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Winners Don’t Do Drugs: a House Recap

May 14th, 2009


Yes, it is spring, a most beautiful, radiant, season. The world’s critters have come out of hiding, ready to grace us with their presence, and the plants have sprung to life, live with colour and beauty, and bountiful amounts of pollen. Yes, spring certainly is lovely… but why, you may ask, am I choosing to comment on its radiance now, as it is mid-May already, and we are well on our way to summer? Well, dear reader, spring is not only a time of happy squirrels, and rainbow showers, it is also prime time for good television. Since it is the end of spring, our prime time viewing pleasures are also coming to an end, and we all know what this means… Season Finale Time! So, this Monday an alarmingly large stack of homework went undone as I parked myself in front of the TV to watch the Season Finale of my favourite show, House.

So the episode started off ordinarily enough… some new deranged patient with a possessed limb coming into the hospital, looking for help; typical House. The plot started to get interesting, however, about five minutes in, when House made his first appearance of the episode, lying in bed with a smile on his face, a position which we find his lips in about as often as we find Zac Efron in a good movie, and the episode got progressively weirder from there.

The entire episode was dripping with emotions, from Chase and Cameron’s sperm disputes to House and Cuddy’s sort-of relationship. The patient that was being treated added a sort of creepy overtone to the show, as he fought the entire time with his own arm and its desires, separate from that of the rest of his body. The best part of the episode however firmly revolved around House’s obsession with Cuddy.

During the entire episode I had this huge smile plastered on my face, and as the show came to an end, my satisfaction grew significantly. The patient was cured, an assured happy ending! Finally House and Cuddy would be together; surely this as well would have a happy ending. Sure Chase and Cameron’s issues were as of yet unresolved, but hey, 2/3 isn’t bad, right? I was happy, with House and Cuddy together the universe would finally be at peace and I would be able to rest assured that everything was good and happy (until next Fall when the new season starts, when something would inevitably go wrong, and they would be forced to break up). The whole episode they were taunting the audience with these eerily happy scenarios. It was like the entire time they were holding a big jar of happiness which contained everything good and sweet in the world and just dangling it in front of our faces, and then when the time came when we could finally reach for it, we found out it was a hologram; the entire thing was ‘just an illusion.’ Why does Hollywood have to always pick the worst times to turn into realists?

They ended the show after a couple of mind-boggling revelations on House and Chase’s part. House realised (with the help of his subconscious aids dead Amber and Kutner) that his entire relationship and hook up with Cuddy had been a vicodin-induced fantasy (kids, winners don’t do drugs). Also, Chase finally realised that the sperm Cameron was storing from her dead husband were in no way a knock against him. And just like that, the happy endings got switched. The last moments of the episode contrasted joy and sadness, putting an extremely depressing twist on the episode. House ends up in rehab whilst the other happy couple gets married. How wonderful.

And so, although the episode was an exemplary one, the end was maddening, and so my summer will now be spent in mourning for the lost relationship of House and Cuddy. The worst part is, however, I know I can’t complain; for House and Cuddy to be together would mean House would be happy, and we all know that that will never happen. All I can do is sit and wait patiently for the new season, and hopefully a new, clean House. Until then… mourning starts: now.

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