw one of our supervising producers outside giving a vj an audition. he is the guy who hires all the vjs. to protect his anonymity i’ll call him “bohn bampilis”. anyway, i don’t mean to do it, but i incredibly annoy bohn. i’m constantly giving bohn my unrequested and unqualified opinion on everything and i think he’s tired of it. i can’t really blame him. but i have no intention of stopping. anyway, it’s gotten to the point that when i yet again give bohn my opinion, he’ll do the opposite. this system seems to be working. i suggested we do a show called “old & poor”. he instead did “young & loaded” it was a huge success. all thanks to me. i suggested we pick burgess meredith as the vj search winner. he instead went with devon. that seems to be working out. again thanks to bohn doing the opposite of what i suggest. we’re a good team me and him.

anyway, so i’m walking down the street and i see bohn bampilis doing vj auditions. i whisper “hey this guy seems pretty good!” into bohn’s ear. bohn immediately told him he wasn’t good enough and to go home and never come back. so i cross the street and went into the variety store (where they have a huge sandwich counter that i’ve never seen anyone even consider going near. i’m not sure why) and who do i see in the variety store, but future vj matt(e). i took one look at him and was like holy crap!i just found the perfect vj! so i went outside and started trying to wave at bohn and get his attention before matt(e) escaped from the variety store. i was jumping up and down shouting “bohn! bohn bampilis!” but then i remembered the complexity of bohn’s and my relationship and realized the best thing i could do is to disassociate myself from matt(e). so i did nothing. i just went home. 3 weeks later, i saw matt(e) sitting at his new desk in muchmusic and knew my plan had worked perfectly. no need to thank me matt(e).

and this is how great a guy matt(e) is. i was at the mmva after party and i see matt(e). he hadn’t started on air yet but was there anyway. i decided to introduce myself by cornering him in a stairwell with only one exit…
me: hey! you’re the new vj. i’m justin
matt(e): hi! nice to meet you. i’m matt(e)
me: well i think you’re amazing.
matt(e): thanks! so you saw some of my tapes?
me: no
matt(e): [silence]

but did matt(e) quickly tunnel his way to safety? no! he was very nice and polite and continued to talk with me even though i was definitely a bit creepy. i even explained how i had discovered him and he graciously thanked me.

yay! welcome matt(e)!