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What should GWAR’s restaurant serve?

May 28th, 2014

gwar bar

Yesterday it was announced that infamous shock-rock metal band GWAR would keep their legacy alive with a new eatery fittingly named GWARbar. The move is a bittersweet one, following the death of the band’s founder/frontman/songwriter Oderus Urungus, who passed away in March.

According to a press release, the restaurant will open in the band’s hometown of Richmond, Virginia, and feature a menu and decor that falls in line with the band’s gruesome thematic.

“GWARbar will not merely be a place to gorge on delectable food-stuffs whilst hoisting endless flagons of liquid glee…it will not be just a shrine and showcase to the undeniable visual impact of the world’s most infamous metal band…the opening of the GWARbar will be the singularly most important culinary event to occur since the invention of the spoon! Because the GWARbar marks the first time in the history of humans eating stuff that they shall do so by ordering off a menu designed by a chef NOT OF THIS EARTH…that’s right, BalSac, the Jaws of Death, GWAR’s guitar player and also designer of the notoriously tasty “GWAR-B-Q Sauce”, is bringing his supreme knowledge of intergalactic cuisine to the GWARbar, and has designed a bill of fare that is sure to make man or aliens swoon with epicurean delight. Let the plates of mankind be filled with the food of the God’s…at a workingman’s price! “My mother taught me the endless secrets of intergalactic cooking,” said the hulking form of Balsac as he sat down to a heaping platter of GWAR-B-Q. “And then I ate her.”

While no meals have been announced just yet, we cooked up some ideas that we’d be happy to share with GWARbar.

Toilet of the earth
This Toilet Earth: Ever try eating soup out of a toilet? Well now you can! Named after their 1994 album, This Toilet Earth, this earthy, mushroom and potato soup offers you the experience of eating it from a miniature replica john. This is the perfect appetizer.

scum dog
Scumdogs: Named after the band’s breakthrough second album, Scumdogs of the Universe, this is really just an ordinary hot dog covered in pond scum. Of course, since actual pond scum isn’t exactly delectable, you could probably just substitute Parmesan foam and some green food colouring.

Meat Sandwich
Meat Sandwich: Really, it’s just meat on a bun, named after their song. But seeing as this is GWAR and they probably eat their meat extra raw and extra bloody, this meat is just that. You might want to consult a physician before consuming though.

Mexican prick fish
Mexican Prick Fish: Named after GWAR’s second Slave Pit single, this is really just fish tacos with spicy Mexican seasoning on them. But according to the fisherman that caught it, the fish was a real prick.

Hell-O: For dessert, some Hell-O, in honour of the band’s 1988 debut album of the same name. Basically, it’s red Jell-O, but with a nice, spicy kick to it that will have you scream out, “Aww Hell!” Served in a apropros pentagram shape, you can share with up to seven friends. But be sure to get the outer circle part. It’s the biggest piece.

To find out more about GWARbar or to help raise money to launch it, visit the IndieGoGo page.

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