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October 2nd, 2013
The video for Britney Spears’ Work Bitch has come out and though there’s only a handful of us who actually like the song (or video) we asked ourselves, “What does it actually mean to “work bitch!’?” So we broke it down and the results are horrifying.
You want a hot body
This one’s a little tough to break down so can we just use the visibility of a six-pack as thing to measure the hotness of a body? Deal? Deal. In order to get a six-pack you need to decrease your body fat percentage to about 8% (or at least an infomercial once told me). This means this process can take anywhere from 18-10 weeks of pure dedication to working out and that is dependent on what existing body type you have. And on top of that, you probably need a trainer, a gym membership, food, and (most importantly) protein powder:
Trainer $60 per 1 hour session, 3 times week $720/month
Protein Powder $60/month
Gym Membership $100/month
Total cost per month: $1280
You want a Bugatti
Now I’m not even gonna talk about insurance, but the average Bugatti (oh yeah, they like hand-make these bad boys) can cost anywhere from one to four million dollars. The Bugatti Veyron costs around $1.8 million, so let’s go with that, right? Okay, so because usually people don’t really buy them outright, you can get a car loan. Average car loan length could be like six years with a 7.2% interest rate, given these variables, your monthly payment schedule could look… steep:
Total cost per month: $31,511.23
You want a Maserati
Okay, based on my hugely Google-fueled research, a Maserati is a lot more affordable than a Bugatti (tell that to Ace Hood) and can run you around $100,000. Same math as before:
Total cost per month: $17,506.24
You want a Lamborghini
Seriously, Britney? THREE cars?! Ugh. Here we go (before I get depressed, because I personally spend around $45 a month on tokens for the TTC). The average Lambo can cost you around $450,000, so based on a six year rate:
Total cost per month: $7,002.50
Ah! Something I can actually afford! Based on this report from Travel + Leisure a Martini in Montreal can set you back $16. Since Britney wants to sip Martinis in the plural, and we’re looking at these costs per month, let’s calculate that we’re gonna drink three Martinis per weekend (a conservative number, no?) for a total of twelve Martinis a month.
Total cost per month: $192
Look hot in a bikini
We can already assume we’re spending $1280 per month to have a “hot body” so let’s price out a bikini! Bikinis from hot swimwear designer Norma Kamali can run you at about $500 for a top and bottom.
Total Cost: $500
You wanna live fancy
If you live fancy, that means you probably make money like the 1%, which in Canada means that you make about $191,100 per year, which means you make about $16000 per month. If you follow the 50/20/30 Rule for budgeting that means 30% of that $16000 can go towards non-necessary expenditures to “live fancy”.
Total monthly cost: $4,800
Live in a big mansion
Mansions are expensive, guys. The average mansion nowadays can cost you around $40 million dollars. YES. Thankfully, banks have mortgage calculators and with a twenty-five year mortgage plan… you’ll still be paying out the butt. Don’t even get us started on insurance.
Total monthly cost: $208,029.65
Party in France
The one really baller but doable thing to do on this Britney Work Bitch list. Partying in France. Let’s cost this out. I priced this out for a freak whirlwind party in Paris, so if I’m missing things… that’s okay. We’re only partying en française for a max of 48 hours anyway.
Martinis (Duh): $48
Hotel (at the five star Hotel Le Bristol): $1400
Total cost: $5748
Total cost per month: $276,569.62
Minimum wage: $10.25
Hours you have to work (bitch) with minimum wage: 26,982
I’m just guesstimating here but in order to afford this lifestyle for a month you would have to work non-stop everyday for THREE YEARS at the very least.
… I’d rather not work.
Watch Work Bitch by Britney Spears here.